Jan Jordan

Jan Jordan, a criminologist and author, discusses her memoir Snorkelling the Abyss: One woman, striving to survive, fighting for survivors. The event, introduced by Valda Edyvane, focused on Jordan's life journey, her struggles with identity, mental health, and her work as a criminologist, particularly her focus on survivors of rape and sexual abuse. The conversation not only highlights her personal battles but also celebrates her eventual self-acceptance and recognition as a lesbian.

The memoir itself reflects on Jordan’s complex identity as she navigates through her younger self, Janet Robinson, and later Jan Jordan. The book explores themes of survival, with Jordan describing her struggle to reconcile two versions of herself. The title, Snorkelling the Abyss, metaphorically represents Jordan's attempts to "navigate the abyss" of despair, particularly in her early life, dealing with mental health issues, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm. Her identity journey was deeply shaped by her late realization of her sexuality, which she describes as a “late bloomer” moment, a realization that came through important personal experiences, including romantic relationships and interactions with influential figures in her life.

During the talk, Jordan speaks on the importance of lesbian identity and the significance of spaces like LILAC. Her reflections emphasize the value of lesbian archives, history, and maintaining a distinct lesbian identity. She also reminisces about her own "coming out" experiences in the 1980s, including the importance of Lesbian Community Radio in helping her connect to the broader lesbian community in New Zealand.

Jordan’s childhood and early adulthood were marked by a lack of emotional support, which led her to feel adrift and isolated. Her father was emotionally absent, and her mother was locked in grief, leading to an environment where love and care were present only in the most superficial of ways. This emotional absence deeply affected Jordan, fostering feelings of self-hatred and despair. In her adolescence, she developed intense emotional attachments to female teachers, though she lacked the framework to understand these feelings as part of her emerging sexuality. She speaks candidly about her mental health struggles, including cutting and suicidal thoughts, as she grappled with a profound sense of unworthiness and confusion about her identity.

One of the key moments Jordan highlights is her discovery of feminism, which provided a critical framework that helped her make sense of her experiences and gave her the tools to understand the broader systems of patriarchy and gender inequality. Feminism became a lens through which she could reframe her life, and it played a pivotal role in her journey toward healing and self-acceptance. Jordan stresses that feminism, along with psychotherapy and the support of friends and loved ones, especially her partner of 32 years, were crucial in helping her rebuild her life.

Her career as a criminologist, particularly her work with survivors of rape and sexual abuse, further cemented her understanding of trauma and survival. Her research on sex work, which resulted in her book Working Girls: Women in the New Zealand Sex Industry Talk to Jan Jordan, was a significant milestone in her professional life and marked a turning point where she fully embraced Jan Jordan.

Jordan’s memoir and her talk also delve into the concept of boundaries and frameworks as essential tools for understanding and navigating life. Growing up without a strong emotional framework, she later found solace in the structures provided by academia, feminism, and psychotherapy. These frameworks helped her make sense of her own experiences and contributed to her eventual integration of her fragmented identity.

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Jan Jordan Valda Edyvane

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