The title of this recording is "Snapshot 2000 - Christopher". It is described as: Christopher talks about coming out and first sexual experience. It was recorded in Texas, United States of America on the 6th February 2000. The duration of the recording is 10 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast Christopher talks about coming out and first sexual experience. The content in the recording covers the 1970s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: This abstract distills the key topics discussed in the "Snapshot 2000 - Christopher" recording from February 6, 2000, in Texas, USA. The speaker delves into their personal journey of self-realization and acceptance regarding their sexual orientation during the 1970s. Raised in a devout Christian environment, they describe the internal conflict between their ingrained religious beliefs and the understanding of their own identity. Initially, the stark contrast between their community's perception of homosexuality as sinful and the exciting revelation that others shared their experience created a complex emotional landscape to navigate. To reconcile their faith with their self-identity, the speaker detached from their Christian beliefs to gain an unbiased perspective on their values. This pivotal moment occurred in ninth grade following a transition to public school where the speaker had fewer social ties and thus more freedom to explore personal beliefs. Public television, notably PBS, emerged as a significant influence, introducing programming about gay culture without the homophobic bias common in other media. This exposure included discussions on religion, sexuality, and groups like Dignity within the Catholic Church, all of which helped the speaker feel more at ease with their identity. Educational experiences further shaped their understanding of coming out. A German professor's reaction to the concept of openly declaring one's sexual orientation provided an eye-opening contrast to the speaker's perspective, illuminating a world where such disclosures could be considered mundane. The speaker shares an emotionally turbulent experience of coming out to their parents during a heated disagreement. The inadequate communication led to a strained acknowledgment filled with religious tension. Despite the challenging start to this dialogue, there has been an evolution, with the parents making efforts to show acceptance, which deeply matters to the speaker, showcasing an attempt to see past dogma and connect with the person. Reflecting on their first sexual encounter, the speaker recounts feelings of anxiety, excitement but also guilt influenced by their upbringing, highlighting the complex interconnections between sexuality, morality, and enjoyment. Despite the physical pleasure, there was an emotional disconnect and guilt that lingered post-experience, indicating the lingering impact of religious dogma. Finally, the speaker touches upon the varied reactions from friends when confiding in them, with responses ranging from indifference to support, highlighting that coming out did not result in any loss of friendships, as feared. They emphasize the importance of being comfortable with oneself and suggest that if coming out affirms one's identity and brings contentment, it is a worthy endeavor. They conclude by advocating for prioritizing personal happiness and being authentic to one's true self. The full transcription of the recording follows.  It includes timestamps every thirty seconds in the format [HH:MM:SS].  The transcription begins:  I've never been able to, like, actually give a good answer. For when? When I first realised I was gay, um, it was just sort of, I don't know. I just I just always was And you know, whether or not I knew how to verbalise that or whether or not I even knew that, like, I necessarily had sexual feelings towards people. I, I just I don't know. It was just always there. Somehow, um, I grew up. I grew up in a really, a really, uh, really Christian environment. [00:00:30] And when I when I actually did start to to hear and like, I don't know, people would always be saying, you know, it's just like so evil. You know, you hear about these evil facts somewhere, and I'd and on one hand, like I felt really excited about it, I was like, Wow, you know, there are people out there that, like, feel the same thing that I do. But at the same time, it was presented in a way that, like, it was, it was really a bad thing, and I should be so ashamed of it. And it took me a long time to be able to sort of break from that idea. Um, and actually, part of [00:01:00] part of being able to do that was I had to I had to sort of change my whole belief system. I had to actually get out of Christianity for a while, to be able to to have a an unbiased perspective on myself and just my own values. Um, and I, I don't know. That was that was really a very interesting time. That sort of happened a little bit starting in ninth grade. Um, and I was spending a lot of time, like just by myself. Um, I I changed