Jennifer - South

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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride and calm with their support from the rule foundation. [00:00:07] How would you describe your identity [00:00:10] identifies as a fan? Yeah. [00:00:16] Do you see yourself fitting into any kind of like stereotypes or like labels within the listening community? I suppose [00:00:23] we have all sort of sub categories of sort of Sofia and probably a feminine these being. Right. Yeah. But it's not really like anything I particularly identify so strongly with it, I need to feel I need to stick with it anything. [00:00:38] Do you think the language that we used to talk about six rotation and Windows change? But sometime? [00:00:44] Yeah, I think, I think I think it's, [00:00:49] I for me, for me, when I first sort of discovered stuff about the LGBT community, and stuff them to learn more and more about this, their diversity in it. And people have got more and more confident using different terms of like identifying themselves as something that they feel comfortable with, rather than trying to force themselves into a label that already existed. And I think hopefully, they'll just keep continuing. So identifies Elise PM, which is kind of like a sort of an older label. But I recognize that there are a lot of people who don't, who wouldn't really fit that category, but like kind of words. [00:01:27] And when did you first become aware of your experimentation? [00:01:31] When else 14, I was at a dancing class. And I some reason that night, I just kind of clicked and I'm like, Oh, my gosh. And I and I cried, I was really sad. And we didn't know it was all wrong. And it's you don't think I'm gay? And she's like, She's like, okay, don't worry. And then the next day, I was absolutely horrified that I didn't think anyone could take some of the screen as well. It took me about an intern really good. That was, like 1617 didn't start actually actively being like, Oh, this is something I can actually ignore anymore. Yeah. [00:02:11] What do you think happens that like night when this kind of, [00:02:14] I actually can't quite remember what it was it sent me off? I suspect it was like, Oh, no, no, he I can't quite remember what happened. That made me [00:02:26] that made me like, I still remember. So like. [00:02:30] That was really quick. And I was really scared, I think was the night before that I had never identified with the LGBT community, and you have the LGBT community and so forth, and totally unaware. And I knew I knew some of the language and stuff like that. It would be more confusing if I didn't know any of that. But I'm here to try with us. [00:02:51] Yeah. And had it been something you've been like thinking about [00:02:56] previously today. Christian, black, Christian and non No, no, literally, like, one guy was like, I just had never occurred to me before. Yeah, that and then looking back further. I can see that made sense like itself, it was always like, just everything was already there. But it just never clicked. Yeah. [00:03:17] What messages Do you remember? Or like, what did you know? I didn't [00:03:21] know very much. I didn't know very much. I remember OYA winter quite a liberal school like so even was a code Muffy like, pretty, reasonably well off school in 70, Roma's? Yeah, so I didn't know a lot about the community, but I didn't like bad things about it. I just knew it was kind of different. And I think that was the main that that scared me as I really want to be different. Because you know, you don't really want to be different at 14 [00:03:48] at all, if you can avoid it. [00:03:52] And that's after you told your mom and your friend that you did, you did really close it again for for us what happened kind of from that. I just [00:04:01] think I just try [00:04:02] not to think about it too much. And I just didn't put much like time into I think I just start really remember thinking about a lot, [00:04:10] sort of like gear, lemon, [00:04:12] and [00:04:14] stuff, but But during that year, actually though, I had a huge crush on a girl who's two years older than me, I didn't even I didn't recognize it as a crush either. I just learned to sleep. She was a really, really cool person. and stuff. And like when I started clicking the next year, I was like, Oh, that's what that was. And it made a lot more sense to me. But no, I didn't really think about it for years. And I've managed to do quite successfully ignore it. And then I could then go to 12 minutes late. I couldn't really anymore. What was open. I went to a party with my friend. And I realized I would rather kiss her that any Alex any other guys in the room. And I was like, then maybe caught up to the game back. And I was like, Okay, I have to stop to I don't know, I feel like felt kind of alone, I think so I can start coming trying to come. That's really important to me. So not feel isolated. [00:05:03] How have you connected? [00:05:06] The first thing I did was I joined a website called queer attitude, which is kind of I think, I think it might be UK based, but has a lot of American Americans on it hit some New Zealanders and Australians on it, too. It was a circle you it's quite a youth based one had lots of talking about lots of different things I never thought about and coming out and all that sort of stuff. So it was quite nice to have. And it's quite well moderated website. So