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Snapshot 2000 - Ben [AI Text]

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I think you generally get to a stage where you realise. Ok? Yeah, I do know I am. And I am accepting that I am. Whereas I went through a stage of denying it for a long time where I thought it's just a phrase. I'm not really gay. Um, I suppose as you get older, you you mature and you realise and I. I guess I was a really early age at 14 and I came out to them because I'm by that stage I had known God for ages for many, many years and [00:00:30] I just had to tell someone. So I told my best friend and she was kind of like, shocked. She was like, Wow, she didn't know what to do. So we can never spoke about it. And then 23 months later that, like, all built up again, and I was at the stage where I just had to tell someone. So one day, Mum was in the shower and I wrote her a note and I said, Hey, Mum, I'm gay and I put it in a slipper. So when she got out of the shower, she put a shoe on, found this note and read it. And from there, um, she kind of walked into my room and goes, Ah, [00:01:00] I've read this note and I'm like, Oh, my God. And we talked And then we cried and talked and cried and talked and cried for hours and hours. But I found that was a really, really good move. And, um, just having someone there that knows for support was excellent. And so, yeah, that was my, like, my original coming up process. And by that stage, I'd logically known that I was, um, at school, though a few months later, I had got to a stage where I built up all again and, um, everything at school is just kind [00:01:30] of getting really, really annoying. And I just kind of like broke down in class one day. And, um, from there, everyone kind of asked, you know what happened? Why? And so I told everyone. And, um, that was kind of the worst mistake I ever made. And I actually regret coming up at school. Um, like what? Eventually, the, um my counsellor told me I should tell Dad, and I'm like, No. And, um, Mum had just told him behind my back one day and Dad stopped speaking to me for six months, which was kind of hard, but, um, I guess he just needed his time to get over it because he's a real [00:02:00] macho man. He was in the 1st 15, he lost his two front teeth in a fight. He drinks beer and whatnot. Um, but at school, I went to an all boys kind of upper class school, but it's not really too upper class, but, um, just the attitude was there you had to be macho to rate. Um, you had to play first, you play rugby, and if you weren't you were different and you're hassled and people I've never met before would walk up to me in the quad and go, Oh, you and, um, it got to the stage where it was too much. [00:02:30] And I had heaps of friends living, going to a school near me where my other friends lived. So I changed schools to a coed school, and that's the best move I ever made. I get very little hassle there. I find there's just such a different atmosphere. It's excellent that the fact you've got girls and there's There's not so much this Mao egotistic thing where, like, you have to be something and, like everyone, just accept you for you. And it's also a very multiracial school. So I mean that I suppose that's another point that I mean, everyone is different and they just accept you for what you are. [00:03:00] Um, after that, I mean, the introduced me to a lot of gay people. I suppose that also helps me. Um, I had a good friend like that was always there for me when I was coming out and just offered me advice. And I always ask the questions and I mean, I suppose that was really good again having that support someone you can talk to and they can help you through the process of coming out and then I. I suppose it's just like a chain. And then he introduces you to more people and more people, and eventually you just get to know a whole lot of people and you create a whole group of friends [00:03:30] outside like the abstract that are gay and that their support and you realise you aren't the only one and that you're normal and that there's other people like you genuine, like you. And it's just like, um wow. So yeah, um, but again, school. I mean, coming out of school is like, a thing. I regret it. Kind of like I don't know it. Like, do you or don't you? I guess it's a choice most people have to make themselves. But I don't recommend it at the moment, because school is just, um cos ready for [00:04:00] it. I mean, teachers didn't know what to do. They they just ignored the harassment. Um, they just ignored the harassment. And, um, I had meetings with teachers and everything, and nothing really happened. Teachers just try to choose not to listen to it, I suppose. And it just got such a hassle. And I'm still like, I know I do get the harassment. It's not as much, but ideally, I suppose it's just better telling a few good friends. And that's all you need to tell. And you just leave it at that and that [00:04:30] you've just got the support there, which is the main thing for you. Um, other than that, like just with parents and that it's just, you know, you just be you know, when the time is right. It gets to a stage where everything builds up and, you know, the time is right to tell someone, and you just it's just something I don't know how to explain it, but I just was like, Well, I need to tell someone, and I did. And I suppose it happens at different times for everyone because a lot of my friends now are concerned. Come out at 16, 17, 18. And you know, they say I came up really [00:05:00] early, but it's just something, you know, that what has to be done. And I guess you just everyone does it at their own pace. And I just guess I grew up early. When you first come out as logically, you're also very rainy, I suppose would be the way of putting it. And, um, you think you know everything and that. And, um, you just rush into things And I suppose that's one thing I regret. Um, I was 14, and I suppose I just wanted to just to experience that, and, um, it was nothing. It's just a waste, [00:05:30] Kind of, um I mean, the curiosity is there, but I do recommend waiting. Um I've just recently broken up with a long term relationship. Um, it was very hard. Um, but I mean, my first time. I guess it's just a learning experience, and you get through it and, like, I had known this person for a while, So it was a good thing, I suppose. But, um, I suppose it's just something that always happens, and that curiosity does kick in and you are randy and horny, and [00:06:00] your hormones take over. You, um I think is I find a lot of older men often like to go for younger people. That's one mistake I've never made. I can say, um, I think that's one thing people just need to be careful. Careful of that, people aren't what they see, and they do lay a lot, and especially in the clubbing scene and all that, you will get people that will make you feel wonderful but only want you for one thing again. It's just these older men that are just looking for one thing, and there's nothing really there. And I I've seen it so much in Christchurch that older men going [00:06:30] for younger people and, um, it's like the younger people are vulnerable because they want support and someone to hold. And the older men know this, so they take advantage of it. So that's one thing I say to be very careful of, because you can get trapped and you may not realise it, but it does happen. And, um, yeah, I try to warn people all the time about it, and it's just good to to not just to, like, stand up and just realise, OK, I'm gonna be careful, and I'm not gonna rush into anything. So yeah, um, or you're always nervous. [00:07:00] So I remember you always feel nervous whenever anything sexual happens from kissing to holding hands or anything, you're always like, you know, wow, sweating. I suppose it's It's a weird experience and you get used to it and it becomes nice later on. If it's with someone you really like, it becomes an amazing thing. So just don't rush into it would be my advice. Um, just wait and you will find someone that you feel special about, so yeah.

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AI Text:September 2023