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[name withheld 4] - Q12 [AI Text]

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How are you today? I'm good. Thank you. OK. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um well, I'm 20 gay not fully out yet, but getting there, um, just trying to find a way to tell the rest of my family, um that are completely and utterly homophobic, but, um, dealing with it being as my immediate family likes of my two brothers, [00:00:30] my mom and dad currently know. But, um, my mom is the only one that doesn't really give a toss. Um, yeah. So what do you So where are you from? Um, I am born and raised in Nelson, New Zealand, but I have lived in Wellington, Hamilton, Tauranga and in Auckland for the weekend. Going back in about [00:01:00] an hour and a half. Oh, good times. I didn't expect that. Um, So what do you do? Do you actually So what is your occupation? My occupation is currently employed. I work for, uh, do this so deliver? Uh, no. I work in the depot and also occasionally do, um, deliveries as well. So you're not a delivery [00:01:30] boy? Well, yes, I guess. Yeah. Um, I do it part time on call when I'm needed pretty much, which is, at the moment about every week. Ok, so you're 20 right? Yes. Uh, what gender do you identify with? I'm a male. Um, yeah, I had to try to ask that question. Um, [00:02:00] what culture do you identify with? I identify myself as a kiwi, uh, or a New Zealand European. And your sexuality is gay? Yes. So when did you first realise? Um, Well, I started realising something was up when I was eight. Uh, and my first sexual gay experience was at four with my best friend at the time, [00:02:30] Um, in the male toilets at kindergarten, as awkward as it was. And, um, I realised something was up at the age of eight, as I said, and I realised more that I was heading towards gay at the age of 12 and stayed at the age of 14. Gay. So when you're age, how did you realise? [00:03:00] Um, just the fact that all my mates were, um, starting to look between like, um at more females, and I was concentrating on more males. So did you have feelings for any of your friends at the time or anything? Uh, yes, I did. Uh, and the great thing about the swimming time is, uh, everyone at that age ends up stripping naked. So I I [00:03:30] pretty much had had a field day with yeah, as the other guy shakes his head in the back of the room. Um, making out with this bottle feel that for you. So, um, when you realised that you had to feel that So actually, now that there was actually a silly question because you kind [00:04:00] of, um you feel like it's a You have to keep it a secret at the moment, don't you? Uh, not so much. No, but, um just some of my family. I want to find a way to break it to them myself. Not anyone else. Tell them like, um, when my other family found out through Facebook because I'm not ashamed on Facebook, they can go on to my page and and have a look. [00:04:30] Whatever. And, um, yeah, they found out from there, and my mom is the only one that actually came up to me and asked me and I told her everything. And she's like, Ok, that's cool. We're happy with who or what you are who or whatever you're happy doing. Just be yourself. Just don't hide anything. So your other family members haven't actually went on Facebook to check it or anything? No, being as my Facebook is actually [00:05:00] set to private. So if I'm not friends with them, then they can't really check it. But my brother went onto my mom's page, who I'm friends with, Um and that's where everything was, um, chucked out. So it became a little bit of a scrambled egg situation thing. Yes, uh, considering I was there and I was staying at a mate's a few days, and I was asked to come home immediately. Uh, I thought I was in the ship or something, but no, [00:05:30] um, they just wanted to talk to me about my which, um, didn't end up happening anyway because it was too awkward. So it's the age of eight. Did you actually feel felt it was the secret that you need to keep it a secret? Um, yes, I did. But, um, it's just just actually recently that, um I've pretty much not not given two shits, to be honest, Um, and [00:06:00] yeah, I've just been me and I can't change being me. Really? So did you ever thought that you had to keep it? Not How did that did you for that? Um, that Oh, my God. This is not the right thing. Or is this normal or anything like that? Uh, yes, I. I did actually think that. And, um, through the stages of trying [00:06:30] to figure out what was wrong with me when really I realised there wasn't anything wrong with me. I was just different. Uh, I had a very, very, um, strong, suicidal sense. And, um, through the stages of trying to figure out who and what I was and if there was anything wrong with me. But really, there's nothing. I'm just human. Did you ever, Um, so have you actually done physical abuse [00:07:00] or physical harm to yourself? Uh, in the