it's quite a safe space, it still was quite a safe space, because it's really well looked after, and have to go quite a lot of effort to be properly included into it. So people who like want to troll or whatever, just can't really. [00:05:45] And so [00:05:46] yeah, I was on a website for probably a year and a bit. And that really helped me a lot least feel connected and stuff. So the internet became really important to me, that was mainly how I connected for quite a long time. And I even like I when I started trying to get to a couple of the youth groups as a schools like group of schools out and Wellington and I went to a couple of them. But it was quite hard for me to do like time wise. So it's quite busy. And also, I just still felt like I didn't really click with anyone. So I was like, socially reliant on having that connection through the internet. And any maybe I could find and all that sort of stuff was probably what was the main but through high school? Yeah, yeah. [00:06:29] And what was it like kind of transitioning to university, [00:06:34] it was better, it was much better. I came at it, the [00:06:40] sort of I came at Saturn coming up, it's like bisexual at the beginning of your 12. So that's kind of how I began to identify myself. So I sort of thing I was comfortable with the light. But thinking about anything more beyond that, there is a concept. But they sort of playing against me by the end of the year, and I cannot at least we're getting a visa Tang and which was pretty good. Like really, really, really terrifying for me, remember being absolutely terrifying. But people were really great generally. And so. And so that was fine. So when I came to university, I made sure within about two or three weeks of mini everybody I've come up I came out to sort of the friends I've made. And it was so it was all it was always there. So it wouldn't become a thing I'd leave this keeping a secret because [00:07:28] secret sound very fun to Keith. [00:07:30] And I make sure I connect with you DQ really, really early on. [00:07:35] So that was really cool for meeting to meet some people and to like, if so, like had to actively try and move be a member of the community. It always requires effort I think I don't know if that will either quite go away. It's you always have to kind of actively be part of a community and actively make an effort to go to things and to try and meet people and to talk to the answer. Which is Yeah, which is hot. Totally worth it but but hot and stuff like that, especially had first year last year I got last year a lot easier, except maybe made some friends and stuff and, and had more people to go to things with this year, I didn't really have to go to any of the events with which was. So sometimes I go by myself, which was a bit hard. [00:08:13] Yeah. And why is it so important to to connect to be part of that community? [00:08:20] I don't really I feeling isolated. I think that feeling like your worldview is weird, or that you're under this, something's wrong. I think that's feeling like something's wrong can come from it when you're surrounded by people who don't think it all like you do or don't understand the sort of community and culture you really, I think, I think both because you identify with like you are, there's a like racial culture and all that sort of stuff. And you know, being open and students and all that sort of stuff. And you've felt comfort with those. But you know, with people dating and people liking this person, this person if you're not, if you don't get to connect with anyone, it can feel really lonely. And that can be really, that's really hot. So it's really important to me tonight, to make sure I feel like I'm normal because I am so [00:09:06] and have you experienced any like homophobia school University. [00:09:13] There wasn't too much at my high school actually. [00:09:21] People are generally pretty, pretty amazing, which is pretty good. Because still a quite a big problem in New Zealand hospitals generally. And depending on where you are, it gets progressively worse. [00:09:33] So my friends, but Oh, really great. [00:09:36] And I felt really, they made me feel quite safe, actually. Because I knew if anyone had said anything to me that they would have they would have a garden in my high school it was quite the people who are homophobic were the ones who got taste. It wasn't it wasn't the people who are gay. Because I mean, by the time he came over, there's a guy who was a bit I think, I don't know, he must have seen something to someone something no just teasing him for for pigskin of KP for what's wrong with you? Something was was just quite funny. And I do remember there was a, there's a guy at my school who came up towards to one of his best friends towards the interview through 10 or something like that. And she, she came from a really religious background and think I realized how religious she was religious of a background she was from and she ended up taking over to have some new parents like it's been like a two hours like lecturing in him on how it was sin and all this crap and stuff, which was probably quite traumatizing for him. But, but people start talking to her after that, because it was an issue. I think the church members actually kicked him after that. And I moved to Australia. I didn't go download off the robot, there were people around, I did manage to avoid them quite quite well. [00:10:54] And