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Jenna - Beyond Rainbows

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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride in the.com generous support from the real foundation. [00:00:07] I was born in South Oakland, I've grown up there all my life. It's been a pretty it's been okay, I guess, where's the good and the bears, but somehow, I think my community stigmatize. And the stereotypes of the bag corrupted. So yeah, it's time for me. [00:00:29] And I were you and your parents and your ancestors. [00:00:33] So actually, my mom is from Rotorua that she grew up in turkey dinner, and my dad is from China. [00:00:45] And he moved to New Zealand. I'm not sure when [00:00:50] I didn't get to know my grandparents because my dad said they live in China and my mom died before I was born. Man. So yeah, that was kind of bittersweet. I mean, it was kind of sad. Because like, I've always been jealous people who, like had that hope on a young girl, my grandma's this weekend, and my dad never had the opportunity to say that [00:01:16] extended family? [00:01:19] No, not really, to be honest, I'm not such a family oriented person. So my friend told me, my family, because in a way, I was kind of pushed to the back or kind of shunned path because of who I am. [00:01:37] And you always looked down upon and [00:01:41] actually just made me strive and motivated me to like, show them that. I was just like them, and I could do just what they could do and even better. So yeah, yeah. [00:01:53] What words do you use to describe your identity? [00:01:59] transit. I'm old transgender. And I grew up with the term black lady, because I'm telling. But for me, that doesn't really doesn't really help me because that's like a lady. And then it's more flamboyant and more drag. But I'm trying to load as a woman, so you're transgender, and transsexual [00:02:26] and how to do tell me about your journey discovering. [00:02:30] So I've always been more. I've never been a boy. And I didn't understand that. Why don't you just be a boy. But like, for me, that was never. And that was never the case. Because I never knew how to do that. Like, all I knew growing up was what I was doing, which was like, when my parents would bring out the toys. Like, always go for what the girls would go for. Like when I was at kindergarten, on be playing swords and pirates with the boys and Santa. I'd be dressing up in the girls. dresses. Eloqua. Right. So yeah. And my family, my mom, actually, when I was young, and growing up, she was in full swing. I was almost like she, she wanted me to be a girl. Like when I went to the shop, and I would grab girl stuff she would find with it. She'll say, oh, what about this? And when my dad found out because my parents split when I was born, he was like trying to tell her like, what are you doing to that boy, like, shouldn't be during that time. And, and she, she didn't care. She didn't care. It wasn't until I got older that she starters, noticing that no, it wasn't their computer, but I'm sure she'll send gay inch but no notes at the faces of the feminine, feminine. And I've got to persevere to the point where she ended up not accepting me. She was very ignorant to what I had to say. And she said, she was like, Oh, no, you can't be good because of you. Okay, you're going to hell. And I won't let you do that. Like, I'll tell you, my staff if I have to, like, I'm not gonna let myself go through that. And so it really did scare me. But I wasn't, I wasn't gonna live the life that I was living because I was unhappy. And I had no life. It was just all I knew. And I didn't want to try and step in a new person, because that just wasn't me. And, and so my way of coming out was by my school grades, because my parents both were dropouts. And they wanted all my siblings a job to answer the hope and the dreams received on my shoulders. And so I worked hard. And they my knowledge that challenged me yet. Well, if you keep up with your grades, you can do this instead. That's exactly what I did. And it she ended up getting more surprised because she noticed it wasn't a gay thing. Like it wasn't like, Oh, yeah, like boys. That was, yeah, like boys. And I'm a girl because I always wanted to be a woman. And yeah, I started hormones. And yeah, that's been. It seems like it's been a long I've lived a long time, but I'm only 17. So yeah. [00:05:26] When you were growing up, did it feel like people were trying to put these other labels? On? Yeah, [00:05:31] yeah. Yeah. And I really hated it. Because I knew the terms were generalized for gay men, not necessarily men who were wanting to be women. And that's why I hated it, like a really hated it. And when people are you gay, I'm like, No, I'm straight. Because I'm a girl. And I like boys. But people just never got it. And I really despise people who would use like Sega and host NC and, yeah, it was really depressing. And as a child, like, I just felt like, I was experiencing way too much shit for my age. Like, I was like, I'm primary in paper, like, all you forget stuff, like, what kind of seven year olds has to go through? Is that like, being depressed and share like, a life and that my mom told me like, well, you got to act that way. You're gonna have to be strong. Because Listen, the tagline doesn't for the faint habits. Yeah, so I had to learn how to stand my ground and use my mouth as my defense mechanism. And I did. [00:06:42] How did you figure out that, that you could be transmitted could take hormones. So [00:06:49] I came across. [00:06:52] I was watching TV, wanna and 2020 came on, and they're doing a special on transgender girls. And that was the first time that I had ever heard of was saying that I was like, Oh, my gosh, there's a word for this, like, four girls that were born in the wrong body. And yeah, it was really, it was, it was mind blowing. I just thought, Oh, my gosh, look at that girl. She's like a girl, like her grow her hair, and put on makeup and love the last that she wants to those. And yeah, and that was my first experience. And I told my