The title of this recording is "Joseph - Q12". It is described as: Joseph talks about being young and gay in 2012. It was recorded in Napier, Hawkes Bay on the 17th September 2012. The duration of the recording is 16 minutes, but this may not reflect the actual length of the event. A list of correctly spelt content keywords and tags can be found at the end of this document. A brief description of the recording is: In this podcast Joseph talks about being young and gay in 2012. A brief summary of the recording is: This summary discusses a podcast recording titled "Joseph - Q12," recorded in Napier, Hawkes Bay, on September 17, 2012. The 16-minute recording captures a candid conversation with Joseph, a 25-year-old who discusses their life experiences as a young gay individual in 2012. Joseph opens up about their interests, including a love for baking, coffee, chocolate, and performing arts - even dabbling in drag. The mention of Palmy's Club Q highlights the lack of an active gay scene in their area, which is perceived as predominantly geared toward straight communities. Touching on personal identifiers, Joseph confirms their sex, gender, and sexual orientation as male and gay. They speak of a typical masculine presentation but acknowledge possessing both masculine and feminine traits. Reflecting on self-awareness, Joseph reveals that their realization about being gay came during their teenage years, with scenes of same-sex attraction evident around the ages of 12 to 17. However, an initial period of denial left them grappling with the fear of the unknown and the challenges of living authentically in a small and conservative town like Foxton. The journey towards acceptance and coming out was a mixed bag. At the age of around 18, Joseph disclosed their sexuality to close friends, some gay friends, and their mother via text. Reactions were varied, some surprised, some acknowledging a prior awareness, and yet others dismissive, considering it a phase. Joseph's mother instinctively knew about their orientation, suggestive of a deep maternal intuition. Despite a generally supportive reaction, Joseph still faced the harsh reality of narrow-mindedness within their small-town environment, which pushed them to navigate their journey largely without a support network. Bullying and judgmental attitudes created a secretive and challenging period. Joseph's engagement with the LGBTQ community initially stemmed from a meeting aimed at incorporating a local youth group. Later, they spearheaded the creation of an informal social group for connectivity and mutual support within the community. In the conversation, Joseph candidly shares details about past relationships, admitting to numerous flings - more so than serious relationships - and reflects on the feeling of incompatibility while dating women during their teenage years. An abusive relationship brought significant emotional and physical challenges, prompting self-harm and a strong sense of despair. However, a turning point arose when a helpful individual connected Joseph to a supportive resource, enabling them to reclaim agency over their life. When it comes to social connections within the gay community, Joseph highlights the importance of word-of-mouth in the small-town context, referencing dating sites and social media as other avenues for meeting people. Moreover, Joseph shares their perspective on virginity, noting a broad definition that can encompass various experiences. The conversation also delves into the experiences of abuse and discriminatory comments related to Joseph's sexuality and gender identity. Even amongst friends, hurtful mockery and stereotype-based expectations have been all too frequent. As the interview concludes, the recording reveals a multifaceted portrayal of a young gay individual navigating personal identity, societal attitudes, and the search for community in a relatively conservative setting. The full transcription of the recording follows.  It includes timestamps every thirty seconds in the format [HH:MM:SS].  The transcription begins:  Hello. How are you today? I'm good. Thanks. That's good. How are you, Joseph? Hello, Joseph. Uh, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I'm 25 live in Napier. Sunny, but yet windy. Now, Um, I am an app. Princess Baker. 1. 5 years in. I've been working at the same cafe for three years. Loving the job. Got a nice partner. [00:00:30] Yeah. Yeah. Living a dream? Yeah. What is your likes and hobbies? Um, I do like cooking. I like baking. I love coffee. Chocolate. And I love, um I love performing. Performing? Yeah. So you're into theatre and stuff? Um, yeah. Putting on a show put on entertaining whether it's dressing [00:01:00] up, doing a bit of drag things like that. Yeah. Have you ever been to the palmy? Um, gay club club Q? Yeah. Yeah, I went there once on a Saturday night and there was three people there. Those people were my friends. Yeah, that's the underground club. That's not so underground. Yeah, it's all the straight bars like Melbourne, I think. [00:01:30] Yeah. So, um what is your sex Male? Yes. What gender do you identify with male? What is your sexuality? gay? Yeah. What culture do you identify with? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do you express yourself in a masculine, feminine camp, Butch? [00:02:00] In between, it's probably a cliche, but just straight acting. Straight acting or kind of just just an average gentleman. I don't know. Would you like to tear? Oh, jolly good without the accent. Yeah, without the accent. Um, I can be feminine. I can I can be feminine if I really want to be. But [00:02:30] usually with the amount of hair I've got it just people look at me and they just think I'm kind of straight. Yeah, fair enough. So, um, when did you realise? Um, it's basically been in my head the whole my whole life, but I didn't fully I didn't I didn't actually think there was something like that. And me until I was about 17. 