[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride and David and rainbow.
[00:00:05] Hello, how are you today?
[00:00:07] I'm actually fantastic. How are you?
[00:00:10] I'm absolutely fantastic.
[00:00:13] So who are you? My name is Alex Ray. I'm from Hamilton.
[00:00:20] subscription donate as much as you want. Yeah, I work in childcare. I am queer identifying
[00:00:29] yep
[00:00:38] Oh that's a toughie Don't get me started on that. It's like up too much Done. Done anyway. Oh, wow. That's not quite like alternative rock bands and mix it with maybe a bit of a Gaga
[00:00:48] was gonna let the guy go. So linkin park guy like what was the famous all like paper cut or not? Yes. No. No, don't Don't you know, Linkin Park. Pocket cramp. Okay, fine. Okay.
[00:01:04] Oh, you've been a Jared Leto. Yeah, Jeremy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:01:07] So it closes closer to the year going
[00:01:12] to the rah rah,
[00:01:14] rah. Ah, that sounds good. Sounds like good remix. Yeah,
[00:01:18] but closer to the edge of glory.
[00:01:23] I like that was cool. Yeah.
[00:01:33] So you were lucky?
[00:01:36] I do. I am a youth mentor at work here and I have been for since February this year.
[00:01:45] like six months?
[00:01:48] And I've been a member here since 2009. I believe.
[00:01:55] So how old are you?
[00:01:56] I'm 18 years old. I was 15.
[00:02:00] So Have you always been a Hamilton person? Yes, I was born here. I live in Burlington for a small part of my life. And I've been around various places in the Waikato but mainly centered in Hamilton split custody between like four different families as well.
[00:02:17] So you into filing since I know too much politics around here.
[00:02:21] I was like seven and it was just crap. My dad forced me to move there. That was cool
[00:02:27] around the time where Helen Clark Oh, yeah, my brain actually
[00:02:32] takes me back ever actually saw the beehive being tossed my left there was the proper like once better.
[00:02:42] Anyway, so what's your gender identity? I am assist female and your gender expression.
[00:02:51] I express myself as mostly female mostly mostly. I'm known to occasionally bond Yeah, we have been motorbikes
[00:03:01] say hello I'm Bruce always been interested in becoming a drag king but I'm not good at it.
[00:03:10] What would you be? What's your song be? Ah closer to the closest to the age of go hard
[00:03:18] to make it first. Ah, you just saw you just go a bit far I don't think that right now. has to be a classic definitely definitely have to be a classic rock song. Oh yeah. Yeah. AC DC.
[00:03:34] Oh, Enter Sandman. Yeah, that's a good song. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:03:42] So was your sexuality
[00:03:49] identify courage ladies pants it sure. I deviled and being by and I claimed to be lesbian for a while but I I'm sticking with pen.
[00:04:03] But everywhere. Yeah,
[00:04:05] spread and spread it all out. Put my feelers out there. It's like
[00:04:08] It's like English Breakfast in a way.
[00:04:10] I can't limit myself.
[00:04:13] Sausage, eggs. English breakfast.
[00:04:21] Breakfast through waffles.
[00:04:24] Okay, I'm contesting that.
[00:04:30] Opening. I'm hungry.
[00:04:35] was because I see you hungry already? I'm hungry now. Yeah, that's good. Yes.
[00:04:49] So when did you realize
[00:04:51] that I was clear? I did fine. Yeah. Oh, let's say I actually the first time I was ever attracted to a female because, you know, I think that's probably a pretty good place to start, was I was about 12 years old. And I meet an openly bisexual woman who was the five years older than me. She's my best friend, his older sister. And she was she was pretty cool. At the time. I just thought she's pretty cool. And then after a while off, like you're actually pretty All right.
[00:05:22] And I kind of denied it for a little while from there. And then probably again, when I was 14, and I had my first girlfriend.
[00:05:30] When did you accept it?
[00:05:31] I wasn't accepting of it. I was raised in a household where you love you love and it doesn't matter what size anybody? My grandmother was, at least me and my brother is transgender and pretty much doesn't really matter. So I didn't need to accept it because it was just part of life.