I had at first beginning it was a guy who hung out with my friend group, [00:10:59] who was sometimes I stuff was inappropriate. By By that time, I was kind of confident enough to be like, No, I don't like I don't want to hear that. And it's that's quite offensive thing to say to me. And he didn't actually pay did he end up apologizing to me for that. But you know, I think it's maybe he came from up in Oakland, and from like, sort of one of the more posh schools. And I think he may be thought it was his right to sort of, say some of the inappropriate stuff. He said to me and realize that sometimes people aren't quite as perceptive as they thought they might be. Yeah, mainly, it's mainly it's pretty good. I think it's a sort of the underlying, not direct homophobia, but like people are feeling sort of quite at a place of feeling that you can be affectionate with like someone you're with in public, because you still get steering and they're definitely had quite a bit incident a few weeks ago, and Tim Burton talked again, where I said kissing the home I was the guards with and I've got like the worst reaction from everyone around us. It was awful. And people the guy from actually said, really inappropriate things and stuff and attempt to go away and do something photos and video, which which was really, really awful me to leave. And it was just so incredibly uncomfortable. It's probably the worst thing that's happened because usually it's usually I go to a clear event and that would be where I was with someone. And it's a site that such as like space, in the only people are going to interrupt you are going to be guy guys flying you look adorable, which is hilarious. Rather than awful. So [00:12:40] and the noticed a change, like moving from Wellington to Jamaican? Do you think it's like harder in the South Island for people to be as clear? [00:12:50] As I think, I think, overall, not so bad underneath? I don't think it's terrible. I mean, it's such a huge student population, younger people generally are a lot better. Like they don't really most younger people don't really have a big problem with it. Or if they do they not so appropriate for them to say it's just when people get drunk, like guys get drunk, and I don't think they don't think about what they don't think. And, yeah, but this definitely people who come from sort of more than deep south for more rural areas find it a lot harder, I think it's definitely more isolating being there. And there's a lot more of the health stereotypes and all that sort of stuff. And there's a lot more than phobia around like, and it can be quite daunting, I think in some places to [00:13:39] be quite dangerous. I feel quite bad things about [00:13:40] the cargo, and how unsafe people feel there, which is really sad. So it's definitely good to hear it like Indonesia, and then it is there. And it's been Wellington, it's pretty, it's pretty good, too good. So and I have this list places to go into meeting. I think these lifts these spaces that just caught like exist all the time. And whereas in Millington because there's more people that have like gave us my cable, it's open every night and stuff so you can always have somewhere to go. They had been really briefly and tonight and but don't last long. [00:14:18] What do you think about the way current trends people represented in the media, [00:14:23] and media meaning news, books, movies, TV shows, [00:14:29] I think it's got a lot better. But there's a long way to go. I think current trends because, like seriously underrepresented but the amount of people that are in these are serious like difference and the number of people that you actually see in the media. So like I watch a lot of queer media and I because I counted out, because it's really important to me to say that it's tough and I really enjoy seeing shows that especially ones that don't really well. But you can't find it, you have to go find it and it should just be there a little bit time. And people boys make arguments about their you can't have this many gay people on a team showing you like well get with this many gay people around us, like who's to say what's right and wrong? And, yeah, so I think it's under under representation. There's also some of this, that stereotyping that that needs to be broken down more and more like TV shows, like the fosters, which have to release be mothers and stuff. But it's not a show about the being truly spiritual. It's not the show, and they're both fantastic characters, and themselves. And it's about the family. It's not about they not stereotype people at all, on that show stereotypes. So it's it's quite refreshing to watch something it's just part of living, rather than being like this focus about, although, like defining feature of someone's character. Yeah, like, that's where it gets really like you get really overstate like the one thing that's about them, they're like bet listening and character. Okay, take a guy like this. No, that's not how people feel. And when I feel like that's the defining aspect, I mean, it is it is partially, it can be partially what defines big board, it can be an important part of it today, but it's not the one thing. And so maybe it's terrible at doing that it is very little, little media that does a really good job with it. So I think, yeah, and also in trans people up just to be like, uselessly represented in the media, and some really, really negative