to public school and I didn't really have a big circle of friends to [00:01:30] to sort of I, I don't know, Like when you when you change the when you totally change the people that you're hanging out with, you can you can almost change like everything that you believe you can change who you are, Um, a lot, a lot more easily than you can Otherwise, um, and a lot of the time that that I was that I was hanging out by myself. Uh, I was watching public television and they have a lot of, um, not necessarily shows that that are I don't know that have, like, a gay agenda or anything but [00:02:00] that it's, I don't know. There's not, like a, um a homophobic bias to anything that I saw on PBS, and if anything, there actually were some some shows. I don't remember what they were called anymore. Um, but they were actually like gay news shows, and that just totally blew me away. I. I mean, being able to see something like that and just knowing, like, you know, it's it's OK to be gay, and it's not an evil thing. And you're not going to be banned to hell if you, you know, if you are gay. And they had, like, some really cool, [00:02:30] interesting debate shows about, um um, just religion and and homosexuality and talking about, um oh, what's it called? Dignity? Um, I think I think that's what it's called like a, um, a group within the Catholic Church. Um, and I ah, just being just being exposed to that, um, really helped me just feel more comfortable with myself, and I think that sort of made it possible for me to, like start talking openly with some of my friends about that, [00:03:00] Um, one thing that was really interesting. Um, I. I was taking German classes at a community college up in Dallas for a while. Um, and I was I was taking all the classes from the same professor. She was actually from Germany. She was really cool. Um, but we were talking about, um, just being gay. Um, it just came up in class one day, and she was she was just totally blown away by, like, the whole concept of coming out. And, um, she she was telling us, like, one year on national [00:03:30] coming out day, some guy was over at dinner and he just, like, felt it was necessary to tell her that she was that that he was gay and she was I mean, I mean, she didn't care. I mean, it was no big deal at all, but, uh, just like the whole phenomena of that, she couldn't understand it. She was like, So I'm I'm straight, you know, like WW. What of it? You know, it was I don't know. It was just really cool. II I I don't know. I just think that's such a such a like, healthy, healthy [00:04:00] thing. I think it would be so cool if, like, it was no big deal if, like, nobody ever had to come out because or nobody had to, like, actively, like, say, you know, I'm gay, you know, or, like, make make, like, a big emotional ordeal out of it. You know, when I actually told my parents that was a that was a real disaster. Um, they're very, very religious. And, um, we still haven't, like, been able to completely resolve resolve this. [00:04:30] They they think I'm going to go to hell. They they really think, um um I. I don't know. There's there's just a lot we still have to work out on that. Um, but but the situation when I actually told my parents, um, it was it was in the middle of a fight that we were having, um, just talking about whether I could drive the car. I had just gotten my driver's licence. They were talking about, uh, property. Like they They said I didn't respect their property. And I said they didn't me in general, and, um, it sort of We started throwing out like, specific details [00:05:00] and like I was trying to just sort of, like, do atop that thing like, Well, I didn't throw out the shower this morning. Well, fine. You don't respect this, and you don't respect that. And, you know, you don't respect my homosexuality. And, like, Oh, it was just a really horrible, horrible way to do that. I wish I wish when I when I would have come out to them that it would have been in a more, um, more calm, uh, a more calm setting. I wish that I would have had, like, a lot more, Uh, I. I wish I would have had better social skills, better communication skills. Um, they pretty much ignored it. [00:05:30] Um, they they acted like I hadn't said it and just sort of went on with the argument. And, uh, they never spoke about it again after that for quite a while. Um, the next the next. I really heard him mention of it every now and then. Um, if I had a friend over, it'll be like, Well, you know who is that? Is he gay? Does he know you think you're gay? It was always, you know, do I think I'm gay? um, they they they had a really hard time. Um, [00:06:00] accepting the fact that, you know, it's not It's not like a a temporary thing or or a choice thing. Um, so, yeah, I mean, if if they right now, they're actually making a really big effort to to be really accepting and it's really cool it it makes a I don't I It makes it it it it makes a big difference to me. It means a lot to me because I know how, um, how rigid their belief