17. [00:03:00] Roughly. Yeah. Maybe maybe maybe 12, 12 or 17? Yeah, they stick in my head. We're like, sitting in them like a classroom and, you see, you know, as a boy across the room and then the eyes no more. Just sexual looking at, um, looking at straight porn and or porn magazines and It was a cock, and it was like, Oh, that's hot. But like, it was like it wasn't [00:03:30] It wasn't the female part part of the porn. It was the male part that I was interested in. It's like if you look at the female page, it's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, all male. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got slightly turned on more than but did you ever went through a denial period? Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah, of course it wasn't. It wasn't big. No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't more. It was more. Just not knowing that [00:04:00] that was the fear of the unknown. Yeah. And now I had to be stuck like that for the rest of my life. That was the kind of did you ever felt like you had to keep it a secret for 2 to 3 years before you came out? Yeah, it was. It was horrible because the town I was living in Fox Fox. Um, between palmy and Wellington. If you blink, you will miss [00:04:30] it. Is it like near Masterton or something? No, no. Maybe because is on this side. So it just kind of jump, right? Right. It's a small, small, shitty town with very narrow minded people. So yeah. Yeah. So the norm was being straight. That's it. If you were anything else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, I saw someone I knew. Um, [00:05:00] So when did you come out? It's about 18. 18. 5 and a half. So, um, who did you come up to first? I would have been a friend. A close friend? Um, Yeah. Like a couple of close friends and a couple of gay friends I knew and had already known. And [00:05:30] and then my mum via via text. What was the general reaction? Um, it was It was mixed. It was half and half between. 00, I didn't know. 00, really? Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah. I kind of figured that there's reasons why you're gay. Yeah. Thanks. Hm. So So how did you tell them? [00:06:00] Text, text, text or email or over the phone? What genuinely did you say on your texts? Um, I think that's just what everyone else would say. I've got something really important to, um to tell you. I'm not too sure how you take it, but this is This is fact. I'm gay. The end and and [00:06:30] it kind of leaves some room for anyone to kind of give their feedback. Yeah. Did you ever get the reaction where they say, Oh, this is just a phase? Yeah. No, not a phase. Like, did you ever get someone that says, Oh, so I must have hacked your phone or something like that? No, but people did say a couple of my friends said, 00, you just you just go out of it. Which you haven't. No, I haven't. No grown, but not out of it. Hm. [00:07:00] Hm. So, um, what was your mother's reaction? I I she she already knew. Yeah. Mother's instinct. They always know. Yeah. I don't get that. Is it? Like, um, when you were born, a rainbow came out of the uterus or Oh, yeah, Kind of a for a Yeah. Yeah. When when the water breaks, There's, um, kind of rainbow. It's like a rainbow. No, I. I [00:07:30] think it's woman's intuition. Woman's intuition. Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Well, they haven't. They They've got you for nine months. So they're gonna know something. Yeah, It's the hormones that give it to them. Yes, hormones. So, um, did you have a support system? No, no, no. No people. No, not at all. No, no, I had to do it by myself. Um, [00:08:00] yeah. I was too scared. People just pointed and judged. And so, uh, yeah, it it was a very slow process. So, uh, do you go to any LGBTI Q groups, or have you been to one? I have been to one, but that was the youth group. That was the, um, the incorporation meeting. What was What was that? That was just to, um, to sign, sign [00:08:30] their life away just to, um, get enough. The youth group want to get enough signatures to, um, be incorporated? Which youth group was that Gay. OK, Yes. For for Hawke's Bay Bay. I have no idea. I I've been to one meeting and I've only had one other meeting, I think. But I've got my own group. What's your group? It's doesn't have a name. It's [00:09:00] more of a social thing. It's the unknown group of Yeah, I I'm just gonna I don't know. Oh, I'll pick a I I'll think of a clever name. Hot sky. Yeah. Yeah. You're thinking about it aren't you? That's cool. There's a ring to it. Yeah, Let's use it. So I just started that a couple of weeks ago. Um, about 10 members or 10 people turned up and just threw around our ideas, and we were just gonna get together every [00:09:30] couple of weeks and just do something, um, social have dinner or something? Yeah. Last night I had a dinner, and that went very well. Yeah, that's good. So, um, you've been You're in a relationship, Obviously. Obviously, you've been in relationships before. Many, many, many. I'm 25. So I've I've been there and done that. And in the smallest amount of small amount of time, I've I've I think Kim Kim later. Quite a what would have more flings or relationships flings. [00:10:00] I