The title of this recording is "name withheld 8 - Q12". It is described as: name withheld talks about being young and gay in 2012. It was recorded in Whanganui, Manawatū on the 16th August 2012. The duration of the recording is 15 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast name withheld talks about being young and gay in 2012. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: This abstract provides a summary of the recording "name withheld 8 - Q12," recorded in Whanganui, Manawatū on August 16, 2012. The recording features a 19-year-old discussing their life and experiences as a young, gay individual during the 2010s in Aotearoa New Zealand. The individual, who is pursuing a Bachelor of Arts and plans to major in history, shares their early years in Whanganui, musical interests ranging from the eighties New Wave to artists like Madonna and Grace Jones, and their struggles with chronic fatigue and joint pain during high school, which pushed any thoughts of romance and sexuality to the sidelines. Despite being bedridden and missing out on sex education and physical activities that would overtire them, the person did well academically. The individual realized they were gay around the age of 13 or 14, having always known they were different from their peers and initially believing they should be attracted to girls. Their first innocent crush occurred at age 12, on a boy who later disappeared from their life. When their sexuality became publicly known at 15 due to an offhand comment to a friend during a film screening, it surprisingly made them somewhat of a celebrity at school, even though not all reactions were positive. Support during this period came from places like Closet Space and accepting friends. Reflecting on virginity, the individual considers it lost through any sexual act beyond kissing and expresses that different types of virginity exist, one being an intangible sense that applies to everyone. The individual also identifies as a virgin, having only experienced unrequited crushes, primarily on straight individuals, and never having been in a relationship. The individual faced bullying throughout school because of their sexuality, from both peers and their peers' older siblings, necessitating counseling and causing significant distress. However, they also found solace in friendships that developed during their later school years. When asked about family reactions to their coming out, the individual mentions coming out to their mother several years prior to the recording and only recently to their father, who was initially surprised and somewhat angry but later seemed to accept the information quietly. The individual's openness about their experiences reflects the challenges and support systems that were present at the time. The full transcription of the recording follows.  It includes timestamps every thirty seconds in the format [HH:MM:SS].  The transcription begins:  Hello. How are you today? Good, thanks. That's good. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um, I'm 19 and I'm doing my studying my bachelor of arts through open polytech in next year, I'll be going to Victoria, and I'll hopefully major in history. Yeah, from? Yeah. Been here all your life? Uh-huh. And do you have any hobbies? Um, I like music. Um, I know. Really hanging out with my friends. [00:00:30] Big variety of music. Yeah, Lots of different kinds of music. I don't play anything, though. What type of music? Like eighties like New Wave and I know lots of different kinds. Madonna, Grace Jones. Yes, yes, yes. Singing with slaves. The rhythm with a Hello? Crying around? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So you're 1920 in December 20 in December? Yeah. And [00:01:00] what is your gender identity? I'm a cisgender male. So I was I'm biologically male, and I identify as male, you know? You know what? That is brilliant. What culture do you identify with? Um, that's a good question. Um, probably like, culturally Christian. I don't know what are like the cultural [00:01:30] types that you go by. Mai. Um both both both both Really? Yeah. OK. Um, what is your sexuality? Gay? Gay? So when did you realise? Um well, I always knew that I was different, and so it was kind of a gradual realisation, but it was more that I knew I was different more than anything else. And then when I was 13 or 14, I just kind [00:02:00] of realised I was like, Oh, OK. And so I just knew. Yeah. Did you went around high school? Um, so having attractions to boys? Um, not really. I just thought, Well, I should be liking girls. And at the moment, I just think that some of the boys were good looking and stuff, so Yeah, I guess so. But not all the boys. Just something. And so I just realised. Yeah, you [00:02:30] kind of went through a denial stage. Um, I wouldn't say that. It was more more that I didn't I really didn't know what it was like. I. I guess it took me maybe longer than it does for some people to, like, get crushes. Yeah, so I just always knew that I was I wasn't like other people I knew. When was your first crush? Um 12. Probably but I didn't realise it was a crush. I just thought we [00:03:00] were, like, really good friends. I was with a boy. Yeah. Was he gay as well or didn't know yet? I don't know. We never I never saw him again after intermediate, so I have no idea about