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Ask our expert: First timers

Tue 24 Sep 2013 In: Safe Sex View at Wayback View at NDHA

“Me and my boyfriend are both virgins and we are planning on having sex soon. I have been in other relationships but nothing really serious happened and I know I’m his first relationship. Should we get checked for STIs/STDs before we have sex? Can we even catch an STI/STD since we are both virgins?” Get It On’s Sexpert says: It depends what you mean by “nothing really serious”. If you have had oral sex there is a chance of contracting certain STIs/STDs although the risk is still relatively low compared to other activities such as unprotected anal sex. You probably don’t need to get tested. Just make sure you use condoms and water-based lube every time you have sex. It’s important to use condoms and lube, even if you’re in a relationship, because approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it. So to protect yourself and your boyfriend you should get into the habit of using condoms and lube from your first time. It may be a difficult conversation to have with your boyfriend, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this: “Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else. And it would be hard for me to tell you if I did the same. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.” “I am 56 and for the first time I am really keen to have sex with another guy. Am I weird at this late stage in life and if ok where can I safely meet another guy without being exposed to weird people? Find I am dressing trying to appeal to guys too not just girls. Went to a nude beach and got freaked - it was something out of another planet. Strange guys running around trying to hit on first timers. Where to from here? Any advice would be welcome. Thanks.” Get It On’s sexpert says: The first time for anyone regardless of your age can be new and scary. There are many ways in which guys can meet or hook up and some of them can be viewed as weird by those who do not know/understand the way things work. Obviously you have tried meeting at a nude beach, we call these public places “beats”. Beats are used by men who want a quick and casual hook up, usually not leading to any conversations, just sex. There are other places you could meet people, the internet is a good discreet place to meet men, you can specify what you are looking for and screen potential men that you would like to meet. NZDating and Manhunt have a good selection of men to choose from, as do mobile apps such as Grindr and Scruff. If the internet is not for you, another good place to meet men is sex on site venues, the men who frequent these places are looking for sex but there are places in the venues for you to have coffee and a chat with someone and there is no obligation to have sex. Click on the link below for locations of sex on site venues. If you do decide to have sex with a man there are some things you need to know – learn all about it by clicking here We also have condom packing on nights in all our major centres ( Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch) where you can meet men in a safe non-sex environment, where you can talk and mingle with other guys. You can find out more by clicking on the link below If you have a sex question, Get It On! are happy to help. Ask their sexpert here! Get It On! Sexpert - 24th September 2013    

Credit: Get It On! Sexpert

First published: Tuesday, 24th September 2013 - 7:30pm

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