|At this time of year, sexual boundaries become fluid or even disappear altogether under the influence of copious amounts of booze. So, what's a gayboy to do when a 'straight' mate develops inverted commas around his accustomed sexual identity?
So far, it's happened to me twice, long before I settled down and got partnered.
Incident one involved a tramping trip, wherein Straight Mate 1 and I were sequestered in a trampers hut while it was raining overmuch outside. He overindulged and was rebounding from a messy breakup with a girlfriend. Added to which, he was heading off to start a new job in Berlin. After having a pleasant shower, I retired for the night, exhausted by the long tramp and draped only in a towel. Two hours or so later, Straight Mate 1 wobbled in, sat on my bunk and after some horseplay, off came the towel. After an appreciative anatomical remark and (...) ball handling (...), we proceeded to fool around for the next couple of days.
Incident two involved a raucous party. Straight Mate 2 took pity on me when my car wouldn't start and offered me a sofa for the night. He then noticed that the student sofa in question had seen better days and offered his bed. Generous soul that I was, I resolved to respect his boundaries and not be a naughty gayboy. An hour and a half later, I awoke to encounter an exploratory hand (his) in not so virginal territory (mine).
There's more than one interpretation that could account for these particular interactions. On the gay side, the participant may have had the hots for his straight mate all the while. He may want a relationship and get frustrated at a one night stand. He may be horny and only want a one-night stand. He may lack self-esteem and consent to being used by an opportunist horny straight guy.
On the 'straight' side of the ledger, the mate may be drunk as. He may have secretly wanted to jump his gay mate's bones all along. He may have been closeted bi-curious or gay and reasoned that he could trust you to make his first experience a good one. He may reason that it's a remote area or one-off and no-one need know.
Where does safe sex enter into the equation? If the gay partner isn't inebriated, or is less so than his 'straight' companion, then the subject of condoms should be raised and placed on raised appendages if the situation warrants it. If you want to be a good host to a 'tourist' from straight territory, then show him that there are certain laws related to the lay (...) of the land in gaydom, and this is one of them. Actually, if he's inebriated and you're not, and you're more experienced in the ways of men (...), then you have a distinct discursive advantage in that regard.
So, if you experience unexpected border crossings this festive season, then always come prepared and play safe. Craig Young - 18th December 2009