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Polyester Keepers?

Tue 30 May 2006 In: Comment

The fundamentalist 'Promise Keepers' are gearing up for another attempt to convert Kiwi blokes, but are they likely to get very far? Probably not. In their (deep bass voice-ahem) "Men of Action" publicity sheet, they commit one or two cardinal blunders. Candice Osborne interviewed Mark (Bull) Allen, former Wellington Hurricane and AB. That's right, Bull's gone all fundamentalist, and sworn off the booze associated with his last sponsorship deal. Now, I don't fault that, but he went and joined Destiny Church too. Sorry, but that looks like an attack on rugby culture, and is a cardinal no-no if you want to attract straight blokes. Speaking of blokery, since when are superannuated old fellows like Bill Subritzky, James Dobson of US Focus on the Family, and Ian Grant "top blokes?" They aren't. They're fundie phobes who want to ban Fun. Subritzky imported two US antigay hate videos in the nineties, while Dobson has been deeply involved in trying to get rid of lesbian/gay- inclusive antidiscrimination laws and same-sex marriage in the United States. Mind you, it is a Radio Rhema advert, so I guess it's preaching to the converted. And of course, going from male bonding to male bonking is verboten. For that, we have to thank Rebekah Montgomery, who thinks she knows why blokes don't go to fundamentalist churches. Apparently, it's because it isn't Manly. These churches appeal to women in the pews with their emphases on an intimate relationship with another man, but apparently, this terrifies straight jokers, who run screaming down the aisle and out of the church, never to return. Churches should be butcher, and emphasise Manly Virtues like achievement, goal-setting, risk-taking and providing Manly Leadership. Oh, like those black t shirt clad blokes who followed the Leader down Lambton Quay in 2004, dressed identically, exuding aggressiveness and intolerance, and monotonally exclaiming "Enough is Enough?" You see, fundamentalists have strange ideas about gender, which involves crushing women's independence and denying them responsibility and access to leadership for the most part, which may explain the high fundie divorce rate. Remember Anita Bryant? Her first marriage ended in divorce because he was a fanatical control freak who conformed precisely to that model. It may explain why there are no major anti-feminist women left visible in this country, for that matter. Finally, the ratbags have kidnapped a beloved gay icon, at least to some of us. As if being hijacked by Winston Peters against a Nat namesake wasn't enough of an indignity, Promise Keepers have slapped a giant diaphragm over his head, and got him to promote a missionary position. Excuse me.Bob the Builder(the real one)is a construction worker, he does clubbing, and he lives alone with a domineering cat. Get your own icons and leave ours alone, please. Can anyone fix this gauche little extravaganza? No, they can't. It may be coincidence, but the acronym for Men of Action is Moa... and they're extinct. Not Recommended: Rebekah Montgomery: "Calling the Church Back to Men" Promise Keepers: Men of Action: 4-5. Candice Osborne: "Training for Life: The Bull Allen Story" PK-MOA: 1-2. Owen Terry: "Can We Build It? Yes, We Can" PK-MOA: 7. Craig Young - 30th May 2006    

Credit: Craig Young

First published: Tuesday, 30th May 2006 - 12:00pm

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