Dusty - South

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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride in the.com. Gareth support from the rule foundation. And how do [00:00:07] you describe your identity? I'm gay. [00:00:11] Do you think the language that we use of our identities has changed over time? [00:00:15] Yeah, differently. I think, Well, maybe not. Kay's describing themselves or queer they were describing themselves and other people describing us has definitely changed from being a really negative thing, like or a really euphemistic thing, like, flowery or something like that a long time ago to being neutral. Or like, yeah, to be gay, or queer, this being more neutral. I think queer is entering the non queer communities vocabulary a lot more these days. [00:00:46] And when did you first become aware of your sexual orientation? [00:00:51] quite young, it's embarrassing, but I was in denial for a long time. Like, I really obviously gay. But I was still Yeah, for a long time. But in year 12, one of my friends didn't really like come out. He just like started going out and having sex with boys. And then like talking about it, without like, saying, I'm gay everyone. So that sort of that definitely made me feel comfortable to like, talk about the same thing without coming out. So it was like a nice, easy transition. Yeah, really easy, actually. [00:01:27] And when did you start telling people or maybe showing? [00:01:32] Probably is their time? So when I was 17? [00:01:35] What kind of reactions Did you get from people? [00:01:38] Oh, if an already knew some like really camp, but [00:01:42] yeah, no surprise at all. [00:01:45] No toys, no [00:01:47] experience, any kind of homophobia [00:01:50] and high school? Yeah, a lot. Every day. I was like, really miserable. I wanted to like kill myself every day. Because everyone was horrible to me. They just would like when I was walking past it, like, say, like Vegas and soft stuff like it to me all day, every day, until maybe like year 11. So it wasn't really the people and my year as much money the people in the year above me. And then when it got to that year to year leaf, and they sort of like got over it. And then the people in the year below me started doing it. But yeah, definitely by year 13. Like that would never happen to me. A high school and year 12 didn't really ever happen. So yeah, they just needed to like grow up. [00:02:35] Yeah, thank you think that was because people were maturing, or was it to deal with how you were? Like, feeling more [00:02:42] confident? Or? [00:02:44] Probably just other people? Yeah, I probably just wasn't fun anymore. I guess the name because I like grew up. Yeah. [00:02:53] And to just go with it kind of do anything about it was getting support. People lucky. [00:02:59] There wasn't much any queer support in particular, but there was like, bullying support, I guess, in general, just like the guidance counselor and like, tell a teacher or something like that. But when I was young, it was just so what's the word like universal that it was? Like I kind of told on every single person, they're just too many. And I don't even know what any of them really, but I'm by like, 11 or 12. When it would occasionally happen, then I would like tell on them and they would get in trouble. So yeah, they they definitely weren't like a pathetic to me or anything like that. [00:03:37] And do you think they could have been like a cool impact if there was like a Christian group or anything like that in your school? [00:03:45] I don't think anyone would have joined it. But if there was one that had people in it differently, [00:03:49] yeah. Well, that's pretty good. It's good. [00:03:52] Indonesian. [00:03:54] What do you think it's like being a queen increasing in the South Island? Do you think this kind of differences? [00:04:01] I guess they're probably a lot less queer people here. Then, like bigger places like Christchurch Wellington, especially Oakland? [00:04:15] I don't know, I guess. [00:04:18] Did you have any indication in your health classes around six orientation? [00:04:24] I was overseas when we did and six education. So yeah, I missed out on that. But probably, it's probably pretty neutral. I'm not sure. [00:04:36] And have you been involved with any, like, queer community, but [00:04:41] no. [00:04:43] I tried going to one in high school. But all the people there just seemed really like young and immature. And like kind of trashy, like, they just sort of like burgled the rules. And like, they were, for example, they were not to smoke during this like one hours. So like, halfway through it all go out and like smoke with each other outside and sort of study by myself. And I just had nothing in common with him at all. And they were like, for them. Being gay was like the whole identity. And they sort of seemed kind of attention seeking in it. And I just didn't, I didn't feel a part of it at all. So I guess it was really good for them because they had each other. But yeah, I didn't feel a part of it. So that's like my problem not is. And [00:05:29] did you feel quite isolated? when you're younger? [00:05:33] differently? Yeah. Yeah. Like? [00:05:36] Yeah, absolutely. [00:05:38] Did you know any many other [00:05:41] people at your school [00:05:43] yet? So like, there was the one other guy that I mentioned before? [00:05:47] So we were like friends, and we aren't necessarily being my really good friends and year 11 or 12? Because I think most of his other friends dropped out of high school. But yeah, just one out of the School of like, 1000 people. [00:06:05] What do you think was stopping people from being open? [00:06:10] Because obviously, we know that the morning Yeah. [00:06:16] I think even like when I was a high school, so not even 10 years ago, 567 years ago, when I was I can live a normal year. I just wasn't as acceptable in a high school setting. Like if you're like grown up in this, okay, because everyone else doesn't care because they will they have grown up and mature about it. But I'm like, I was bullied every day all day. So yeah, why? Why would you subject yourself to them when you could not? If you could, like hide or even [00:06:50] for your family? kind of the way that you Okay, [00:06:53] yeah, well, you don't have to tell them. [00:06:56] Yeah, definitely. I knew that both my parents were diverse, really liberal. I knew they want to care at all. Yeah. Which is like really lucky when you compare it to like people being thrown out of their home and abandoned by their family for something so trivial. [00:07:13] And so what's the big like, going to investing being clear University computer, high school? I'm [00:07:23] not, I don't think I've ever been bullied. The universe. I don't think anyone is bullied at university. And no one should be known to be bullied in high school, but definitely not should be bullied at university in France and adult. Yeah, it's been fine. It's been good. I really like you know, finished it for a long time. [00:07:44] And, and what support or kind of social opportunities that we have out there. And [00:07:50] I think there's a lot. There's a thing that happens every Wednesday called q4 for two hours, which is like a coffee and keys chatting session. Yeah. And I did used to go to there a few times. And like first, or maybe, I think just in first year, but I'm like, I've been at uni so long, probably not a single person who was there, then is still there now. And I just felt kind of awkward, like talking to any of those people. But it wasn't like my high school group where I'd have nothing in common with them. But I'm like, really shy and awkward with people I don't know, normally, especially if it's like me versus a group. [00:08:34] And, yeah, I never really knew how to talk to anyone and knew no one ever really came and talked to me. [00:08:42] So I stopped going. And now I feel where she wanted to go. And I don't think I really need to go. I think a lot of people do ago, and it's like good for them. But I don't think I need it right now. [00:08:55] Is it important to to have kind of like a sense of community or belonging [00:09:01] to growth in relation to me, Gail? [00:09:05] I think for me, not so much. But I think it really helps a lot of people, like even the ones that the high school group that I was at, like, I'm sure they really, really, like, valued at even though I didn't, so it's good that they hit it for them. But no, I sort of feel like I don't really fit in with the gay community, believe it or not. Yeah, so no. But for all the people who do use it, which has, like dozens schools prefer it is really important to them, I'm sure. [00:09:41] And I'm interested in what you said about not fitting in with the game. [00:09:45] Yeah, well, it's weird. I don't really understand why [00:09:49] I've only been are in addition to that the q4. And coffee thing is like gay party event things. I think one of them I think near Three, two or three. And one of them's run by the university, or the University. I'm not really sure because I've never been to one of them. Twice was like three years apart in there was like a year ago. Beer doesn't seem like something the university would really be like, encouraging. But yeah, the and lots of people go, let's say like, most of the queer people Indonesian would you would go to let's see, we'll go to some of them semi regularly or the youth attending anyway. Yeah. And some of the knots are useful for you. Anyway, sorry. You're lucky ladies. Christian. [00:10:43] Yeah, so what what is it? Do you think about that you are a community? Thanks. You know, [00:10:49] I don't know. It's not like I'm embarrassed or anything. It's not like you're gay. I don't want to be associated with you. I think it's just the me versus a group thing and not feeling comfortable. And I'd sort of need someone to approach me and start talking to me. And I'm like, not very friendly. I don't. This is some parasite. But I like probably because I grew up feeling so like, isolated and answers bit like pseudo pop psychology. I'd like yeah, I'm not friendly. Even if I'm feel like I'm nice. or doing something nice. It's