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Hi everyone, so my name is Ezra Baldwin. I use they, them pronouns, and I am a designer, creative, and teaching assistant based in Tāmaki Makaurau, Auckland. Um, and when I'm able to be a teaching assistant, I work at AUT, which is also where I study. So today I'm going to be unpacking a couple of aspects of my master's project, um, which is an autoethnographic, uh, study about yours truly, and I'd like to just preface it with [00:00:30] Um, I acknowledge that the view, the um, the references and views in my thesis are very Western based, and that's not the only realm of knowledge or way of seeing transness and non binary identity and queerness. Because it's an autoethnographic project, I refer to things that I grew up with in my base of knowledge and my references. Um, so it's. And it's not my place to be, um, trying to speak of things that I don't know much about or is not my [00:01:00] background, um, without further research and consultation. So, I just wanted to get that out of the way first. So, my project, uh, is It's called Transcendence, an exploration of collage as a voice for non binary identity. My research question was, how might one use collage to visualize and express a lived experience of a non binary identity? And after 18 months, I figured it out. Which is what this presentation's about.[00:01:30] So why did I pick this topic? There are two main reasons. We'll start with the slightly more positive one and go into the more, uh, less positive That makes sense, one. I wanted to find a way to figure out my identity in a clearer way and express it in a way that I had the expertise to do, being the communication design. Um, and do it in a way which feels authentic to what it means to be non binary. And the [00:02:00] way I define non binary, um, that I find most useful is literally anything but man or woman. Um, that's probably the simplest way I can put it. And transgender as being, uh, journeying from one gender, and it doesn't have to be to another, it could be to multiple, but it has to be the inclusion of a journey of some sort, um, which is where non binaryness and transness can, but [00:02:30] don't always kind of fall within one another. The second reason, uh, comes with a couple of trigger warnings for a couple of upcoming slides, is that I wanted to contribute to better representation of non binary and transgender people within society and within the community. Because while society is getting better and better, um, especially within the last 18 months, there have been some real good reminders of how far we actually have to go and how [00:03:00] much. There is still underlying discrimination and hatred out there within society. So just a quick content warning, there are going to be mentions of homophobia, transphobia and threats of violence, but it should only be for the next three slides. So, back in June of last year, we had the arson attack on the Rainbow Youth and Gender Dynamics building down in Tauranga. In March of this year, we had [00:03:30] Posey Parker coming to spread her transphobic and misogynistic and overall just nasty worldviews, and we had a huge rally of allies and rainbow community come out and quite literally drown her out. And a couple of weeks ago, so I'm not sure how widely this was spread. Um, a couple of weeks ago, as I was making this presentation, A University of Auckland student [00:04:00] made an incredibly disgusting comment on a Discord server, which was then picked up by police, um, around promising extreme violence the next, uh, the next day at transgender students at University of Auckland. That's just across the road from where I work and where I studied. I hate the way the media put this because it diminishes it. The police found that there was no threat. I disagree. There was a very strong threat, but the intent [00:04:30] to actually carry it out was not followed through, if that makes sense. So that's, well, three events within 16 to 18 months, and I have a lovely quote from my thesis to kind of sum up the sentiment. Despite the protestations of our society that people who are queer, transgender, and non binary are accepted, we are still living in a state of fear and hyper vigilance where we are often judged, misrepresented, and misunderstood. That's why I do what I do. [00:05:00] I want to. Now, I originally have five collages, I'm showing you a selection of three today, because they speak to each other better. They represent experiences that I want to have through a non binary lens in the way I see the world, and I'll explain a little bit of the kind of easter eggs behind them as I go through them. The first being Eros and Ludus. So this is the first collage I created, [00:05:30] and it is in the, um, program. That's not a brag, it's just if anyone wants a closer look after the, after this goes. Um, From Fraternal Solidarity to Queer Affection. This particular, um, sculpture is part of a larger panel piece by French, uh, artist, I forget, Amélie José Dallot. And it was made in 1883. Which, as a queer person, I was like, that's really early. It was to depict the, um, the passionate fraternal kiss between [00:06:00] two strong socialists as a form of greeting. It's safe to say that's not what I saw when I saw this. So I took that and its existing meaning, um, and, well, that's how I want to be loved. That's how I want to love another person, but maybe not as, not all of just masculinity, right? With the, you know, with the powerful, you know, holding each other in the musculature and the um, [00:06:30] societally stereotypical beard and short hair. But there's a softness, there's a tenderness, there's a desirability, which I've brought in with the colors and the flowers and the um, the dusk and dawn. Uh, kind of transition in the background there. My second collage is Reclining Colossus, which is, you know, I'll be a bit of an artifact here with a little bit of portraiture knowledge, is focusing on the internal gaze. Um, if you go around art [00:07:00] galleries and look at art pieces, um, a lot of portraiture, the subjects are staring out at the audience, which is kind of what I'm doing now, and it can make people uncomfortable. I've kept all of the gazes in my work internal, so looking in, looking at each other, and away from the audience, which both shows the intimacy of kind of how I want to exist with a potential partner, just the safety, the security, this love, away from everyone else. You know, we're doing our own