Search Browse On This Day Map Timeline Research Free Datasets Remembered About Contact

The Sexiest Part of Sleeping Together

Thu 2 Aug 2001 In: Living Well View at NDHA

When men talk about “going to bed” with someone or “sleeping together,” they invariably mean having sex. But I have found that the sleeping part of sleeping together can be equally as sexy as the sex part. Whether it's a one-night stand, a typical night within a long-term relationship, or an innocently cozy nap with a close friend, simply sleeping with another man can be far more intimate and bonding than sexual intercourse, and it's a wonderful closure to acts of lovemaking. I view sleeping together as a process with three main components: [1] quiet time in bed before falling asleep (if you had sex, this would be the period afterwards), [2] actual sleeping, and [3] time in bed upon waking up. During each of these periods, you can enhance the feelings of closeness with your lover. Let's start with the quiet time you spend in bed before falling asleep. Here are some tips for making this a special time for both of you: Dive under the sheets for a few moments and feel each other's warmth. That is the energy field, or aura, that you can feel. It surrounds and enfolds both of you. Whisper to your man how warm and safe you feel under there with him. One or both of you may feel claustrophobic after a few minutes, but before you come up for air become conscious of the energy literally radiating from your bodies. For eight hours or so, your separate energy fields will be in very close contact, interpenetrating one another. Like two vines planted closely together, you and your man will wake up not only physically intertwined but spiritually as well. Lay your head against your man's chest and tell him how comfortable he feels. The bed is an arena of sensuality, whether or not one makes love in it. There is the smell and feel of the sheets on your bare skin, and there is the smell and feel of your lover. The bed is also an arena of softness. There is the softness of the pillow, and there is the softness of your lover. A man tends to be hard most of the day, whether it is his horny cock and muscles all bulging in readiness for sex or his tough and gruff demeanor to help him get through his job and survive the daily commute. The bed is a place to release that hardness, to relax into some softness, and to shift gravity from the vertical to the horizontal. Slowly and gently touch your man's body. Enfold him and feel his textures just as the sheets enfold you. Make him your pillow. But most importantly, let him know that his softness feels good. Synchronize your breathing. This is a “mirroring” technique developed for business people as a way to handle difficult co-workers. It is also effective for one's lover. Observe his breathing pattern and try to match your own to it. When you match your breathing, you literally get in synch with the other person. When two people are synchronized, they get along better. Business people use this technique to become better team members and to help solidify alliances. It's a covert way to make the other person feel that you are trustworthy, that you are operating from the same vantage point. You can also mirror the person's body language to further get in synch, whether in the office or in the bed. Assume your lover's physical position and synchronize your inhalations and exhalations to his. Your bond is guaranteed to strengthen. Hold hands or touch feet. A great deal of life energy passes through the hands and the feet. That's why deals are sealed by shaking hands. That's why holding hands with a lover or playing footsie feels so nice. When you hold hands or touch feet in bed, you are maintaining an energy circuit between you and your man. You are literally keeping connected on the same wavelength. With a little practice, you'll get used to feeling this touch throughout the night and will notice if you have accidentally pulled away when rolling over. Cradle your man's genitals in your hand. This is a gentle and relaxing way to demonstrate your love for his manliness and your desire to protect him. Feel his testicles move and his ballsac contract and expand. This movement is due to variations in heat, as the testicles seek to maintain a steady temperature for sperm production. But it is also part of the rhythm of masculine energy. Form your body alongside your man's. For example, when your man lies on his side, with his knees bent, snuggle up close in the same position. This is known as “spooning.” One nice thing about this position is that you will naturally rest your cock between your man's buttocks. Waking up in this position with a hardon, or feeling your man's hardon pressing against you, is a wonderfully erotic way to start your day. The time you spend in bed actually sleeping can also involve intimacy with your lover. I have just one tip to share for making the most of this time, but it is an important and powerful one: make a conscious intention to dream about your man. Silently tell yourself that you wish to spend time with your lover in your dreams. Whisper to your man that you will see him in your dreams. Make him your last waking thought. A great many lovers do indeed dream about each other, and their dream imagery often overlaps. For practitioners in such cultures as Tibet and Australia, conducting meetings in the dreamtime is business as usual. The time you spend in bed upon waking can also be full of closeness: When your man stretches in a yawn, run your palms and fingers over his chest. When he stretches, he is opening up the energy center at the heart. Your fingertips can gather up that love energy like a bee collecting pollen. Feel each other's faces in the morning. While you slept, a miraculous thing has happened: your hormones have operated on their own, effortlessly expressing your masculinity, evidenced by your growth of beard. Touch your man's scratchy face with your fingertips, lips, and tongue. Rub chins together and feel the stubbly friction. Or, if your man is growing facial hair, touch it to see if it feels longer than yesterday. Enjoy each other's morning erections. Most men wake up with a hardon. Some researchers believe this erection is associated with a full bladder and helps to prevent you from accidentally wetting the bed. Others suggest that bloodflow to the penis during the night is one of your body's maintenance procedures, bringing nourishment to the tissues of the genitals. Whatever the cause, morning erections are fun to play with. Massage each other's muscles. Help jumpstart each other's circulation and start the day relaxed. People commonly pull muscles when they jump out of bed after tightening up during the night. Talk about your plans for the day and what you would like to do together. In Australia, Aboriginal elders sometimes fall asleep with an ill person to expedite healing. Sleeping together is indeed a very healing practice. A cyberbrother shared the following experience with me: “Last night, in the arms of a snuggle buddy, the first snuggle I have had in three weeks, I noticed how wonderfully calm my entire countenance was in his arms. This is very new to me. Heretofore I noticed that when the snuggle was over I needed space apart from a snuggler's body, in order for me to sleep deeply. Last night, I slept like a charm, the whole night in his arms. WOW! As I willingly open my entire self to healing, not just the intellectual process, light can infuse my being. My awareness can infuse my sleeping parts, especially those parts of myself which are products of a culture which tries to define what ‘being' is. And I can take a deep breath into just being. Oh, how delightful it is to be in a brother's arms, to relax, and allow my body, spirit and mind to just be. And if my groin becomes firm, even rigid... to just be and luxuriate in being.” And what more could be said... besides “let's go to bed!” Abdul Hamid - 2nd August 2001    

Credit: Abdul Hamid

First published: Thursday, 2nd August 2001 - 6:44pm

Rights Information

This page displays a version of a article that was automatically harvested before the website closed. All of the formatting and images have been removed and some text content may not have been fully captured correctly. The article is provided here for personal research and review and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of If you have queries or concerns about this article please email us