The title of this recording is "Green - Rainbow Touchstones". It is described as: Hinemoana talks about growing up and dealing with depression. It was recorded in Paekākāriki, Kapiti Coast District on the 12th June 2010. The duration of the recording is 4 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this digital story Hinemoana talks about growing up and dealing with depression. The content in the recording covers the 1970s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: This digital story, recorded in Paekākāriki on the Kapiti Coast District, is a poignant narrative relayed by Hinemoana regarding the personal struggles with depression that spanned the 1970s. The narrative delves into the challenging experiences of dealing with mental health from a young age, providing a candid look into the complex journey towards understanding and managing depression. As Hinemoana shares, a perception of oneself as a misfit and the feeling of disconnection from family are illusions birthed by depression. This story underscores a critical distinction; these feelings are not present when the individual is healthy, highlighting the deceptive nature of depressive thoughts. Despite an acceptance of one's sexuality and a self-awareness that came naturally, it is revealed that an individual's struggles with depression often overshadow other realizations. The story reveals a harrowing journey, beginning with the individual's first depressive episode at fourteen - an age marked by familial upheaval and the trauma of a non-consensual sexual encounter, leading to a subsequent suicide attempt. These events set the stage for a path characterized by self-destructive behavior aimed at numbing the pain. This account offers an unflinching look at depression’s physical manifestations - its heavy toll on the body and its ability to transform simple tasks into insurmountable challenges. The turning point in the story arrives much later, with the first official diagnosis at the age of twenty-eight. A doctor's acknowledgment of depression provides a cathartic moment, even though it does not immediately reshape the personal perspectives of self-worth and the normality of depressive experiences. It took a subsequent severe episode and the intervention of medication to confront the deeply ingrained skepticism of treatment and acceptance of the condition's seriousness. The concluding part of the narrative emphasizes the crucial role of self-care and routine in managing mental health. Medication is presented as one of many essential tools in a larger kit, one that is coupled with a sound support system and lifestyle adjustments tailored to mitigate stress and triggers. The story closes with an empowering lesson aimed at disbelieving the lies of a depressed mind and embracing the impermanence of depressive episodes. Coping mechanisms are essential, and the toolbox of strategies is personal and adaptable. The recording ends with a powerful affirmation: understanding and addressing one's mental health is an ongoing process, and self-compassion is vital for healing. The full transcription of the recording follows.  It includes timestamps every thirty seconds in the format [HH:MM:SS].  The transcription begins:  When I’m sick my depressive mind can make me feel bad about anything ‘I’m such a weirdo. I don’t belong anywhere. If I wasn’t queer I’d be closer to my family’. But when I’m not sick none of those ideas enters my mind. It’s funny because I’ve never had a problem with my sexuality. When I was fourteen I fell in love with a girl and I just thought ‘oh, I’m bisexual – sweet’. It’s never been a huge trauma for me. I had my first episode of depression when I was fourteen. My parents had split up; mum and me went to live in a new town where I developed a huge crush on a boy. He was my first sexual partner but that first time wasn’t consensual at all and from there things got really dark. It was the first time I’d experienced actually wanting to die. I remember walking through a nearby orchard and saying goodbye to things – nature, plants, birds. And I ended up trying to kill myself. My mother found me. Later she tried to pretend it didn’t happen. So things just got worse. For me, the answer for that kind of pain was to be become unmanageable and promiscuous. I wanted to forget everything and disappear into chaos. depression isn’t something that ‘just happens in your head’ - it brings very physical reactions. I get a tightness in my chest and throat, my limbs feel like lead and even small things take heaps more energy. And things that I normally take pleasure in become really difficult. The negative thoughts start up to and they’re pretty paralysing. Trying to get out of bed against the tide of pessimism and self-abuse is really hard. It wasn’t until I was about twenty-eight that I was actually diagnosed with depression. I’d gone to see a doctor about something else and he wrote in my notes ‘it’s not so much the overuse syndrome that I’m concerned about with this young woman, it’s her depression.’ And I was like ‘oh hell I didn’t know I had that.’That was the first time I had anyone name it, and I was so grateful that someone had noticed and cared about what was going on at that deep level. But it’s interesting because it still didn’t really click for me. I still thought that I was just not a very worthy person and that hating yourself, and occasionally wanting to die, and not being able to get out of bed for a week-or-so was actually quite normal. My next major bout of depression happened about ten years later and it was so frightening. It was so not me. It was like being stalked by a murderer, but the murderer was myself. Every time I walked past a set of stairs I’d imagine throwing myself down them, or walking past a window I’d imagine jumping out of it. So the doctor put me on medication which stabilized me. The great thing about Western medicine is that it’s very good about giving things names. I actually had a really big suspicion of medication, like ‘you must be really mad if you have to take a pill’. Or maybe I just didn’t want to acknowledge that it was as serious as it was. But then I’m not beyond asking for help, and actually being diagnosed and offered that treatment was empowering. The difficulty with depression is that it comes with its own sabotage mechanisms so the exact things that you know are good for you, the disease tells you that you can’t do them or you shouldn’t do. It took me a long time before I could answer it back. I created a really rigorous and regular routine of self-care. I have regular conversations with key people about how I’m going. For me medication isn’t enough. I’m trying to use it as a support to change my life into one that isn’t so stressful and full of triggers. And the medication is just one of the tools in my toolbox. And it’s a toolbox that belongs to me. I know myself and I know this condition. If I have a crap day I have to say to myself ‘what can I do?’ Have I been eating well? Do I need to structure my day more? Do I need exercise or visit my doctor or do I need to spend time with friends? I remember a friend saying to me once when I was sick ‘Don’t believe what your head is telling you’ and I remember thinking that that wasn’t very helpful at the time because it was my current reality and it felt so real and convincing. But these feelings and thoughts do pass and when they do it all seems as bizarre as it actually was. So I just need to keep telling myself that each episode of depression doesn’t last forever, it will pass, and I have a whole toolbox to help me get through it. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 1970s ; Mental Health Foundation ; People ; Rainbow Touchstones ; abuse ; bisexual ; change ; coming out ; depression ; disappear ; eating ; energy ; exercise ; family ; feelings ; friends ; health ; hell ; lesbian ; love ; medicine ; mental health ; nature ; normal ; pain ; parents ; queer ; rainbow ; routine ; self care ; sexuality ; support ; takatāpui ; time ; transcript online ; trauma ; triggers ; video online ; walking. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/rainbow_touchstones_green.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089851. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.