Article Title:Being GAY or BISEXUAL
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Published on:31st July 2006 - 04:48 pm
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Story ID:4707
Text:There is no RIGHT or WRONG way to be a sexual or emotional person - we all have to find our own way of expressing ourselves. As we grow up we are all expected to be attracted to people of the opposite sex. We are taught that we will most likely fall in love and get married. For a lot of us this is not what happens. We realise that we may be gay or bisexual. Gay means someone who is largely or entirely attracted to the same sex. There are also heaps of people attracted to both sexes who are bisexual. Our sexuality is an important part of us all. There are lots of ways for us to express our love or attraction for another person and, as long as nobody gets hurt, they are all of equal worth. It's what's good for you that matters. Getting Started For a lot of young people understanding their sexuality and finding ways to express it is hard. It can be doubly hard for young gay and bisexual guys especially when we are living at home or going to school. There are lots of things about NZ society that make it hard for young gays and bisexuals to feel good about themselves and to meet each other. Some people put us down for our attraction to other guys but this "homophobia" comes from their ignorance and fear of people who are different. It's not justified and it isn't your problem - it's theirs. Some of us feel we're the only ones. But things are changing. In most large cities there are gay or mixed (gay or straight) social places such as nightclubs, etc. Many areas also have a gay youth group (see our Business and Organisations Listings). Telling Others If you decide to tell other people about your sexuality, it is important for you to work out how they might react. Only tell the people you want to know, and only when you are ready to tell them. The best time to tell someone is when both you and they are getting along. It is really important for you to be clear in yourself about how you feel and what you want to say about your sexuality. Some people may try to put you down at first, but you've got to remember that it's OK to be gay or bisexual. Most people now believe that we should not be treated differently because of our sexuality. You may be surprised at how many people are supportive of gays and bisexuals. A good idea is to come along to a gay youth group where you will be able to meet other young gay and bisexual guys. Such groups are good places to relax and enjoy being yourself. Relationships There are lots of gay and bisexual guys in really good relationships with other guys. But life is not always like TV when it comes to falling in love. You are not likely to find the right person for a relationship the first time around. When relationships end you could really feel down. But your ideal relationship won't just "happen", it takes work. Most guys would like to be in a relationship, but there's nothing wrong with being single either. When a relationship happens you can feel vulnerable, but remember there are no fixed rules and each relationship has it's own character. Talk to each other about feelings. If guys are open about how they feel there's no reason why gay relationships won't work. Getting it On Having sex can be a lot of fun as well as being exciting. It can also be scary if you are not sure what's going to happen. No one has the right to do anything with you unless you are sure you want them to. If you have any doubts, or don't feel comfortable, remember it is your right to stop what's going on at any time. Being pressured into sex you don't want is not the way to enjoy yourself. It's important for you to know how to stop AIDS. Some people have pretty boring ideas about what is sex. There is more than one way to have sex, and there are heaps more things to do than just fuck (anal or vaginal intercourse) - sucking, licking, kissing and wanking are great ways to have fun sex. Whether you are straight, gay or bisexual, it's important for you to know how to stop AIDS. It's safest not to fuck, but if you want to fuck, a condom with a water-based lubricant is your only protection against AIDS. Condoms used properly stop AIDS and a whole range of other sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) How to use a condom Don't unroll before using Squeeze air out of the tip, then roll it on Use heaps of water based lubricant (e.g. KY, Sylke, or Wetstuff - not spit or oil based lubricant or vaseline) Hold onto condom when pulling out Remember IT'S HEALTHY AND GOOD TO BE GAY OR BISEXUAL You have the same right to love as everyone else. There are heaps of guys who feel the same way as you, and coming along to a gay youth group is a great way to meet them. Other people might have trouble understanding how you feel, but that's not your fault. If you are going to have sex make sure it's safe! Contacts: GAYLINE Gayline is a confidential listening, support and information service run by gay men. They can also put you in touch with your local youth group. See's Support listings for your local area Support and/or Information group. THE AIDS HOTLINE - 0800-802-437 The AIDS hotline is a totally confidential information line that is there to answer any questions you may have. This is a 24 hour toll-free service. Or, you may wish to contact your local office of the New Zealand AIDS Foundation. Your local branch of Family Planning or Youthline are good people to talk to if none of the above services are available to you. - 31st July 2006
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