[00:05:45] I was pretty accepting.
[00:05:47] Pretty accepting. So I can pay pay card. Similar
[00:05:50] similar sort of scenario. Yeah, I was ready or prepared for it. Yeah.
[00:05:53] I'm prepared to be queer.
[00:05:58] Something like this. Yeah.
[00:05:59] Shut the spot. A spy a prepaid.
[00:06:04] prepaid except in this place.
[00:06:09] I love this was great.
[00:06:13] Yes, you are great. So we did you came out of the closet.
[00:06:17] Okay. Now you you make things interesting. You mean to the community in general with my family to my friends,
[00:06:23] whenever wherever you started.
[00:06:25] Okay, well, obviously first you could catch yourself. So coming into the realization in which I was grinding to find
[00:06:33] the in. I had a few girlfriends and a few boyfriends kind of in secret for a while mostly because my parents that I was too young to date. So it wasn't that I didn't come out that I was pretending that I didn't like anybody. Then when I was maybe 15, I was dating a young lady. And she wanted to stay at my house the holidays. So we just kind of grew up with my parents house. And I said, This is my girlfriend is it. I'm here. And I'm like, okay, that's okay. That's my dad. My step mom.
[00:07:04] So that's it. Oh, hello, name. Yeah, exactly.
[00:07:07] It was just really Medicare down for me. And I kept my mother by a similar sort of scenario where I went as my girlfriend's birthday party can drop into your house,
[00:07:17] your girlfriend and search that
[00:07:20] actually might be a different person come to think about a month first. And then as I got into wacky, and I was outed at school by a scene where he member and that wasn't all that great, because she asked me as being a lesbian, which I wasn't at an old girls school that was not totally acceptable, especially in my very conservative group of friends. Yeah,
[00:07:44] some some sounds girls be like, whoo, let's be in and
[00:07:50] that's pretty much the gist of it. I got shunned out of existence, I was left with three friends from the entirety of high school because everyone else decided that the duty lesbian must want to hit on me when I expect I was like, seriously don't touch the basketball like flatter yourself.
[00:08:06] About the people side coming towards you saying I'm actually a lesbian
[00:08:13] bisexual because you know guilty really proud of themselves and they bisexual and usually it's because I've had to me Watkins
[00:08:19] so I had a few people that were sort of like, I kind of know being like, Oh, do you have friends? Except you because I'm actually buying? I'm not gonna have any friends. I'm like, Well, my friends don't accept me. But good luck with that.
[00:08:31] Oh, oh. But you know, I have a few girl who's lemon Matata, Sharon.
[00:08:37] Thanks for coming out tonight. And so name Yeah,
[00:08:39] exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:08:45] So there are the goals that
[00:08:50] they were like, the girls to like,
[00:08:57] actually have a friend and I were involved in a news article in the market or times about, you know, the queer youth community and the y kiddo. And I didn't didn't occur to me that I wasn't out to my extended family. And all of my grandparents and subscribers to the WebKit are times. Yet the next Christmas was was pretty interesting. I think my younger cousin says something to me along the lines of you tell me you gay?
[00:09:25] It's really sad. I did as well. Yeah.
[00:09:30] So mostly my coming up was forced upon me. Right, accidental. But like,
[00:09:38] most of my family don't actually mind really. Like my paternal grandfather is pastor of a point in Christian church. And he's just saying it's not happening, I think and my Nana is
[00:09:55] 12 Well, that's my partner.
[00:10:00] a support system. Yeah,
[00:10:02] it was there from the start, um, my brother, who that's trans. He's not actually my brother, but he's my cousin all rights together. He was always there for me from the beginning, because he came out first as being bisexual. And I think he likes it. He was listening to him becoming bisexual. He came out as trans. So he sort of came out almost adjacent to me, because has took such a drawn out process and it's took so much longer to explain to everyone what trans was that? I don't
[00:10:31] know. It kind of
[00:10:33] distracted from me a little bit, which made it easier because I would they weren't scandalized by the fact that I like girls though. Too busy being like, how does that work? How will you know?