mother, at the time show that honor those parents are fully following the children do that. Because all that's going to happen is she's gonna go to hell. But I didn't even hear that. I was just like, I totally want to be like that. That's what I am. I'm like, so embracing. I want to do that. I want to be like that. And yeah, I knew that it would take a lot of work, because because it was really hard to like I was young. So I had a lot of growing up to do but also research and stuff as well. So yeah. [00:08:03] What kind of reactions Did you get from other people? Like friends or [00:08:07] so like my parents and like, all my friends always knew. It was new, and never ever had a girlfriend and never kissed the girl. And never his boy mates, always hanging out with the girls. So when I actually did come out as not being gay, but trend, several like yeah, we knew all along like we knew you were a queen all along. Yeah, because when I had other gay friends, and they're like, Oh, yeah, he's pretty hot. And I yeah, when we go to when I grew up on like, we're like, a Texan skinny jeans and stuff. And when I grow up, I want my hair to my heads in a dress. And so yeah, it wasn't a big surprise. And I'm always been quiet. I've heard quite a popular school life. So yeah, that made it easier for me, because a lot of people accepted me for who I was, because not because of who I was, but because the right personality first and foremost. And they knew that they wouldn't see it changed. My it was the same person. [00:09:13] Where did you get support from? [00:09:15] Actually, when I was growing up, I didn't have [00:09:19] I didn't have anyone. I had to learn everything on my own. And it wasn't until I actually the journey to starting home and said, I ran into my school nurse and she had told me and I can see that you're, you're different. To the other cable is not a darling, I'm not a gay boy. I'm a girl. And she said mentioned that, right? I know what to do with you. And also oh my gosh, am I in trouble? And she's like, No, just going to get these two psychiatrists to consider you know, like, what, what's my mental sorry. [00:09:51] and ended up coming in there that [00:09:57] that there was a terminology for that was transgender, and I was totally with it. And I was cane. And I told my mother and she totally flipped she totally flipped change with it. Now what you want to be a woman like, what it mean, you want to be a woman I thought you were just gay. Like, you wouldn't be like those what those tiny thing on the corner and doesn't really upset me because it was like, I thought that I had come so far. And she had accepted me. But she had accepted me for being gay. Not necessarily a woman. And then I told her about hormones. And she was like, What are you gonna I'm having these strange of injecting my, my son with chemicals and you taking pills, like, and so I had to push hard. And I had to research. And I should prove to her that it would be okay, because my mother was very protective of me, because I was who I was. And so yes, I think all it was was her just being a mother. But I was determined to prove her wrong. And I did. And I ended up starting it off. Very, very heavy. How long have you been on? I've been on for 11 months now. It's actually been 13 months on testosterone blockers in 11 months on estrogen. And it's been really good, because I feel like, up until the point of me starting I felt like the pain of not being on it was just getting worse and worse. And I was just deciding it because I was developing more as a male and I just didn't want it. And so when I did extend it, and it's been a great journey, even though I've only been on for live months. And I've noticed some changes. And I just feel it just puts not only physical changes, but my mentality as put my mind at peace. That, yeah, I feel a lot more comfortable. And my skin [00:12:00] any other transfer into the trans community? [00:12:04] I do. I actually was a part of a big trends group in Oakland, but we fell apart because we realized that it was just creative differences, doesn't it? Isn't that right? But I do have a couple close friends now. And I came out, I came up before them. So then coming out with like, I made sure that I would say for them and I could feed them all the knowledge and most of my head. And yeah, it's great. It's so it's a sisterhood? I would I would say that because yeah, we're there for each other and we connect on a different level, then friends because they know what it feels like for me to work out every morning to have to put up with people's discrimination and stereotypes and stigma and how it feels to just build up the courage just to walk out the house. Yeah, so I definitely love ya love my trans girls. [00:13:08] Do you guys want to kind of discrimination [00:13:10] from people? And not necessarily. I think it's because I'm actually quite an intimidating person. Especially in school like normal step between so cuz. Yeah, like different semi gay. I don't even like it. So yeah, but I'm not here because I've earned my respect. Because I people just, there was just too much stereotypes over trans girls. I Oh, yeah. Who she's looking at me, she wants me and she wants everyone like, Hello, I had standards. And if people ended up seeing that I wasn't under their stereotypes. And I was just a normal person. And so I've been accepted and embraced. And what about the school and the teachers? Yeah. My school has embraced me as well as been. I've transitioned and schooling and registered under my preferred name now. And I wear the clothes uniform. So I'm really happy about that. My teachers as well as they've always been, like, accepting of me. So they adjusted just as well as I did some also happy about that as [00:14:21] well, you the first gentleman that you [00:14:25] know, it was there was one, there was one for me. But yeah. [00:14:32] Was it an easy process to get your name change? And where the uniform? Yeah, [00:14:35] yeah. Was it was those actually easier way easier than I thought it was just a later and the I didn't need permission to switch it