In this second part of a two part feature 'Sione' gives some insights into being gay against a background of homophobic home and street life. (Click here for part one of this feature). South Auckland... it's a huge and diverse geographical area with a huge and diverse population. 'Sione' wants to stress that there is good as well as bad but acknowledges that there are significant population groups in the south of the super city for whom homosexuality is anathema. In the first part of this feature he described cultural, religious and social reasons why homophobia has taken root amongst many young Polynesian men in South Auckland. Sione is gay and yet he managed to survive, even prosper, in the face of his South Auckland neighbourhood's youth street and gang culture which idolises the macho and sometimes brutal posturing of his peers. He "escaped" the life which undermined his self worth and could have made him a target for ostracism and abuse. "Because we are gay we are different and we are exluded... we are not part of the sum of the whole," he says. "I understand why so many people want to ecape it, it's not a healthy, positive, forward-thinking environment. You have to escape or overcome it or it will overpower you. That gang member I met in the venue, he's still stuck in it. He has these urges and they must be so strong for him to come to the venue and ring the bell and go inside but he's still in the neighbourhood environment so that's the way he's going to act... he's a product of the environment. And he also reinforces the environment, partly to keep himself safe. "A Maori boy from the same area as me, I saw him in a gay bar a few years ago. He used to hang out with all the girls to keep himself safe. Most of the gay guys who were out at school hung out with the girls. Because that avoids the boys. That means, even after school, you don't have to associate with the thugs. And even if you are known to be gay, there are like six degrees of separation between everybody in your school, in your neighbourhood which can protect you sometimes. But if that had been another guy from another school and they came across his tracks they'd react differently." "I knew I was gay when I was fourteen," Sione says, "but I didn't come out until I was 24." By that age he had developed some life skills, financial independence and one particular skill that gave him some street cred. He had become a talented, part time, club DJ. "And I'm a pretty lucky guy because my household is pretty educated and that is the difference." Well educated, from a comparatively liberal Samoan family he still dreaded coming out to his family and friends. "Because I was scared of the family's reaction, my friends' reactions and being in my neighbourhood. I was still hanging out with the boys but I'd never told any of them that I was gay." Love finally forced the issue. Sione met and fell in love with another gay man. He was determined not to lead a double or false life. His father had died years before and Sione still lived in the family home helping support his deeply religious mother. "Mum turned. Badly, real badly. To the point that I stopped talking to her about anything, about where I was going, what I was doing." Things got so bad that an older relative intervened, forcing Sione's mother to face facts and helping her overcome a lifetime of anti-gay conditioning. "It wasn't good for six months," he says. Gradually she came around. Surprisingly, he had a easier run with his closest friends. Friends who, like Sione himself, had managed to avoid the worst of the macho culture of 'keeping it real.' "They sat me down and said that they knew, that I was different but that was alright, that we're mates 'so that's ok.' But I was the exception. I've seen other people that have been ridiculed, abused, cut off." But word got around, rumours spread. At this stage Sione was working as a cook in a Manukau nightclub. "One night one of the bouncers sat down and eyed me and was looking at me funny, doing the whole staunch thing. Then he said 'Some of the guys have been talking that the cook's gay.' I got mad inside and he was really aggressive about it. But I just asked him if he'd enjoyed his meal that I'd cooked, changed the subject. I didn't step up to it, I kept myself safe." In the end a mutual friend sorted the bouncer out on the matter. Sione's self-confidence helped, but "I've got friends who are still in the closet and who won't come out because their family is so ignorant. It's a defence mechanism, it's not because they don't want to, it's for safety. They're locked into feeling different from everybody else, not being able to talk about it, even fearing geting kicked out of the family." He understands their fear. "It's not easy coming out, especially when you are young. Whatever race or culture you are your brain and your will are not super strong... you're still trying to sort things out and you're in an enviromnent where everyone's saying people like you are 'bad! bad! bad!'" In the end many cannot overcome the hurdle of fronting up to family friends and the neighbourhood. Like many gay, lesbian and trans people have done for generations, they up and leave the only world they have ever known. "That's what people do, they move to another town... a lot go to Sydney. Sydney's a safe environment... not only are there more guys there but its far away from their neighbourhood where being gay is a bad thing. You can be open and out there. Being Polynesian we're a small group but being gay is being an even smaller vulnerable minority within a minority." Perhaps, for young gay Polynesian people, school is a more tolerant place than home, church or the street? "In my time at high school I never heard a teacher speak negatively about sexuality, but there was no support at the same time. Nothing positive. Look at the bullying problem we keep hearing about at the moment... a young kid who's thirteen or fourteen and maybe a bit effeminate, whether they are gay or not, they get gang-bashed. If you stand up and say 'Hey, I'm gay' it's like you're drawing a target on your chest. I don't blame kids for staying in the closet... until they are ready to escape the environment that's putting them down, it's an escape mechanism, it's not a courage thing... the courage comes when your heart and your brain are sorted." And even if there are counsellors or more positive influences in some schools "as kids are growing up and struggling with their sexuality and their place in the world school is still separate from living the hood, from being in the neighbourhood." Sione has parted company with his neighbourhood. He still lives there but his life is more focused on the central city and his music and close friends who accept him. "I don't associate much with my neighbourhood any more. I'm welcome in it because of my past... I can walk freely, even with the young people around that act stupid, because I know their older brothers and sisters and most of their parents. But I'm lucky. I do think about the gay, lesbian and trans people in the hoods that don't have my luck." What do they need? "They need for their families and friends and as many people as possible to understand that it is not ok to treat gay people, any people, badly, that their abusive behaviour has got to change. They have got to make space for people that are different." Jay Bennie - 9th February 2012