[00:10:43] Unless they must have the gene. Yeah,
[00:10:45] I actually, I'm a firm believer in the queer Jane. Yes. Pretty, pretty obvious family. Yeah.
[00:10:51] positive results.
[00:10:54] Were just, you know, getting on the Nice. Nice. Yeah,
[00:10:58] we've got the Jane. James. James. So James. James. James. Yeah, Riley James.
[00:11:07] Those don't exist.
[00:11:08] I can see myself I remove saying this poster of spam. That's Rambo college. Not not a real swear this is the poster saying the rainbow Jane.
[00:11:20] This is a really gross way to put it like the DNA. helix thing was a cool DNA that Yeah, really? Yeah. Yeah, that isn't rainbow. That might have been nice. Oh,
[00:11:31] it's a cartoon. so
[00:11:35] shy? Yeah. Gross. So you,
[00:11:39] obviously you've had a few relationships?
[00:11:43] Yes, I've actually been out with more boys than girls. My current partner was female when we meet. And two years now six months ago, he came up to me as trends. So I kind of had to stop pretending I wasn't being didn't identify the fact that I actually have been sexual because despite the fact he's now my wife is still very much in love with him. And that's really, with me tonight, I believe, is the character we live in at present
[00:12:09] in the present. And every other relationship goes into at night. Yeah, pretty
[00:12:13] much. Yeah. So
[00:12:17] how do you make sure other people in the queer community?
[00:12:20] Um, well, when I first came out, well, you know, when I first began the journey of self realization, and I'm started feeling wacky, I make one people equate community that I would not have met otherwise. So um, yeah, probably working as a really big one. Now that I'm over 18, I suppose I make them and shine. Gay cloud.
[00:12:40] Those sitting into the advertising campaign. Yeah, it's come to the local shine gay club. We call it shine because we know that you like to shine.
[00:12:50] Even honestly, it's kind of older men who probably to visiting live. I'm not sure about your YouTube female meter penetration Joe. So that's, that's great. That's really cool. Yes, because
[00:13:02] everybody is grinding up and you're killing us.
[00:13:06] striped bass. Actually, what I've ever seen a striped bass just sort of clubs that aren't
[00:13:13] supposed
[00:13:15] spaz, I don't normally get head on. I'm normally with my boyfriend, anyone. It's usually pretty good. Kind of like, Don't fucking Look at me. signal. I think you're the whole like, holding hands. Like that's right.
[00:13:30] I've just made that noise though.
[00:13:36] I'm not sure I could do that. Sounds like
[00:13:40] kind of my way.
[00:13:46] It was kind of creepy. Okay.
[00:13:58] Okay, let's start the interview from here. Okay. So what's your definition of virginity?
[00:14:04] virginity? Um,
[00:14:07] well,
[00:14:08] okay, I saw myself as a virgin until the first time. He wanted anything to me that involves being below my waist. Pretty much kissing, you know, that's whatever, anything that's sort of a net upper region. I don't you know, I was talking to myself a virgin had nothing of happened, by the way, so that's my that's my theory.
[00:14:31] So have you ever received any abusive behaviors?
[00:14:36] I'm probably mainly at school. Like it wasn't all that bad. It was more the explosion more than anything. Like I didn't get things yelled at me or thrown at me. Like, my story is definitely not as graphic as some other ones I've heard but I'm just things like walking into a classroom and hearing girls across the room going, Oh, look, there's that lesbian, like things like this more than anything else. Did you turn around say it percentage?
[00:15:03] Know, because I was too afraid that we're going to punch me. I just sort of sat down and change that wasn't happening and then led lunchtime, I would go and sit with my two friends and tell them about it not be like, don't worry about it.
[00:15:16] And then someone later told me that I should have just head on them because everybody freaked them out.
[00:15:21] At high school, they'll be like a lot more helpful.
[00:15:22] Like I just told you. Like,
[00:15:27] seriously, I should have done that looking back, but you know, I think I was too timid. I'm not now obviously. Okay. Well, thank you for that interview. That was that was faithful. Yes. Only
[00:15:40] 16 minutes. Wow.
[00:15:43] Thank you very much. Welcome.