from zero to say, Yeah, cool. [00:14:46] How do you feel that your culture intersects with the painting? Do you think you have it a different experience? To say? [00:14:58] Yeah, I do. Because every my coach I've been telling, they don't know, transgender as nothing to live as a woman, it's just for the last flight just to be more prerogative and to be over sexualized. And it's all about that. And what they do is they use almost as like, maids, like, they appreciate them, because they have the domestic skills of women, and the masculinity skills of men, so they can help out with whichever chores. But when they told me that, like, no, yeah. You know, for the ladies, or specifically, that's now my family. [00:15:43] And have you had any role models? [00:15:47] I have had a lot. And I won't name any of them. Because Yeah, that might be a good thing. But yeah, I've, I've had an MIT the impact, I've seen him and I've seen a journey, like followed the day transition. And it's really inspiring to see that. Because they quite they're way ahead of me. And so it's like, great to see the outcome of it. And like the struggle and the tears and spirit it's all worth and and yes, I'm definitely I definitely have role models. [00:16:22] In flex followed me set up step by step like online and via [00:16:25] on YouTube. So like watching them stop from being mean, and transitioning, been on hormones and recording transition videos and seeing, but it's almost like a Video Timeline. So it's great to see what that the process, because sometimes you don't notice it from yourself, but you can, if you put it into perspective and see it on other people, it's, it's great to see. [00:16:51] And so it ended up doing the center year and a half away. How did you find out about us? [00:16:59] So I heads I'm with a company. And [00:17:05] yeah, I found out through them, and actually the term at the top way. I've only recently heard about it, I thought it was a new thing, but coming here and learning that it's been around for years and years and years. So it's quite shocking. Because Yeah, cuz I never knew that. The motivation for it, but it's good that they have. They do have a great time here. [00:17:27] And did he hear about that for the first time? California? Hawaii? [00:17:31] Yeah, yeah. [00:17:32] Yeah. And how are you finding? [00:17:35] I'm loving it. It's great to see so much older, transforming here, and seeing the journeys. And I'm just like, wow, like, this journey? And they told me like, yeah, you know, just keep pushing, you'll get there. But it's great to see like, someone who's way older, like, because everyone where I come from, I don't see much girl setup. I'm older than me. They all around my age, and we're just sort of starting so you can champion seeing girls who are, you know, well established? It's just amazing. [00:18:08] And what do you think it will take away from? [00:18:11] I definitely think I'll have, I think I'll definitely be more comfortable in myself and more accepting of the fact that I am happy. And yeah, it's just like a lot of I'm just a lot of gratitude towards all the older girls who have paved the pathways for us, because some of the stories that it's heartbreaking hearing about how they were treated in the 80s. And I think do me thinking that we struggling, we actually have a really great compared to what David [00:18:45] said he feel like he said Tim text happily? [00:18:51] Yeah, I kind of do. It's [00:18:55] almost like [00:18:57] it is a Modi terminology, similar terminology, but I do because it covers like the whole spectrum. And it's not like it's not a label, like a labeled thing. It's like, whatever, like, yeah. [00:19:13] So you're talking about the some of the gentleman here kind of giving messages to you and what message for a gift other. [00:19:20] I would definitely say if you're struggling as you're still on your way to coming out and you're scared and you can't tell your parents, it takes time off, you haven't been accepted. It takes time. It definitely takes time. I know these girls out there that are hungry for it. And they just want it like that. They don't want to be women overnight, but it doesn't happen like that. It takes years of pushing and of hormones and hard work and yeah, but it definitely takes time yet you will you will not see the fix overnight. That's for sure. It's a it's a continuous journey. [00:19:53] And have you stayed so strong? [00:19:56] Right you actually, I don't know. It's just the motivation. You know, when I get really done stuff I really I realized why I'm doing that. And that's my fire. That's my that keeps me ignited to keep going. Yeah, because I don't want to see people I don't want people to see me for because that would give them happiness. And [00:20:22] where do you say you are at now in your journey and where do you want to? [00:20:27] I know I'm still a baby like I know I'm still a baby. But I do I'm kind of just doing what I do and hopefully getting a job in the future to make some money for some surgery someone and settling down and being well established my own home and stuff [00:20:48] and what kind of work or [00:20:51] I'm really into cosmetics I love makeup. I think it's it's at it is honestly an art form. It's not so one thing that's necessarily just generalized it all just to make me pretty or because I'm agree without it. It's a it's like you can do so much things that make up it's an endless Yeah, it's an endless thing that Yeah, that's great. [00:21:16] And what's your favorite thing about being [00:21:24] Christian? [00:21:26] I don't know. It's a fake. I think it's almost fake. Because we are different. Like and yeah, even though we are a minority. I think that's the beauty of it. Like you're, you know, some people see it as a burden, but I see it as a blessing. Like you're one in a million that has been, you know, like it's so special. Like, yeah, I feel special.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It is not a transcript, it has not been checked by humans and will contain many errors. However it is useful for searching on keywords and themes.