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Gimme Gimme Gimme. But don't gimme Kiwifruit

Thu 26 Jan 2006 In: Television View at NDHA

On first viewing, Kiwifruit impressed me with it's whizz-bang editing. On second viewing I realised it was nothing but whizz-bang editing! But, blow me down (or blow me any way you want), for its final outing, Kiwifruit actually came up with some content! Some of our famous gaybeards pontificated about the origins of various hateful gay words. Aorewa McLeod believed 'queer' was as recent as Homosexual Law Reform (1985), David Herkt blamed 'bugger' on the Bulgars and Welby Ings, without a trace of a smile (he just doesn't do irony, does he), said Victorians knew a pavement pansy seller was really pimping for a Victorian rent boy. Amanda interviewed Christine Parker, a film maker off to some prestigious think tank overseas (overseas! Amanda was suitably awed) where she'll get to use real actors (Michael Gambon! Amanda was... oh, see above) instead of awful kiwi actors in a trial run of a movie about nudie dancer Freda Stark. Christine will be able to make kiwi movies just like Peter Jackson's - few kiwi actors, no kiwi stories, just lots of digitally enhanced kiwi landscapes. And won't Micheal look fabbo in gold paint! Next up, I couldn't believe my tired old ears when the lesbian puppets came up with that tired old joke about 'cunning linguists', but the puppetophile in me says "I love you, lesbian puppets". Finally, a beardless Kevin actually stopped talking to inanimate objects (a cocktail, a Big Mac, a turkey ...) and conversed with real people! At the Ellerslie Flower Show no less (Kiwifruit is so fresh! Why, that event only happened months ago) Kevin flapped around interviewing gay bonsai queens, foreign flower import queens, gay-friendly old ducks and Glenn, president of a glbt flower club and president of a perennial flower society! I think Glenn said it all when he explained that gays go from being young and buff to gardening with nothing in between. As usual, the best segment was Boring Gay Couple and what a cliffhanger! They couldn't remember what happened last night but we the audience knew they had briefly stopped being a boring gay couple and become a boring gay threesome! I had to reach for the teabags after that one. I didn't see that (or them) coming (thank god)! BGC, however, reached for a glass of freshly squeezed wheat germ grass and that's how we left them, reaffirming their gay boring marriage-that-isn't-really-but-a-civil-partnership-will-do-for-now-at-least-we-can-get-ourselves-some-tax-relief, complete with a lack of physical touching that is almost touching, really, it's just so gay pakeha ... And now we can all get some Kiwifruit relief! In contrast (and what a contrast!) Gimme Gimme Gimme also ground to a halt on the same evening. For now, TV2's Gay Night In has been reduced to The L Word. I used to think I loathed Gimme Gimme but forcing myself to watch it before Kiwifruit I decided I loved it. It had everything that Kiwifruit lacked, notably unashamed in-your-face loudness (and yes I do mean that figuratively as well as literally). When we're old and suffering from ipod deafness we will thank Gimme Gimme Gimme - it will be the only show we can hear! The episode where Sue Pollard imitated Linda was louder than a Metallica concert crossed with speedway. My telly speaker crumbled! I'm surprised the Aro Valley wheat germ set weren't writing cross letters to someone. This final episode high-lighted the talents of the adorable James Dreyfus (he's one of ours, you know) with Kathy Burke taking something of a back seat (except she can't really, she's not only vocally loud she's everything loud - that hair!). The comedy reached a fabulously new low point when Linda got Tom to stroke her down there! Oooh, you won't be seeing that on Kiwifruit! Boring Gay Couple could get a few tips from watching Linda and Tom - maybe if they just raised their dreary little voices a tad, they'd get to squeeze something a bit more exciting than wheat germ grass... John Curry - 26th January 2006    

Credit: John Curry

First published: Thursday, 26th January 2006 - 12:00pm

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