not in a friendly way. And I'm like, trying really hard to change. But probably if someone did come up and talk to me, I'd probably be like, one word blonde answers thinking that I was being friendly, but actually really not being. See, I think it's probably that, but then I feel like he's been away from the gay community or like, not have had it for so long that it would be really awkward to go back. And really good. [00:12:00] Did you have come outside of like, the group service? Or do you have other friends? [00:12:06] Yeah, I've got a few. I don't have as many as I used to, and I never really see them. That's the mainly just like my friends on Facebook, who I used to hang out with sometimes. And now I just say like, this statuses been cool things happen to them. I'm trying to think how many I have like not very many at all. One of my my best friend who's a girl was surprisingly, it's been recently so that sort of like, added one unintentionally. [00:12:36] But I'm trying to think two, three, like hardly any. [00:12:43] Oh, no. Maybe about like five. But one of them's like, Florida ones and Wellington like, yeah, so I don't hang out with him? If [00:12:55] so, if you could like envision things like differently for you, it [00:13:01] but if they did, they will be something that was [00:13:04] like if it didn't invoke you having to put yourself out there kind of a lot easier. Not so good. [00:13:09] Jerry? Probably I'd probably still feel all good. [00:13:13] But [00:13:16] yeah, [00:13:18] I don't know. I'd like there's no reason that I wouldn't want to be friends with him. I don't get there's no reason that I removed myself or anything like that. Just Okay, it [00:13:30] does. Go ahead social media plan part one kind of connecting with other. [00:13:35] Yeah, Sunday is a Facebook group. It's like a secret group. So like, no one can see that your internet or anything like that. So there's like no downside to being in it. We're basically everyone queer at a university as a member of that group. So it's just like, there's a lot of people. So I guess it's nice that it's not just like two people, because then you'd feel really lucky learn. So yeah, that's really good. Because all you normally have to do is like, meet one gay person at unit and then they'll like, add you to that group. And then you'd like meet all of them. And then you go to the like, the queer coffee thing. And then you go to the gay parties, and then you're like a full part of the community. So yeah, definitely. I think it's really easy to become involved with all of that. I don't know, why didn't [00:14:28] How do you feel about the representation of current trans people in the media? [00:14:34] Oh, well, it's definitely changed a lot since I was a high school. Like, when I was at high school, I finished in 2008. So that was a while ago, six years ago. So maybe 10 years ago, and a roughly started and was going to intermediate and stuff. This basically like, I felt like there's nothing. And I definitely felt like if any sort of like a LX singer that came out in the career would be over just like that. And now that Sarge, like, if that's so different, people are coming out differently now. [00:15:12] Yeah. And [00:15:15] so in terms of like, positive role models, and like the wider media and not so much like the news differently, I don't really like follow the news. But um, I know that stuff.co.nz and, like, it seems to have lots of like, queer themed stuff. Like it's not like a queen thing. It's like a mainstream thing, but I mainly from the commenters who are like, there's so much stuff on here so long and stuff like that, and I just laugh at them. [00:15:43] Thanks a lot for having me. [00:15:46] Yeah, but just I think not so much. People like criticizing gays just criticizing stuff for having too much of like this one minority on the thing, which is like, I'm sure if you like, calculate the proportion of like queer theme stories to non quitting stories. It's really a 1% But yeah, [00:16:08] and these are your identity reflected in the media. And [00:16:13] looking at media, the news books TV. [00:16:22] I guess unlike fictional things, not really. Like I'm trying to think of movies that have gay people I don't really like watch the gay themed movies as much but like Mean Girls, you've got Damien who's like [00:16:36] really fat ugly. [00:16:40] And can't say I can't also can't say [00:16:45] that Yeah, I guess not really. I'm sure it's like improving all the time this this new movie called my gay be fearful something Do you know that then? Yeah, I saw the trailer for that looks interesting. But um, I don't know I feel like the media has this sort of pressure to they really PC around like portraying portraying gay people in so that they have to they can't like use gay stereotypes and this is like a comedy thing. So if there's like a gay character they probably like a straight character because if they made them like camp at all, or anything like that didn't like to be criticized for perpetuating perpetuating stereotypes and stuff like that. So I think you sort of