stereotypes and stuff. So they are doing even worse everyone else, which is such a shame, because it's so so many misunderstandings about trans people and, and Stephen, like, I make any fit. I'm a medical student. So I make an effort to educate myself on on sort of health issues, as well as is just just LGBT community as a whole, and interests me a lot. And so spent time educating myself on trans issues, but people just, like, bother know, everything there is to know, I only know what I I taught myself and stuff. And I don't have that experience as well. So this Yeah, it's really hard. And it's also really helped me you know, get to see yourself in the media. Because, again, the isolation thing [00:17:10] has a very many characters, those storylines that you have been have reflected your identity you can relate to. [00:17:18] I really like on Grey's Anatomy, I really like because it's because it's sort of just the medical side of things. And as like, like Karen, Kelly and Arizona, on that show thing really good because it's such a consistent relationship, and it is a proper thing. And they the storylines are advanced beyond the fact that they're two women. And they, you know, they're having that they have the ups and downs, and they have their own storylines in their own lives and the different very different characters, but I really like, like seeing that in the context of the fact that I got to be a doctor. And yeah, that I probably probably the most, identify with him. Yeah. [00:17:57] And what do you think about the marriage equality builder, lefty [00:18:01] school, until the match, I'm Ellington, which was really fun with a couple of friends. And I listen to listen to even speak and stuff. And it was really cool. And it was quite nice with like, people signing petition and helped it out on the square, which is the intern civic square in Wellington, like a fan. And that was the head, the petition there and stuff. So while that was just before, this, like some just before it started getting going through and getting signed in, and it sort of stuff. So that was really, that was really cool to be like, yeah, quite sort of being part of stuff being and the people who did the work to get the petition guy and all that sort of stuff are amazing. And it was quite cool. Because my parents that, you know, my parents came to see my parents brought my brother in came to see me at the fear and stuff that was really important to me that my parents sort of understand who I am, that's not going away. And this is something that was one of the things they might have thought when I first came out to them. Because I wasn't comfortable. It was also totally unexpected, which I recognize. Gonna be like, okay, all of a sudden that they came in, they both signed that petition and stuff. And it made me feel really happy. Because see that really supporting me in that way. Yeah, that was really cool. I think it was, I think was amazing. And all the speeches and stuff are great. And it's really cool to see today have conversations with people about being wise. It's only happening now what's you know what's wrong? It's you know, this two days ago, I don't see why people are arguing against this so stupid. So all the support was quite cool. Just like my friends. And so people our age is really good. [00:19:41] Yeah. you celebrate with the past. [00:19:44] I, I kind of did all that audition for like, for something. So I didn't really get to do it properly. But I did jot [00:19:51] down a few times. [00:19:54] My mom texted me passing she was watching. Yeah. [00:19:58] And is that something that you like? I think you might want to do? [00:20:02] Yeah, yeah. It was always something. I think [00:20:07] it's a school that it? Yeah, I was maybe but said it wasn't? It wasn't actually [00:20:12] surprising. [00:20:13] But it's nice. As I said, Does, I think it's really important to for the people think marriage is something that they want to do or not as to make sure that you brought his opportunity to make a decision for themselves rather than have it made for them just because it's because some people decided it wasn't okay. [00:20:30] That's that's awesome that we've got magically but what do you think are some of the issues that are facing crunchbase people anything to them? [00:20:37] Well, I as long as we can help revision, [00:20:43] I just started [00:20:45] initiative to try and get some proper LGBT specific education to move into medical school. Because actually, I the during the summer, I was kind of wondering what we get taught, because I'm an insurgency. And I [00:21:00] sorry, email found out that we really think we only get, like an hour long thing. Just kind [00:21:06] of like an intermediary penalty. I don't know. [00:21:09] It's not a very comprehensive hour. It's I think it's pretty interesting idea of coming out. I think that's all but I think that's all that's all we get. And as health professionals doing, we interact with the LGBT community all the time through all the different disciplines. And there's some definitely some at least some etiquette things that a table that have health officials learned and they can build better doctor patient relationships with, with Korean trans people, when they have their incredibly vulnerable place, the health, the health problems in the community at pretty shocking like smoking rates and all this, there's a lot of really specific things and we just