The title of this recording is "name withheld 4 - Q12". It is described as: name withheld talks about being young and gay in 2012. It was recorded in Bay of Plenty, Aotearoa New Zealand on the 27th February 2012. The duration of the recording is 14 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast name withheld talks about being young and gay in 2012. The content in the recording covers the 2010s decade. A brief summary of the recording is: This summary captures insights from an intimate podcast featuring a young individual from Aotearoa New Zealand, who shares their experience of understanding and embracing their gay identity in the face of societal and familial challenges. The podcast, titled "name withheld 4 - Q12," recorded in the Bay of Plenty on February 27, 2012, delves into the personal journey of the individual in question, discussing the complexities of coming out, dealing with homophobia, and seeking acceptance. Initially, the individual speaks about their struggle with not being entirely out to their family due to encountering deep-seated homophobic attitudes. The immediate family knows of their sexual identity, though reactions vary, with only the individual's mother showing a nonchalant and supportive attitude. The podcast guest grew up in Nelson and has lived in various cities across New Zealand, working mainly in a delivery depot with occasional deliveries on the side. Self-identification for the individual aligns with being a Kiwi, or New Zealand European, and they openly identify as gay. They recall realizing something was different around the age of eight, and it's highlighted that the first inklings of being gay surfaced during early childhood experiences, solidifying during adolescence. The individual reflects on those times, noting how the attraction to the same gender differed from peers who were interested in the opposite sex. Addressing the concept of secrecy, the individual acknowledges that, while it was important to keep their identity confidential during their formative years, they have now adopted a more forthright approach, partly enabled by platforms like Facebook. This candidness, however, has led to some complex situations within the family, underscoring the challenges of being openly gay in a sometimes unaccepting environment. Speaking on personal mental health struggles, the individual acknowledges past instances of self-harm and current efforts to work through underlying mental health issues, without delving into specific details. The happiness found in self-acceptance presents a turning point in their narrative, juxtaposed against earlier adverse feelings about their sexual identity and a self-described "strong suicidal sense." Regarding relationships, the individual shares the pain of betrayal from a past partner's infidelity, which was further complicated by the need for discretion towards the outer circles of acquaintances and neighbors. Although they had to adhere to their then-partner's preference for secretiveness in public, they speak to a preference for being natural and authentic in expressing their identity. In addition to discussing personal relationships, the podcast touches on the topic of online social networks as a means for connecting with others within the LGBTQ+ community. Reflecting on social interactions, the individual expresses a definition of virginity that is centered on the act of sexual intercourse, setting it apart from other forms of physical intimacy. Throughout the conversation, the individual candidly addresses instances of abuse tied to their sexual orientation and gender identity, indicating that while it may not be as frequent or blatant now, it was a pronounced part of their experience during less openly accepted times. The full transcription of the recording follows.  It includes timestamps every thirty seconds in the format [HH:MM:SS].  The transcription begins:  How are you today? I'm good. Thank you. OK. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Um well, I'm 20 gay not fully out yet, but getting there, um, just trying to find a way to tell the rest of my family, um that are completely and utterly homophobic, but, um, dealing with it being as my immediate family likes of my two brothers, [00:00:30] my mom and dad currently know. But, um, my mom is the only one that doesn't really give a toss. Um, yeah. So what do you So where are you from? Um, I am born and raised in Nelson, New Zealand, but I have lived in Wellington, Hamilton, Tauranga and in Auckland for the weekend. Going back in about [00:01:00] an hour and a half. Oh, good times. I didn't expect that. Um, So what do you do? Do you actually So what is your occupation? My occupation is currently employed. I work for, uh, do this so deliver? Uh, no. I work in the depot and also occasionally do, um, deliveries as well. So you're not a delivery [00:01:30] boy? Well, yes, I guess. Yeah. Um, I do it part time on call when I'm needed pretty much, which is, at the moment about every week. Ok, so you're 20 right? Yes. Uh, what gender do you identify with? I'm a male. Um, yeah, I had to try to ask that question. Um, [00:02:00] what culture do you identify with? I identify myself as a kiwi, uh, or a New Zealand European. And your sexuality is gay? Yes. So when did you first realise? Um, Well, I started realising something was up when I was eight. Uh, and my first sexual gay experience was at four with my best friend at the time, [00:02:30] Um, in the male toilets at kindergarten, as awkward as it was. And, um, I realised something was up at the age of eight, as I said, and I realised more that I was heading towards gay at the age of 12 and stayed at the age of 14. Gay. So when you're age, how did you realise? [00:03:00] Um, just the fact that all my mates were, um, starting to look between like, um at more females, and I was concentrating on more males. So did you have feelings for any of your friends at the time or anything? Uh, yes, I did. Uh, and the great thing about the swimming time is, uh, everyone at that age ends up stripping naked. So I I [00:03:30] pretty much had had a field day with yeah, as the other guy shakes his head in the back of the room. Um, making out with this bottle feel that for you. So, um, when you realised that you had to feel that So actually, now that there was actually a silly question because you kind [00:04:00] of, um you feel like it's a You have to keep it a secret at the moment, don't you? Uh, not so much. No, but, um just some of my family. I want to find a way to break it to them myself. Not anyone else. Tell them like, um, when my other family found out through Facebook because I'm not ashamed on Facebook, they can go on to my page and and have a look. [00:04:30] Whatever. And, um, yeah, they found out from there, and my mom is the only one that actually came up to me and asked me and I told her everything. And she's like, Ok, that's cool. We're happy with who or what you are who or whatever you're happy doing. Just be yourself. Just don't hide anything. So your other family members haven't actually went on Facebook to check it or