Article Title:Ask Our Expert: the first time
Category:Ask Our Expert
Author or Credit:Get It On!
Published on:25th June 2012 - 11:28 am
Internet Archive link:
NDHA link:
Note that the National Library of New Zealand (NDHA) website uses both cookies and frames. The first time you click on a link it first may take you to the archived front page of Close the window and try again. This is because the NDHA website uses cookies and you cannot access an indiviual page without visiting the front page first
Story ID:11918
Text:A reader has asked: “I’m ready to try having sex with a guy for the first time, but TBH I don’t really know what to expect or what to do. I’m scared it will hurt or it will be embarrassing and I don’t want my first time to be a bad experience. Help?” We’ve turned to our all-knowing friends at Get It On! for sex advice for this first-timer. Here's what they have to say: Confidence Pornographic magazines and videos are often the major source of information about sex for men who have sex with other men. They generally portray man to man sex in a very unrealistic and unsafe manner. This can lead to concerns about what is ‘normal sex’ for men who love men. As a result, many of us put up with pain and discomfort and feel a loss of control of what happens when they have sex with another man. Knowing what’s happening and feeling that you can control what you do will make you more confident and will make your sex much better and waaay more fun. Sex is a natural human drive – we all have it – and as part of intimacy it’s one of life’s great joys. All humans need to be touched. It’s a biological need. Touching and making love are as natural as breathing. They are not something to be ashamed about. When safe sex guidelines are followed, sex can be even more satisfying. Top or Bottom? Most guys who are into anal sex like to fuck and be fucked. Others prefer one role or another – insertive or receptive: top or bottom; dominant and submissive. Whatever the situation, talk about it. Stay in control. Remember that you’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to. Right, now what?! First thing is to ensure you know how to put a condom on properly, and if you think you know, it can't hurt to have a quick look and make sure. Click the pic below to see how. The keys to safe sex are trust and confidence – trust in your partner and confidence in the effectiveness of safe sex. If you’re being fucked for the first time it’s very important that you’re relaxed. Foreplay is important. It isn’t a race, so take your time. Take it easy – and slowly. Foreplay includes the entire body – not just the dick and balls – and getting turned on is gradual, not instant, especially before penetration. Some guys like to douche before they get down to business, check out guide here The most comfortable and emotionally safe positions to start with are those in which the person being fucked has maximum control. Lying side by side is a good position to start with – or sitting on his cock, gradually lowering yourself onto it at your own pace. When the arsehole is relaxed (e.g. as after the fingering technique) apply lots of water-based lube to both the anus and condom-covered cock. While he’s pushing his cock in, take it easy – especially at first- and slowly. The anal opening is usually quite elastic and with patience will stretch comfortably. However, forced entry – ‘pushing past the pain’ which is often shown in porn – can cause bleeding and tear your sphincter muscles. The first few times you fuck it may take 20 minutes or more – and several attempts – before your anus starts to relax and gets used to the feeling of a cock inside it. If your partner is having trouble getting his cock in, push out slightly as he enters you. It will make it easier. At first, pressure on the prostate gland might make you feel as though you want to urinate (piss). Also, when you are first fucked, it often feels uncomfortable afterwards and you might feel like sitting on the toilet for a while. These sensations are mostly an illusion. Your body got the message that your arse felt full and reacted accordingly. In time your body will adapt and learn to separate these sensations from the real ones. What makes being fucked pleasurable for men is the penis pushing against the prostate. Pressure is least intense in the side by side position or with the person being fucked lying face down. It’s most intense when the man being fucked has his legs up over his head. It is important to remember that fucking without a condom but pulling out before you come is NOT safe. Your pre-cum can carry HIV or other STIs and the virus can enter the end of your cock from contact with infected membranes in the arse. Always uses lots of lube and a strong condom. You can get condoms    Get It On! - 25th June 2012
Disclaimer:This page displays a version of the article with all formatting and images removed. It was harvested automatically and some text content may not have been fully captured correctly: access this content at your own risk. A copy of the full article is available (off-line) at the Lesbian and Gay Archives of New Zealand. This online version is provided for personal research and review and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of If you have queries or concerns about this article please email us
Reproduction note:Just before closed in May 2017, the website owners wrote this article about reproducing content from the website: "our work has always been available for glbti people to use and all we ask is that you not plagiarise it... if you use it anywhere please attribute it to and where there is an authors name attached please acknowledge that writer."