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How do I relax my arse?

Thu 8 Jun 2006 In: Ask Our Expert View at Wayback View at NDHA

Martin of Auckland writes: I have always found it difficult to relax my bum sufficiently to get fucked, and lately I can't take a cock without having a few puffs on a joint beforehand. I'm worried that I am now totally reliant on dak to have serious sex. Whatcan I do? Bill comments: One of the things my Daddy told me when I was very young—he was actually trying to prepare me for a heterosexual adult life, but nevertheless I've found it invaluable advice—was “Never put your willy anywhere you haven't first put a finger.” Take it SLOWLY. The top in the situation inserts one finger gently, and massages the wall of the anus before inserting a second finger, and then carefully and slowly twists the fingers and moves them apart, playing and stretching the anus. As soon as there is a feeling if discomfort, stop until the discomfort stops, and then proceed. This whole process can be a highly pleasurable element of sex. Possibly you'll never get on to penile insertion, and that is fine, but when eventually you do, you'll almost certainly find that it is painless. Of course this requires communication between the top and the bottom—but the instructions from the bottom can be quite hot. Playing with dildos, starting small and working up, is also helpful—and allows for solo training of the anal sphincter. The problem is that inexperienced anal muscles easily go into spasm causing considerable pain, and marijuana or amyl and other recreational drugs are ONE way to control that. Deep breathing is also helpful. And so, for many of us, is real intimacy with our partner. But many gay men find that plenty of preparatory digital stimulation before anal sex is all it takes. And over time it often becomes less necessary, but, perhaps, no less pleasurable. What remains necessary however, is the use of a condom for anal sex! Please don't forget, Martin! A book to look at is Anal Pleasure - 8th June 2006


First published: Thursday, 8th June 2006 - 12:00pm

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