system is in a way, and the fact that they're they're sort of like stepping [00:06:30] beyond that to me. Um, just like seeing through the dogma to to me as a person. Um, I don't that that really means a lot. It's really it's really special. Before I, I was actually really anxious. Um, I'd we'd been drinking quite a bit, too, and I was still just really nervous and really tense and II, I don't know, but at the same time, just really excited. Um, just because [00:07:00] I mean, I I'd never had an opportunity to act on anything. Um, and it was enjoyable, but sort of like in a like I'm doing something that's sort of naughty way. Um, just because I think even though even though I felt a little I, I felt a lot more comfortable with it with the idea of being gay, I still had a lot of a lot of, um, I don't know, just sort of guilt about it. And I didn't realise that, um I, I don't know I. I didn't see that until, actually, [00:07:30] after we were after after we were done, um, I. I felt extremely guilty. I felt, um I don't know, I. I can't explain it. It was a really strange sensation, because on one hand I knew there wasn't anything wrong with what I had done. But I had just been so ingrained with the idea that it was a bad thing that I didn't really let myself, like, enjoy it after or have, like, an afterglow or anything, you know, and I, I don't know. It actually took [00:08:00] me quite a while to be able to really enjoy having sex with somebody, even though it was somebody something that I really wanted to do. And it was something that I really enjoy doing, you know, It's just something II. I don't know. It's It's sometimes it's hard to let go of something that you've been told all of your life. Um, while I while I was actually having sex with them, I was I was just sort of wondering, you know, Is it Is it really? Is this really what it's all about? Is this really It's just like I? I don't know. There wasn't [00:08:30] a really a There wasn't really a connection to it. There wasn't really, um, any emotion involved in it beyond, just like I wanted to have, like, a really quick thought. And go on. Um, maybe that's part of what I felt guilty about. Let's just I I'd always also, I don't know. It's also part of, like, just the Christian idea of sex is like, Not necessarily that it's so so bad to have sex, but there should [00:09:00] you should It should be in a a loving, environmental loving relationship. So I think I think that also contributed to why it wasn't the most positive experience. One thing I wish I would have done differently is actually not really when when I when I came out to my friends um I made I sort of I sort of made it a bit of a big deal about it, because I I did feel really uncomfortable. And I was just like, I'd be like, you know, I have something I have something to tell you. And and, [00:09:30] you know, I don't want this to, like, jeopardise our friendship and because I I didn't really know how people would respond to it when I that was. That was when I was talking to my friends. They they didn't really care, either, though once I actually told them, um, it was just sort of OK, you know, what's the big deal? Why do you Why do you make a big fuss out of that? Or else they'd just be like so I don't know. They the responses were were pretty varied, but there there was nothing really negative. I definitely didn't lose any friends. Um, I don't think anybody [00:10:00] even felt really awkward about it. I would. I awkward about the fact that I was gay, maybe awkward about the way that I was presenting it. Um, I don't know, I. I don't really think coming out, though. Is that big a deal. I think it's more. I think it's more just being comfortable with yourself and some people I. I know there are a lot of people that actually need to come out, and they need to, like, affirm the fact that they're gay and they need to have other people affirm that. And if if that's the case, then definitely come out of the closet and do whatever it takes because there's nothing worse than being unhappy with who you are and feeling like [00:10:30] you're not being true to yourself. Um, but I think I think the biggest thing is we it I don't know, just just do what it takes to to make you make you content and make you make you happy with with who you are. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 1970s ; Christianity ; Circle of Friends Memorial ; German ; Germany ; People ; Snapshot 2000 ; Texas ; The Closet ; United States of America ; agenda ; belief ; change ; choice ; church ; class ; closet ; coming out ; communication ; community ; difference ; dignity ; emotional ; environment ; feelings ; friends ; fun ; gay ; growing up ; guilt ; hell ; news ; opportunity ; other ; parents ; religion ; respect ; school ; sex ; social ; straight ; television ; time ; top ; values ; work. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/snapshot_2000_christopher.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089406. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.