see and fiction really like camp gays? Especially like an older stuff or like really straight acting gays? Not really anything in between, but as it's really changing, and don't consume much media at all, but songs like never hit a song by a guy about a girl and like the only song that I can think of except very honest song. I can't remember what it's called. Which is like singing about this girl who's like into her but she isn't like ladies so she isn't my into it. Like she's like Saul's is the song that Macklemore sampled. I think I've seen a video for but I can't remember the name of the original song but yet the song [00:18:23] is the song that was sampled callsign have to [00:18:27] marry. Yeah, she keeps. [00:18:29] Yeah, yeah, that one. That's the only song that I can think of by a woman about like, loving a woman. But it's like not really mainstream. I can only buy it. The only reason I've ever heard of it is because of Macklemore Yeah, but like, I think that that song is really cool. Like, really made a huge difference, I think to me into everyone, I think [00:18:54] demon Macklemore funnels? [00:18:57] Yeah, it's [00:18:58] a bit more backlit up next on that habit. [00:19:02] Yes, sir. Like the video quality Joker. The I think the video is good because, like, both the characters are sort of in between, like when I'm saying they're not really care, but they're not really straight. Like you don't hear them talking. Or and they're like Mardi Gras or whatever. They just like ordinary ish sort of people. We bet a few minutes so that you can sort of like understand that the game just by looking at them. And they're just like living out their lives. They don't like get some hate and the video from the parents but in like the mom obviously gets over a kid she walks his hand down the aisle. And just like when they're walking down the street, like they get like showered by someone walking past which I think was good. Because conditioner there because if they were just like, everything was fine, then I would want to be believable, especially for someone like the rage back in the late 20s. And America. But yeah, it's just it's like, gives you hope, just by like watching the video. And that song was really like, successful. And at the same time, at a sort of around the world. There was the gay marriage equality movement, and like it succeeded and New Zealand succeeded and a lot of places. Yeah, it was just like, really good video, really good song became popular, and it was like a really opportune time. And I think that's the first time I've ever heard a song about like a gay theme song that was popular. Yeah. [00:20:35] And [00:20:36] some people have been criticized that song because it's because it's written by a straight, man. And he's kind of getting all this popularity for writing a song about the gay community. And it seems like there's quite this two sided thing with some people like some amazing and Scott's popularity, gets good from people. This is really great. And some people are like, the artists are getting recognition for their songs and this kind of statement telling a story kind of thing. What do you think of that? [00:21:06] Okay, I think that you can think Bry too much of anything, criticize anything. No one's perfect. Nothing's perfect. You know, you can criticize the Green Party for not being environmental enough. But I think you've got to take it where you can get it. And I'm sure like one example of that song furthering a gay Alice career is like my one view on YouTube of Mary Lambert's original song. I think we can take all the help. We we need all the help we can get. And I think to criticize someone for being straight is homophobic, well, really, what's the word sexual orientation phobic or so or whatever. I don't know, I think good criticism like that doesn't get anyone anywhere. It's just sort of like, to me, it's like a really academic sort of waste of time thing. Like maybe we can, like discuss all this later, when queer here will have full equality and stuff like that. But I just don't think it's helpful. Like, for some gay artists and make a really popular song, the end like it's up to you to like, make a song that everyone wants to listen to. [00:22:24] And how do you feel about magical lovely person? Oh, that's [00:22:27] awesome. Yeah. I want to get heavy there's gonna be a marriage. Not, you know, looks like a marriage. But isn't. [00:22:39] We you involved at all activity? Right. So mission, celebrate readings, anything like that. You [00:22:45] probably wrote a submission by like, you know, precinct seemed at a pre prepared one, signed petitions differently and stuff. Like they're not really pretty passive. But yeah, it seemed like it was good be now we're in 20 years. And, yeah, it's really cold that I have now. [00:23:09] And they want to get married. Well, yeah. See, in your future, what you want to do after you finish? I mean, [00:23:15] well, I studied law, and I want to be a lawyer. [00:23:20] Yeah, this all probably want to travel probably, like really boring. Like, I don't want to conquer the