Paki - South

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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride in with generous support from the rule foundation. [00:00:07] I [00:00:09] identify as, as gender fluid at the moment. And the past I he's trying to define as a gay man. But I find that gender fluid describes me Phaedra at this time in my life [00:00:32] kind of doesn't tie me down to one. [00:00:36] One label. [00:00:39] At first, when I first heard about chain Floyd, that [00:00:47] it was just kind of like a, like a good idea, you know, something that [00:00:54] I thought made sense, someone [00:00:59] someone's life can change. [00:01:04] And that's kind of the word to describe them between time. Well, that's even possible. Someone's sexual identity, to change. And [00:01:20] yeah, I think [00:01:23] Jennifer describes, describes it well. How would [00:01:26] you describe it to someone who doesn't understand. [00:01:31] I would say that [00:01:34] someone that Jennifer describes a person that is [00:01:42] either gay or [00:01:44] straight, and they were something else. I think [00:01:53] it means that [00:01:57] sexuality and gender identity is it's a fluid [00:02:02] and changing thing. [00:02:08] Someone isn't [00:02:10] necessarily [00:02:13] a straight man for their entire life that they can change. [00:02:20] And TDUMD say that I didn't see much kind of in life, like, you know, many people who identify as gender fluid or any [00:02:33] role models or anything like that. [00:02:39] I've I've never met anyone that's identified as gender fluid. [00:02:44] or not, I don't know if [00:02:49] I've seen people change their sexual identity from a lesbian to stripe on. [00:02:58] And [00:03:02] thanks for men from Australia, UK. [00:03:08] I know I, I haven't seen it. [00:03:11] seen it in Anyone else? [00:03:17] Do you see that? That sexuality change from say straight to gay? Is that quite different to gender? gender fluid? Oh, [00:03:26] boy, they kind of wrapped up in each other. [00:03:30] I think that I think that there. [00:03:33] I think that they're very similar. [00:03:40] That it's [00:03:42] the transition, that's the hottest, all most confusing part of path. And I think it's can be quite difficult to come to terms with that. And, and then your, your life from Once you accept that by yourself, it's, it's going to change. [00:04:06] I think that's a difficult thing to come to terms with. [00:04:11] But I [00:04:13] think the challenges that face them can be quite different. [00:04:20] I think that [00:04:22] that transition from straight [00:04:23] to gay [00:04:28] it's kind of [00:04:32] it's really quite quite common almost to compare to [00:04:41] people that [00:04:43] identifies [00:04:45] male and and then as a female [00:04:50] that transitions [00:04:56] sumption, [00:05:00] widely documented. [00:05:07] But I think, and for that reason, that there's still a lot of [00:05:14] confusion around it. [00:05:17] And [00:05:23] a lot of fear, I think it's as a society to, to accept that. [00:05:29] For a lot of people. [00:05:32] When did you first become aware of your [00:05:36] sexuality when you were identifying? [00:05:40] I think it was, [00:05:43] has always been sort of [00:05:48] growing thought in the back of my mind. [00:05:56] And I think that coming out with K hit, big part to play in. [00:06:04] And my, [00:06:08] my identifying [00:06:12] I did find [00:06:13] myself really. [00:06:20] But I found that once I accepted that [00:06:25] I was interested in men, but [00:06:30] once I stick to that, and myself, sort of [00:06:37] I've made it think about the questions and [00:06:42] the questions that I have about myself. When it's [00:06:54] difficult to say, since it is kind of [00:07:00] gradual thing, [00:07:05] maybe a year ago, [00:07:10] or even Santa [00:07:15] wake up and feel like this. [00:07:21] been very open about it. What kind of grief since [00:07:27] I haven't really been [00:07:30] terribly open about it. It's something that I often try to avoid in conversations. But I find that people don't often realize that. [00:07:46] But I think [00:07:48] a lot of people sort of get that about me just by taking one look. [00:07:55] I look. [00:07:57] Alright, androgynous. [00:08:04] Yeah, so I don't think I really need to bring it up much. [00:08:10] That people [00:08:13] generally just take it at face value for whatever it is [00:08:19] a window you [00:08:21] come out as, as a gay male, like, what was that, like when you begin? That was [00:08:30] quite a frightening experience. [00:08:37] I found that a lot of [00:08:41] the bullying that I [00:08:44] had received before I came out, I just just stopped once that happened. [00:08:50] And I became a lot more confident in myself. [00:08:58] And I and I just didn't have [00:09:01] like this burden on my shoulders anymore that [00:09:06] in that kind of [00:09:08] constant nagging thought that [00:09:12] you have when you're still in the closet, but don't want to come out. It's almost all you can think about. What [00:09:19] was school like for you? [00:09:25] Before I came out around, [00:09:28] I came out when I was about [00:09:31] 16 [00:09:35] it was pretty difficult because I [00:09:39] I suppose I've always been quite camp in my mannerisms. And my, from a [00:09:46] young age, I think. [00:09:49] And [00:09:52] people, people saw that. And sorry, it's [00:09:57] something different from an element I just [00:10:02] picked on me because of that. [00:10:06] And yeah, just quite [00:10:13] quickly came to the conclusion that I was gay. [00:10:18] Even before I really identify to set myself [00:10:22] and yeah, it's pretty [00:10:25] tremendous it I think it's cool. Yeah, what's an [00:10:32] awesome lot of fun? [00:10:34] Did you find the stuff and staff supported? They can intervene in anything? [00:10:42] No, No, I didn't. [00:10:45] Kind of the bullying. [00:10:48] IY Yeah, [00:10:50] no, it didn't happen during class times and things. But I found that a lot of teachers and adults just ignored it. [00:11:02] I don't remember getting any intervention from from a [00:11:07] teacher. [00:11:09] Yeah, any support from him? [00:11:14] Yeah, was kind of sad. [00:11:18] How did you cope with that? bullying and kind of move past that? [00:11:24] I really just came out, I think was the solution to everything turned out in the end. Yeah, once I came out, I, I couldn't really young people couldn't really yell at me from a call from the hallway says. [00:11:46] I mean, I was. [00:11:50] Yeah, after that, and I just kind of found it and [00:11:57] falling just stops. [00:12:01] Yeah, I just continue living as a gay man. [00:12:05] If you hit any other challenges that you face, because of you kind of queer identity, [00:12:13] maybe just [00:12:16] probably just kind of social [00:12:19] challenge challenges. [00:12:24] anxiety around social situations is a pretty [00:12:28] constant thing. [00:12:36] Yeah, just [00:12:38] kind of walking into a room and [00:12:41] not not knowing if the people in the room will accept me for, for who I am, or be angry, because you know, I don't really have much proof to for this anxiety. I am not often [00:13:02] approached and [00:13:06] abused or anything. [00:13:10] But the fears is still there. [00:13:17] And I think that's something that I'm [00:13:22] working through now. [00:13:25] Have you found any spaces that have [00:13:30] you haven't had to feel that anxious and have been able to just kind of be here? [00:13:37] Yeah. When I around the around the time I came out I was had a lot of support from Keith [00:13:50] and [00:13:53] I went to their meetings every week and and I was Yeah, I felt completely safe and comfortable. Just be myself and and enjoy that. [00:14:11] Yeah, and the hallways as well that [00:14:15] that was key. And [00:14:19] once I I attended [00:14:21] not places [00:14:24] with the same bracket just [00:14:27] be myself. And [00:14:32] yeah, not that I have to worry about. Yeah. [00:14:40] about others accepting me because [00:14:44] I just failed dead. Yeah. [00:14:50] Can you tell me a bit more about [00:14:53] who he even to? [00:14:59] Today, where usually over a weekend [00:15:06] and [00:15:09] during the Hawaii [00:15:13] they were often [00:15:15] different workshops. About all different kinds of stuff about coming out. [00:15:23] And being gay to [00:15:29] spirituality and [00:15:33] everything in between [00:15:36] where people could just talk about their experience and [00:15:42] and a safe place and I think it [00:15:46] I think it made the whole experience [00:15:51] quite moving. And [00:15:57] yeah, quiet personal experience for everyone. [00:16:02] Yeah, they were the highlights. I think my involvement in key guys. [00:16:09] What do you think those faces give to people always at some point? [00:16:16] I think it's [00:16:19] I think it's an important because [00:16:23] I think it's just important to show people [00:16:28] what it's like to just be yourself and [00:16:36] and how much fun that your life can be. [00:16:42] And if [00:16:47] if the feelings and [00:16:49] and like the general acceptance that [00:16:54] that always at least hallways was an everyday life [00:17:01] would make for such a beautiful world. [00:17:07] And [00:17:09] I think a lot of problems then and society [00:17:15] in general would would stop. [00:17:19] What is it like being a Korean person living in Nelson? Do you think it's different here than it would be other parts of the country? [00:17:28] Yeah. [00:17:31] Since [00:17:34] Nelson is quite small, [00:17:40] presents its own challenges, I guess. And [00:17:45] since the [00:17:47] there isn't a very big gay community, Nelson. I mean, it's just it's just difficult because, I mean, walking down the street, you [00:17:58] can't see anyone that's it's obviously [00:18:03] different, you know. [00:18:10] Yeah, and I can make it seem quite [00:18:15] isolating [00:18:23] reactions from people on the street are probably made because of being visibly quick. [00:18:31] Yeah. [00:18:34] I mean, I think a lot of other people, I mean, a lot of people would [00:18:41] kind of overlook me sometimes. [00:18:45] Maybe it's just being a woman. [00:18:49] But I find that [00:18:52] when I first met someone [00:19:01] during our, you know, conversation to get to know each other. I just kind of see a question, you know, in their eyes that they they are like holding back. And it's generally comes out with a drunk. [00:19:22] And when I when I meet drunk people for the first time, they'll just kind of say, Are you a boy or girl? [00:19:28] And I [00:19:30] I am always firstly amused at the bluntness of that. [00:19:37] But I've always [00:19:39] taken