mean, clings. Thanks. Yeah, Yeah. Your voice broke. Thanks. Yeah, Thanks. Thanks. Why so the side trying to come out When was your first relationship? Make me remember? Um shit. There's a toilet down there. Well, I've had a few girlfriends, [00:10:30] but first, um, same sex relationship. It was probably Yeah, probably. When I was maybe 2020. Yeah, possibly 20 actually. How did you feel when you were dating a girl. Did you ever feel like this wasn't right or anything like that? Well, I, I think as a teenager growing up in, uh, this society or this world, you you kind [00:11:00] of sexually your Penis goes for a vagina. OK? Not everyone, but I think generally so then, um, sex was fine with the girls for that period of time, but I couldn't stand them emotionally in that. I just felt like cutting their throats so bitchy and yuck, they're not fearless enough. No, no, not enough here. So, [00:11:30] um, would you like to give us, uh, tell us, uh, experience you had with a relationship or I have the best 10, this is This is good. Um, I I was I was living by myself. I was, um, having sex with random people and regulars and everything. Just having fun, just working, living, having fun. And, of course, on NZD. Um, [00:12:00] I met this guy and he turned out to be OK. And at that time, I was only in it for sex, but we went out for two weeks. He lived in Hawke's Bay. I lived in Fox, and then I broke it off because I just didn't like him. Think it was two years later, Did the same thing, um saw him into dating again. And [00:12:30] then And he got, um, got talking and we started to go out and he'd make a trip over here. I'd make the trip over there and so forth, and then he convinced me to move over to, um, Hawke's Bay. So I did. And I knew he had a temper. But, um, as soon as I moved over here, I moved into a place with them. And that's basically just where shit hit the fan. And yeah, you don't [00:13:00] know someone until you really live with them. Yeah, and it showed. So he was He was really insecure. So he and angry. So he took a lot of his anger out and a lot of his insecurities out and twists them around. He was basically a manipulator and an abuser and all that. So 32 years, three years, 2. 5 years of, um, getting beaten up and [00:13:30] bullied and just the just the whole shebang and led me to cutting my arm up in a few places and my legs and that and eventually one person said it was just this one person kind of random and said, You need to go see someone. I've got someone who can help you. Here's their number. And I went to that person, and that's where I turned my life around. That's where I said, [00:14:00] Nah, fuck you. Fat shit. And yeah, how do you meet other people in the community? Word of mouth. It's small. Napier is a small town and you meet everybody. Everybody's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or end of dating or Facebook? Yeah. So what is your definition of virginity? The genesis? Yes. [00:14:30] See? Well, what What's your definition? Like your personal definition? Your or your opinion, huh? I guess if you're incorporating every single person on the earth, um, if you put it in a hole I, I guess it's done. OK, I, I guess. But But a part of me also thinks, [00:15:00] um um you've got a sick in a vagina, but I don't know. It could could just be my traditional. Yeah. Have you ever received or experienced any abuse or abusive behaviour because of your sexuality or gender identity? Yes, Yes. Always. Yes. People like to my straight friends. Sometimes they, um, use it as a joke. [00:15:30] They can. They can play with it. They think they can play with it. And they think they think it's OK. Yeah, well, they they are. They're OK with it, But it's just like you're gay. Oh, Joe, that guy's hot. What do you think? What do you think of him? Yeah, he's ugly. OK, whatever. But But need in my opinion or clothes, that's the worst thing. Like, you and me can go shopping. I was like, Oh, is that what? That's all I'm good for? Yeah, Great. Well, thank [00:16:00] you for the interview. You're welcome. The full transcription of the recording ends. A list of keywords/tags describing the recording follow. These tags contain the correct spellings of names and places which may have been incorrectly spelt earlier in the document. The tags are seperated by a semi-colon: Aotearoa New Zealand ; China ; Club Q (Palmerston North) ; Foxton ; Gay-OK ; Hawkes Bay ; Job ; LGBT ; Manawatu Lesbian and Gay Rights Association (MALGRA) ; Melbourne ; Napier ; People ; Q12 (series) ; Rainbow Youth ; Stuff ; Wellington ; Youth ; abuse ; acting ; anger ; bars ; bullying ; chocolate ; coffee ; coming out ; community ; cooking ; culture ; dating ; denial ; domestic violence ; drag ; dream ; email ; face ; facebook. com ; family ; farm ; fear ; friends ; fun ; gay ; gender ; gender identity ; hair ; homophobia ; identity ; legs ; loss ; love ; magazines ; masculine ; nzdating. com ; other ; pain ; performance ; podcast ; pornography ; rainbow ; regions ; relationships ; self harm ; sex ; sexuality ; ships ; shopping ; social ; straight ; support ; teenage ; time ; venues ; violence ; virginity ; water ; worship ; youth ; youth group. The original recording can be heard at this website https://www.pridenz.com/q12_joseph.html. The master recording is also archived at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, New Zealand.  For more details visit their website https://tiaki.natlib.govt.nz/#details=ecatalogue.1089331. Please note that this document may contain errors or omissions - you should always refer back to the original recording to confirm content.