past, Yes, but, um, and recently, yes. But that's only because I do have mental, um, issues, which I am getting sorted. Ok, um how did you feel when you first realised? Um oh, that's a tough one. That was a long time ago. Um [00:07:30] uh, I just felt happy, really, That I had finally figured out who and what I was and yeah, now, I'm just happy to be me. So are you out to your or your friends or not? All but most. So how do you feel about that? Oh, pretty happy. Uh, it just feels like there's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. So [00:08:00] how much support do you have currently? Currently? Um, not much. Just the support of my mum. Really? Um, and just friends. Is there any organisation that's in an area that you live that help to? Um, no. The closest one will probably be, um, wacky over in Waikato. [00:08:30] Ok, so, um, have you actually been in a relationship with anybody? Yes, I have. Uh, I just recently came out of one when I found out that my ex-boyfriend was actually cheating on me while I was sleeping in his bed and he went to work with the bunny ears. Um, and yeah, I found out that he was sleeping at the time with about seven or eight different people. And the community is so small, I had never [00:09:00] actually realised there were that many there. So your was your relationship? A secret relationship? Uh, not secret as such. No. Uh, the immediate family knew but I I had to be straight acting and everything, which I am anyway. But, um, come to you naturally. Yeah, like I'm just me. I don't see why I should change, but, um uh, to the neighbours and, uh, people that weren't [00:09:30] family, I'd have to keep it a secret, Like, around town. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't hug him. I couldn't do anything. Was that because you wanted it that way or he wanted it that way? He he wanted it that way. But I'm not really one to do, um, public affection. But at times, I will, depending on the situation or where you are or something like that. If there are people around or something like that, Yeah, like if there's, like, a big [00:10:00] group of, like, other by transgender gay, whatever, um, people around? Yeah, sure. Why not? But if there's just me and a bunch of people, I don't know that. I don't know how they're going to react. React to it then. Yeah. So how does, um how does this affect your relationship with you? Partially being out? [00:10:30] Uh, I'll go back then. Back then. When you were in the relationship. Oh, I didn't have a problem with it. Like, uh, I'd usually only see him at home anyway, because I work, Uh, in early hours of the morning, anywhere from about Oh, anywhere from about, um, 2 a.m. to about 1 p.m. [00:11:00] I can work, and yeah, I'm just I didn't see him anyway during the day because he always had his his job to do. And yeah, so in this slight, when you think about, in a way, do you think he was checking out with other people when you were at work as well? Uh, no. Being as I normally only work from about 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. and then I'll [00:11:30] go home, and he'd still be sleeping in exactly the same position anyway, So, yeah, um, it wasn't until the first time he dumped me, which was about 56 months ago. Roughly. I'm guessing. And, um yeah, it wasn't until then that he actually started cheating. OK, um how do you meet other people as [00:12:00] he takes a sip of his drink? Yes. Um, other people, just people that he knew that were bi, bi curious or gay in the community as well, so you met other people through your past relationship? Yes. How? How about like going through the going on the Internet or Facebook or anything like that? Um What do you mean, Like, do you meet other people through there? Yes. Yes. I'm [00:12:30] very much one of a a social networker when I have the time, But, um, usually, I'm just quite close to my current friends, but, uh, i'll go to different places and go to meet new people. Friends, um, or boyfriend, whatever comes. So what's your definition in virginity? [00:13:00] Virginity? Um, I reckon it's when you actually have sex is when you lose it, right, you can do full play like, um, everything else but sex and still be a virgin. Yeah. OK, so, um, have you actually experienced [00:13:30] or received any abuse from anyone? Um, because of your sexual sexuality or gender identity, Uh, I have done it in the past. Yes, but, um, not so much now, being as I think, it was more of, like, a joke because they didn't actually know. But now that I've came out to them or hinted about it, uh, it's just eased off. So do you have any, [00:14:00] um other questions you want me to ask Or do you have any other comments? Uh, no, not that I can think of at the moment. No, thank you for the interview. You're welcome. Thank you.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It may contain errors or omissions, so always listen back to the original media to confirm content.

AI Text:September 2023