thing over here. But it allows the viewer to look at it [00:07:30] and go and observe and kind of, you know, reflect within themselves without feeling confronted. So it creates kind of a safety barrier between them. And my final collage for, um, for this selection is the Younger Self, and this one holds quite a special place in my heart. Um, this is The statue is originally baby Dionysus and his, being held by his mentor Selenus. That's my current trans [00:08:00] self nurturing my inner child. Um, as a, yeah I can say this is a safe, a safe space, as a little girl, I, um, after about the age of maybe, you know, 7, 8, I started denying myself things traditionally feminine. I didn't know why. I didn't figure myself out until I was 17, 18. But I didn't want to be like other girls, I didn't want to like pink because other girls like pink and that's too girly, um, but I never fit in with the boys and even though I wanted to play soccer with them or play video games, I kind of, you know, [00:08:30] you distance yourself from that too because you feel like an other. And now I can look back at my younger self and go, hey, guess what, it works out, let's kind of rediscover these things together, I'm going to, I'm going to, Hold you close, and we're gonna go embrace the colour pink again. We're going to We're going to embrace all of these things that you denied yourself because That's the power of what you can do as a trans person at a, um, safe space within your healing. So, I [00:09:00] got to make my own definition of collage, because why not? It's a master's degree. Collage, traditionally, it's quite discorded, quite punk, quite visible edges. You can see quite literally where this paper has been stuck on the top of one another, and as you can see, mine doesn't do that. So why not redefine it to make it more inclusive? So, quoting myself again, um, A process of continuous building and unbuilding where one draws content from existing ideas, mediums or media, then combines, amalgamates, [00:09:30] layers, subverts or otherwise transforms the content, Very importantly, along with its existing connotations and associations, into a new body of work. So it just, it doesn't get rid of the old definition and the old way of doing collage. It just opens it up to be more broad and more inclusive. So, people like me can do harmonious. Uh, collage like that, and it still, um, can be defined as such. And upon reflection, and kind of that, [00:10:00] that search for a medium which is, um, sympathetic to being non binary. Actually, non binary is a form of collage. Which sounds crazy when you first say it, but when you break it down, or at least when I did, you can agree or disagree, it actually kind of works. And now I've blacked out parts of my definition and I want to see if we're on the same wavelength here. Non binary identity. A process of continuous building and unbuilding existing ideas This combines, [00:10:30] amalgamates, layers, subverts, or otherwise transforms, along with existing connotations and associations, into a new body. So, I, I mean, for the purposes of this presentation, I'll just refer to trans and non binary folk, but it counts for anyone who's queer and anyone who just exists in the world. You know, I start off with a blank canvas, or a previously femme canvas, and I go, well, I want to have that part of masculinity, sticks beard on, um, [00:11:00] I want that aspect of kind of more camp femininity, puts the shirt on, but I don't mind the feminine, um, you know, the way I move, the previous experiences I had, the kind of things I learnt through growing up in sisterhood, and I'll keep those too. Is that not a form of collage? Is putting, is getting tattoos and, you know, maybe they start off as flash and gain meaning or they might be something deeply, um, connected to you culturally or societal or so on, is that also not a form of [00:11:30] collage? So I'll just leave this with you, you can think what you will. But that was something I thought of, okay, that makes collage the appropriate form to do this, um, autoethnographic study through. So that's kind, that was kind of the, the whirring maelstrom of thoughts that created, uh, Transcendence. And through this, and through the, um, events of the last 18 months, but also kind of just going back as far as the, um, as the eye can see with, uh, [00:12:00] queer and trans liberation. Presence over protest, um, does creative style and approach to activism, do they converge? Um, something that I've come across and other people I know have come across is this thought that protest and activism within the queer community are generally only seen as huge air quotes, valid, when they are extroverted, loud, busy and confrontational or are parties full of alcohol and covered with rainbows and glitter. [00:12:30] Um, these are not bad things. It's only when they're seen as the only, I'll be quick, only valid form of protest and action is when they become bad. I didn't go to the protest at Albert Park because I was having anxiety attacks and scared for my safety, and I felt like a bad queer because of it. We are made to feel that we don't care about the community if we don't participate in these often confrontational, overwhelming, and inaccessible events. I know a lot of people who didn't go to the protests and go on, you know, the marches down Queen Street because they had mobility issues or, [00:13:00] um, neurodivergent issues where they'd get overloaded or there wasn't a quiet space for them to jump out from. So we have to remember our family too. I argue that an extroverted approach is one of many forms of protest and activism, not the only valid one. And queer activism and protest can also be introverted, softer, expressive, and artistic in their approach. Artists and their artwork have played an essential role in the queer and trans liberation movement across the world. Uh, if we're going internationally, Keith Haring's work, [00:13:30] um, Silence Equals Death in the Pink Triangle, and um, as we saw this morning, the quilts. Those aren't loud and extroverted, necessarily, depending on the, um, presentation. But those are still equally powerful forms of protest and action. So to conclude, uh, since my time is running out, I will leave you with a quote. I'll let you read it rather than narrate it myself. Uh, from Hafsat Abiola, who's a Nigerian women's rights activist.[00:14:00] And this is what I want to leave you all with today. Thank you.
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