world, climb Mount Everest or become prime minister or anything. I just want to have like a really boring middle class. Life, buy a house? [00:23:35] Get some babies somehow don't know how. Yeah. [00:23:41] What do you think some of the most important issues that are facing in New Zealand at the moment? [00:23:48] I think trends is the really big thing. Like even like running best a minute, but even I sort of feel uncomfortable when I say transgender person, because like, people, I don't really understand why I have this fear of difference, which is obviously why queer people are facing like prejudice and stuff like that for so long. Now, because we're different. But, yeah, so like me, like a really gay person. feeling uncomfortable. That's so bad. Like, I feel ashamed of that every time. Like, I feel that way. And people just need to get over it. And like, the whole word weird. What does that even mean? Like you just say all the time? That's weird. It's like so different to like, what to say men, but people just say like, That's weird. And goodbye, discounter forever. So yeah, I think he will need to somehow get over it. And transgender people need to be accepted. Because like, when gay people started coming out, you found out that there were so many of them, and like, they're probably lots of transgender people [00:25:07] who just hide because it's so much easier like that. [00:25:12] And these any solutions to that to getting accepted. [00:25:21] It's always easier to start with the children, like Hitler did with the Hitler Youth. Because the light when your child, nothing matters, like, like, everything that we find weird and like, stuff like that they don't, because we're trying to be the way that we are. So if you like, I don't know, teach them that it's normal, then they'll believe it. And they'll grow up like that. Just say our generation has grown up believing that being like gay queer is normal, because will not have normal. Yeah, whereas I parents were taught, or grandparents or they were told opposite. So that's how they grew up feeling sad. It's just, I think, a generational thing don't really know. What else could happen except more. [00:26:15] More change to new people. [00:26:18] And recent transgender people burst of numbers, and [00:26:24] I don't know something. [00:26:26] And what's a message that you would give to young people who might be struggling through some of the things that you went through? I think [00:26:35] it's been this, like, cliche but yeah, I was on miserable journey. Like High School, especially like, Junior High fish. And I'm so happy now. Like, everything change. It's like, Yeah, I was awesome. [00:26:59] And can you kind of quickly like my mental things that like it, change the new? [00:27:06] Yeah, so it was like mainly, one mainly a lot of it was just like, stopping being bullied at high school. Because like, they grew up the bullies are often like, didn't care anymore. wasn't fun anymore. Probably mainly bit but at the same time, I had like really hot thick skin then so like, people would be calling in big cock sucker. I don't know stuff. Like they're just walking down the hallway at school. And I like didn't care. It was Yeah, just bounced off. But then when something like that him and and year 12 like once a month for like once every six months or something like it really hurt me because, like those walls had come down because I didn't need them anymore. [00:27:51] So yeah, [00:27:53] at the same time, [00:27:55] it was getting better, but when it happened, it affected me a lot more. But yesterday, I had a really fun year. Like I had a boyfriend in year 13. So that made me really happy for a while and then really sad when we found out really quickly. This really big deal for me at the time. And then the after I finished high school was up until the end of my life, I just felt so happy to get here. And I felt so happy to have like no responsibility of like NCAA like not that it's so challenging. Yeah, I was still like living home so I had no rained, I had no bills, like I hadn't nothing taught me down and I felt so free and really happy. Yeah, I just felt like instantly happy. For some reason. I don't really know why. [00:28:46] My happiness is more than the sum of its parts are so happy. [00:28:52] And I need to finish up. What's your favorite thing about being a person and to me? [00:29:03] When I was younger, I really enjoyed scamming on guys with my girlfriends. That was really fun. But I guess for me today, I just know that I've got it better than any other gay person in history. And that's your, like, Western civilization. Yeah, so that this like really satisfy. But then at the same time, I feel really sad because you look at Russia, and they've got like the complete opposite. It's so underrated. It's the new Holocaust. And no one cares, no one's doing anything about it. But in general, I feel really satisfied. I feel like I've got every opportunity that any gay person to the head to do what I want to be happy. The normal life yeah.

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