him. But yeah, we were just friends, and I would always, like, want to spend time with them. Really? So I was pretty innocent. You still are. Um, So, um, when [00:03:30] how did you feel when you realised? Uh, Well, I had a lot on my plate at the time because I was quite ill with, um So I realised. And I was like, Oh, great. This is just what I need on top of my health issues like the last thing I need is to be ostracised by everyone when I'm actually at school rather than bedridden. So I have, um I had really bad chronic fatigue, and I had a lot of joint pain, [00:04:00] and, uh, it was just It was a really hard time at high school for me. I was always ill, but I managed to do pretty well at school. But I just would get so exhausted. But I really because of that, any sort of like romance and stuff got pushed to the sidelines because I was just tired and exhausted all the time and stressed out from that. So I guess I suppose I was in denial because when I realised [00:04:30] it, I thought, Oh, well, the last thing I need is to be bullied if I come out so I'll just stay in the closet. But if somebody asks me, then I'll say yes. Like, I wasn't gonna actively go out and tell people, Um, yeah, I was ill a lot of the time, So any kind of like sexuality stuff just got sort of pushed to the sidelines. And I missed out on, like, sex education at high school because I was always sick. [00:05:00] And I didn't go to PE because it would make me exhausted for, like, the next few days. So I just pushed it to the back of my mind, and I knew it was I knew that was me, but I had other stuff on my plate to deal with. And then when I was in year 11, so when I was 15, Um, that's a funny story like one of my friends. Like we were watching the Romeo and Juliet by Bez Lehman And that song Love for By the Cardigans came on And I was like, Oh, I love the song [00:05:30] And she was like, Are you sure you're not gay? And I was like, No, I mean yes and no, no. And I got all stressed out. She was like, Oh, my God, you are. And then she said she wouldn't tell anybody. But then people found out, and all of a sudden everyone was like, Oh, my God, Oh, my God, he's gay. Oh, my God. And, um, I wasn't surprised that it had spread I. I expected it to happen sooner. Like I just thought everyone would know. Apparently it was some huge deal in the school because [00:06:00] there were no gay guys in my year at least that I knew of. And, um so I was like, something of a celebrity. But it was a big shock to me. So I came and was like, Can I have your autograph? Yeah, well, they were more just like, Oh, are you gay? And I was like, Yeah, and they were like, Oh, and, um, it was weird. It was weird, but II I was pretty well accepted. Really? Like only a few of the cool boys [00:06:30] gave me hell about it. And really, the cool boys didn't end up being cool afterwards. And no, they were not cool. They were just big alcoholics. Really? Well, because they drank more than everyone else. They were cool, but and some of them are pretty in the closet themselves. And so they were. I think they were intrigued by someone who was out. And so they used them as a sort of, like scapegoat so that they wouldn't get suspected of [00:07:00] being gay. So Yeah. So you were 15 when you came out of the closet? Yeah, well got out, but But I always considered myself out. And it seems like I just thought that everybody knew, but I wasn't gonna go out of my way to let people know. Like I just thought it was a quiet out. This if it makes sense, Are you out to your parents? Yes. I've been out to my mom since 2009, I think. [00:07:30] Or maybe maybe 2007 or eight. I can't remember some time around those three years, and she didn't know why I didn't tell her sooner. And then I didn't know either. I should have just been honest, but I didn't think it would be safe, I guess. And I just came out to my dad this year and he was hugely surprised. And I don't [00:08:00] know why he was surprised, because I thought it was the most obvious thing in the world. And we always talk about gay stuff like Frankie goes to Hollywood and that kind of stuff, So I just thought that he knew, but he didn't think it was important to ask me about it. So But he was hugely surprised and kind of angry at first, but and didn't want to talk to me. But then the next time I saw him, he was He hasn't talked about it ever since. And I don't know if he ever will again. She just knows, [00:08:30] and he's not angry at me, so Yeah. So how did you feel about the reactions that you got on? Um not surprised. Overall. Just what I expected. Probably some of the bad reactions I got. I was disappointed and I I was a little bit maybe a little bit scared that I'd get, like, attacked or something, but yeah, I'm surprised, Mainly, that's what [00:09:00] I would say. Surprised that he didn't. It wasn't worse or surprised that it wasn't worse, but at the same time, Like I just expected everything. Like I It didn't surprise me the reaction, but at the same time, Yeah, it could have been a lot worse. Oh, it's fine now, though. Yeah, it's all good now. So, um, you got a lot of support from it, didn't you? Uh, yeah. [00:09:30] Well, closet space is a supportive place. All my friends were accepting, and they just They didn't know why. I hadn't told them sooner. And I said because I thought you already knew. And I thought I didn't need to, like, actively tell you so. Yeah. So, um, so have you been in a relationship before? No. No. Have you had crushes? Yes. Apart from the 12 year old? Um, yeah, [00:10:00] I have, but it's never really progressed because they were like they were straight. And it just Yeah, it was more like, uh, you had a You had a thing or crush flang lust lust crush more than anything, but it's a meaningless crush. But you couldn't go anywhere because of sexuality differences. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. [00:10:30] So, um, have you ever been attracted to or had a crush on someone that was gay? Um, no, no, no. No one that I knew? No. All right. Um, how do you meet other people? Um, well, now I'm now I'm finished school. Lots of my friends are out of town. So, [00:11:00] um, closet space has been really good. I have to say, I've made lots of friends through there, and it's a good way of catching up with people who you might not otherwise be friends with. But you're still like acquaintances, and it's nice to see them so and also, you just have to get out there and with the community and talk to people, I guess, and just be friendly and you'll make friends. I've made lots of friends since I finished school, and I didn't expect [00:11:30] it. Like when you're at high school, you only want to make friends with people your own age. Like people a year above or below. You are not worth talking to, but I found that to just be stupid after I finished school. So, yeah, I don't know, really. You just pick up friends if you're friendly. Yeah. Yeah. So what is your definition of virginity? Um [00:12:00] uh, the the golden question. If it's anything like more than kissing and like, heavy peeing like I would call anything more than that, then I would say that's losing your virginity. Like I heard someone before talking about how oral wasn't breaking your virginity or something or losing your virginity. I think that is because [00:12:30] it's like something sexual. So, yeah, that's what I think. Do you think there's different forms of virginity? Um, I guess there's, like, biological virginity if you're female or biologically female. And I guess it's just I don't know that it's the intangible sense of virginity, which is, like, you've actually done something more than kissing and stuff. So, [00:13:00] yeah, I guess I think there are different types of virginity, but the intangible one is the one that I consider more important. Yeah, because it applies to everybody. Yeah. So, um, are you a virgin yourself? Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever experienced abuse or abusive behaviour because of your sexuality? Um, really, Just bullying from people at school like an intermediate. [00:13:30] The cool girls and the cool boys will get there older siblings at the school, like who were informed to or whatever to like, come and harass me at break time and try and beat me up and stuff. And then they would try and get their older siblings who were at high school to wag school and come and like, scream at me from over the fence, like onto the field or wherever I was, so that that was really distressing. [00:14:00] Like I think that caused a lot of harm, and I had to see counsellors because of it. But I don't know if they helped. Like, I just needed more friends, and I didn't have those really close friendships then, which later on intermediate or that year, I did make good friendships that have lasted. And then at high school, I really, I guess, on the big scheme of things. I didn't get bullied that much, but there were a few times that really bothered me. Like [00:14:30] after I was out to everybody, one boy who was like, sporty and cool, who I didn't really associate with, and I never talked to before, just came into my class and was like, Oh, you're a bum boy or something stupid like that. And I was mortified that I thought other people would hear and be like, Oh, God! And then the same year, these other cool boys, they were all like the cool popular [00:15:00] boys and they were all really insecure about themselves. One of them, like, touched my chest and he was like, Oh, you like that? And like, freaked out. But I think he liked it. And it was like a way to take out his sexual frustration. Um, it was quite disturbing, really. It just creeped me out that someone would do invade someone's personal space like that. Yeah, that's I would call that bullying. Definitely. [00:15:30] Oh, thank you for the interview. You're welcome. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Closet Space ; God ; Hollywood ; Manawatū ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Space ; Stuff ; The Closet ; Whanganui ; abuse ; attraction ; bullying ; cis male ; closet ; community ; counselling ; crying ; culture ; denial ; disco ; education ; family ; friends ; frustration ; gay ; gender ; gender identity ; harassment ; hate ; health ; history ; homophobia ; identity ; internet ; kissing ; love ; lust ; music ; other ; pain ; parents ; podcast ; rainbow ; relationships ; school ; sex ; sexuality ; siblings ; singing ; straight ; support ; time ; top ; virginity ; youth. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_name_withheld_8.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089307. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.