anything? No, being as my Facebook is actually [00:05:00] set to private. So if I'm not friends with them, then they can't really check it. But my brother went onto my mom's page, who I'm friends with, Um and that's where everything was, um, chucked out. So it became a little bit of a scrambled egg situation thing. Yes, uh, considering I was there and I was staying at a mate's a few days, and I was asked to come home immediately. Uh, I thought I was in the ship or something, but no, [00:05:30] um, they just wanted to talk to me about my which, um, didn't end up happening anyway because it was too awkward. So it's the age of eight. Did you actually feel felt it was the secret that you need to keep it a secret? Um, yes, I did. But, um, it's just just actually recently that, um I've pretty much not not given two shits, to be honest, Um, and [00:06:00] yeah, I've just been me and I can't change being me. Really? So did you ever thought that you had to keep it? Not How did that did you for that? Um, that Oh, my God. This is not the right thing. Or is this normal or anything like that? Uh, yes, I. I did actually think that. And, um, through the stages of trying [00:06:30] to figure out what was wrong with me when really I realised there wasn't anything wrong with me. I was just different. Uh, I had a very, very, um, strong, suicidal sense. And, um, through the stages of trying to figure out who and what I was and if there was anything wrong with me. But really, there's nothing. I'm just human. Did you ever, Um, so have you actually done physical abuse [00:07:00] or physical harm to yourself? Uh, in the past, Yes, but, um, and recently, yes. But that's only because I do have mental, um, issues, which I am getting sorted. Ok, um how did you feel when you first realised? Um oh, that's a tough one. That was a long time ago. Um [00:07:30] uh, I just felt happy, really, That I had finally figured out who and what I was and yeah, now, I'm just happy to be me. So are you out to your or your friends or not? All but most. So how do you feel about that? Oh, pretty happy. Uh, it just feels like there's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. So [00:08:00] how much support do you have currently? Currently? Um, not much. Just the support of my mum. Really? Um, and just friends. Is there any organisation that's in an area that you live that help to? Um, no. The closest one will probably be, um, wacky over in Waikato. [00:08:30] Ok, so, um, have you actually been in a relationship with anybody? Yes, I have. Uh, I just recently came out of one when I found out that my ex-boyfriend was actually cheating on me while I was sleeping in his bed and he went to work with the bunny ears. Um, and yeah, I found out that he was sleeping at the time with about seven or eight different people. And the community is so small, I had never [00:09:00] actually realised there were that many there. So your was your relationship? A secret relationship? Uh, not secret as such. No. Uh, the immediate family knew but I I had to be straight acting and everything, which I am anyway. But, um, come to you naturally. Yeah, like I'm just me. I don't see why I should change, but, um uh, to the neighbours and, uh, people that weren't [00:09:30] family, I'd have to keep it a secret, Like, around town. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't hug him. I couldn't do anything. Was that because you wanted it that way or he wanted it that way? He he wanted it that way. But I'm not really one to do, um, public affection. But at times, I will, depending on the situation or where you are or something like that. If there are people around or something like that, Yeah, like if there's, like, a big [00:10:00] group of, like, other by transgender gay, whatever, um, people around? Yeah, sure. Why not? But if there's just me and a bunch of people, I don't know that. I don't know how they're going to react. React to it then. Yeah. So how does, um how does this affect your relationship with you? Partially being out? [00:10:30] Uh, I'll go back then. Back then. When you were in the relationship. Oh, I didn't have a problem with it. Like, uh, I'd usually only see him at home anyway, because I work, Uh, in early hours of the morning, anywhere from about Oh, anywhere from about, um, 2 a. m. to about 1 p. m. [00:11:00] I can work, and yeah, I'm just I didn't see him anyway during the day because he always had his his job to do. And yeah, so in this slight, when you think about, in a way, do you think he was checking out with other people when you were at work as well? Uh, no. Being as I normally only work from about 2 a. m. to 6 a. m. and then I'll [00:11:30] go home, and he'd still be sleeping in exactly the same position anyway, So, yeah, um, it wasn't until the first time he dumped me, which was about 56 months ago. Roughly. I'm guessing. And, um yeah, it wasn't until then that he actually started cheating. OK, um how do you meet other people as [00:12:00] he takes a sip of his drink? Yes. Um, other people, just people that he knew that were bi, bi curious or gay in the community as well, so you met other people through your past relationship? Yes. How? How about like going through the going on the Internet or Facebook or anything like that? Um What do you mean, Like, do you meet other people through there? Yes. Yes. I'm [00:12:30] very much one of a a social networker when I have the time, But, um, usually, I'm just quite close to my current friends, but, uh, i'll go to different places and go to meet new people. Friends, um, or boyfriend, whatever comes. So what's your definition in virginity? [00:13:00] Virginity? Um, I reckon it's when you actually have sex is when you lose it, right, you can do full play like, um, everything else but sex and still be a virgin. Yeah. OK, so, um, have you actually experienced [00:13:30] or received any abuse from anyone? Um, because of your sexual sexuality or gender identity, Uh, I have done it in the past. Yes, but, um, not so much now, being as I think, it was more of, like, a joke because they didn't actually know. But now that I've came out to them or hinted about it, uh, it's just eased off. So do you have any, [00:14:00] um other questions you want me to ask Or do you have any other comments? Uh, no, not that I can think of at the moment. No, thank you for the interview. You're welcome. Thank you. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: 2010s ; Aotearoa New Zealand ; Auckland ; Bay of Islands ; God ; Hamilton ; Job ; Nelson ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Tauranga ; Wellington ; abuse ; change ; coming out ; community ; dating ; family ; feelings ; friends ; gay ; gender ; homophobia ; mental health ; normal ; occupation ; other ; relationships ; self harm ; sexuality ; social ; social networking ; straight ; suicide ; support ; swimming ; time ; touch ; tough ; transgender ; trick ; virginity ; work. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_name_withheld_4.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089219. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.