don't get taught it. And so just last night, I put up a Facebook page. So we got won't see me the inverse. And so it's good law support. And among the medical students and stuff, several people been telling talking to me about it. That just, I think it's going to be like this, my project for the next couple of years, is changing that. That's what's important things for me, I think is if people are treated well on the health system and supported and especially with a lot of mental health issues and that sort of stuff. There's a poor welfare, and they do better overall. Because Yeah, doctors, often people who end up being people not having that interaction with. [00:22:25] Yeah, cool. That's such an awesome project. [00:22:31] We think will be exciting is tied into that and other issues. [00:22:40] I think just kind of keep going the way they are now, in terms of becoming more normalized such I don't know, we people just understand it is another just another kind of identity him so and that people are the way that they are and so in learning to accept how they for how they are, and hopefully that change that's happened sort of in the more sort of Central, more populated areas can [00:23:08] move out [00:23:09] to the more rural areas, and I think it will, as the younger people start growing up better, so it's going to be a time thing. So 10 years, I'm hoping people will be even more accepting than they are now. And then there'll be more like continuing more resources and more support and stuff. For for people who are going through all the different aspects of the table can struggle with that being queer trends. I hope the health system, but especially that trans people have to go through will get a lot. And I'm hoping that part of what I'm doing this, hopefully can help start at least start to see some of that on this getting a general understanding. Because the cool thing about doing a medical school, this means that every doctor who comes through, okay, the education that if everyone gets a sort of standard of education, then the overall standard in the medical community will will go up. So yeah, it was a similar group at Oakland, who just did the same idea pretty much at the same time as me and her during her doing as well. And which is really exciting, because it's the term medical school. [00:24:26] So that's really exciting. Yeah. [00:24:28] And if you could give a message to [00:24:33] a young person struggling with it, and like, coming out, and maybe even like someone trying to, like a young person trying to get the health care they need, but not getting much help. What would what would you say? [00:24:49] In terms of people just trying to get yourselves out is to, is it that time times, okay. And it's not like, it's like, it's totally cold to feel out of place. And to feel weird like this. It's fun, it's totally normal. And there's nothing wrong with you. And there's nothing wrong with not knowing exactly what you felt as well. Because [00:25:09] figuring out where you fit takes time, and, [00:25:12] and there's no need to put a label on anything or do anything before you're ready. [00:25:18] And, [00:25:19] you know, to slowly find out, find out those people who can support you whether it's online, or it's a friend or a family member. [00:25:27] And, and but just what [00:25:28] you know, don't need to rush anything, there's no, there's no rush on figuring yourself out. Because a lot of people don't figure themselves out for a very long time. And you're allowed to change your mind on how you feel and everything. There's nothing wrong with that either. And people who are looking for good health care is that you get to pick your doctor. And if doctors are not treating you well. And or you don't feel like they're listening to you find another one because there are more doctors. And you know, that it's totally your rise to be to be treated with respect. And to feel comfortable with your doctor. You know, [00:26:06] and I know that's a little hard for people in more rural areas [00:26:10] we are looking for. [00:26:11] So that might be quite good look for support from some of the groups like rainbow youth and all that sort of stuff and talk to them about how you could fund some beta support. But yeah, that you that especially if you live in somewhere like Geneva, and there are a lot of doctors in Geneva and if one makes you feel uncomfortable or wasn't doing what you what you need to be have, what you need is that there are there are more [00:26:32] doctors out there and now are great doctors out there. And he you have the right to go and find them and to not go back to the doctor that you feel like you're comfortable. [00:26:41] And to finish up what's your favorite thing about being angry face and then [00:26:51] I really like that community and stuff. I think it's a really it's a really fun, diverse, vibrant community. And it's also made me a better person. [00:27:00] Being part of it. It's [00:27:01] opened my eyes to how different people can be and accepting other people. It's made me a more accepting person. And I think that's really cool. As Yeah, is that it's on the whole livery. It's made me a better person and being part of a community [00:27:15] which is great.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio. It is not a transcript, it has not been checked by humans and will contain many errors. However it is useful for searching on keywords and themes.