a second to reply. [00:19:43] Often I would just say that I'm a boy. But [00:19:52] not because I look like one [00:19:56] just [00:19:59] because I am the genitals fun. [00:20:07] And then often, again with drunk people, the next question would be do I want to be a girl but I don't know if if I do. I don't know if [00:20:23] the first thing that comes to mind is [00:20:25] having a sex change. [00:20:31] And [00:20:33] I don't think at least not now in my life that I would be strong enough to go through that. [00:20:43] But I mean, [00:20:45] do I wish that I was blown ago [00:20:49] probably. [00:20:52] Yeah, I would. [00:20:56] But does that mean that [00:21:00] I should go through the process of changing my body that I'm that I wasn't born a girl to change it into one artificially. [00:21:14] You know, would it be the same or [00:21:18] what I still think of myself [00:21:24] as something different [00:21:29] Do you think kind of see around you that there are different [00:21:36] different ways because I guess [00:21:38] in the past we've been taught the only way to kind of change your gender is to notice like this really kind of black and white way we change you see some change your body, take hormones, etc, etc. around you that there are different ways now to be [00:21:55] transformed. [00:21:55] Transue. 49. [00:22:02] No, I, I can't say that I really have looked into it a lot. [00:22:10] And I think a lot of that [00:22:14] stuff surrounding this is [00:22:18] widely known, you know, something you have to research and, and find out. But now as far as my education on the subject goes, I can't say I punch. Yeah, I think at the moment, I'm just [00:22:41] coming to terms with what I am now. [00:22:49] And what that is. [00:22:52] Do you know where you did? Live? What you do know about thing? [00:23:00] Suppose [00:23:04] Well, I know I've just like from experience in a lot of ways. [00:23:15] Yeah, I can't I can't say that. There's much to know about being gay. And you know, unless you just live it yourself if that's your life. But I suppose the same can be said about being transgender. Yeah. [00:23:40] Do you think the media has had much influence on YouTube? [00:23:47] Well, I mean, like, like everyone I I think it has I can't say I identify you know, hopefully with any any person I've seen in the media [00:24:15] and in some ways with [00:24:19] with some [00:24:26] kind of certain characters, identities or like stereotypes that you say a lot of acquitted [00:24:33] of queer people, probably the most common would be [00:24:39] promiscuous, gay man. is often [00:24:44] the depiction of gay man. Yeah. [00:24:50] And the same actually about please bands. Is that Yeah. [00:24:59] Someone [00:25:00] anxious and stressed and sex. But I suppose that's just going to add to the plot of any story. Really? [00:25:11] Do you see? [00:25:13] Any I think he's lacking of kind of storyline? [00:25:19] I think [00:25:24] that transgender people [00:25:27] daily huddle, represented in media, [00:25:30] you know, nice to anything else saying? [00:25:35] Yes, I think this [00:25:38] kind of thing only fades for [00:25:41] your confusion around. Yeah. [00:25:50] Do you think of some of the challenges facing New Zealand to the moment? [00:25:58] I think, just discrimination. [00:26:03] That's the biggest challenge. [00:26:06] Anyone can face coming out? [00:26:12] And it's, it's a big challenge. And [00:26:22] I can't say that. [00:26:25] I've danced to it. You know? [00:26:28] That's, that's my challenge at the moment. [00:26:33] And it's a challenge that I have to live with. [00:26:45] him, I suppose it's at that [00:26:50] moment, I get pretty sad thought but [00:26:56] I think it makes makes for stronger people. [00:27:01] You know, if there's more people out there questioning who you are. And that just means that you have to be more certain than yourself about that. [00:27:10] About what kind of person you are. [00:27:16] But then I think part of it just has to be ignored. [00:27:22] That is important to [00:27:26] know who you are, but then [00:27:31] you shouldn't let the [00:27:34] discrimination and society define that. [00:27:40] The questions [00:27:46] become your own. Why [00:27:51] do you think things are changing? Where do you see [00:27:55] pretty soon? In 2015 is like what do you think will be interesting? Yeah. [00:28:04] Yeah, it's definitely changing. [00:28:09] There's [00:28:11] this, this growing acceptance [00:28:17] about [00:28:22] queer people in general. [00:28:26] We don't see you say London, [00:28:30] and 50 years. [00:28:35] I think it'll be something [00:28:38] completely different from from today. I think we would barely recognize ourselves. [00:28:50] Yeah, and I think for you follow this path that we're on now. that [00:28:57] it'll be a lot less of a challenge. [00:29:05] And for people to, to come out as, as gay or lesbian and, and for people to identify as a woman when they were born a man. I think. [00:29:23] I hope that there'll be [00:29:28] more acceptance. [00:29:31] I need to finish up. What's your favorite thing about being a young my favorite [00:29:43] thing would be [00:29:48] being an alternative, young, queer person in New Zealand. [00:29:55] Enjoy being different, and [00:29:58] I think [00:30:01] that's what makes you special.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.