Snapshot 2000 - personal advice

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride in zero.com. The advice that I would give to anyone who's thinking about coming out, as in coming out as being gay, lesbian, bisexual, whatever is to come from an informed position and the best way to do that is to get books that are supportive embrace when we've got a couple of specifically supportive bookshops for your get gay and lesbian literature, read books is one of them. And if you get books like I'm looking at books on the licenses like together forever by Andrew Marshall gonna have in front of me at the moment their books on like gay and lesbian film, like the Badlands is a wonderful book, loving someone guy, but don't clock. And by even reading books of short fiction, and reading how other people have either felt about the same sex, or had been advice about feeling is all useful. But to realize that there is a huge range of things that can be true, or that can happen. And reaching out to your health is going to be consequences knowing that you're worth looking after. [00:01:15] I think [00:01:16] one of the best books that I've read the hundred handled by Judy Carter is so valuable, I think because so amusing as well. And I could say that that would be a good thing to get informed, then to get active, getting politically active is useful thing to do. It doesn't mean that you have to be involved in the product collective forever. I know lots of people who've used the product collective as a really important special tool. So it's been two or three years getting involved with the group. feeling confident about identifying as a game analyst and, and the fact that the festivals attract several hundred people here like several thousand, even up to [00:02:03] it puts you in a good position to start. [00:02:06] I think the only was like [00:02:09] I said, if I had a message to anybody who was coming out [00:02:11] or deciding their sexuality [00:02:12] or realizing that they weren't who they thought they were, and they are now something else will be to remake and I'm always available for weekend farm, it was an pharmacies and I will be to be confident in yourself and to be sure that, that you're the person that you think you should be, and you're not anybody for anyone else, you can only be yourself. And there's no right and wrong. In the human body. There's, there's no, there's no lies, yourself, you can have any be true. And you will lose friends and you will gain friends. And you may have difficult time to family. But you'll get through it and you'll be a stronger, wiser better person for and that sounds incredibly passionate. And very arrogant and very bloody, unfortunately, is really true. We just gotta go for it be the person you know, in your heart you've got to be and enjoy because it is the best life you'll ever have. Because it's the only one you'll ever have. I did some work with the Detroit Council and I used to be a facilitator for dropping group for underwrite Haynes, and I've actually been treated all coming out thing with a lot of a lot of young guys. And because I was always the one that was asked and had the knowledge I got crushing in my half in the past kicked them out. And I think so many people make so many different mistakes. And so many people made some very good decisions. And I think the best thing for me to say to someone who's thinking about coming up and go talk and actually play shy is to just follow your heart and go to gut feeling. You know, it's like, things will change, the minute you say it out loud. And I suggest saying it out loud to yourself until you believe it before he said that laughter somebody else. [00:04:06] The Yeti, things change your life will change dramatically. [00:04:13] In a very long journey to get to where I am today. Very, very long journey and a very hard journey. But look back now and I'm thinking, well, would I change it? That's the one question I still pose to myself, would I change any of it? And the answer that I come up with is know that if I were to change one little thing, one, itty bitty thing that happens, I wouldn't be the person that I am today, I wouldn't be [00:04:43] the strong willed, [00:04:46] emotional, [00:04:48] together person that I am. You know, we all learn through mistakes. And through experience, and if you block yourself from feeling anything, or doing anything, you know, you'll never really attain ultimate happiness, I suppose. And I can honestly say at 23 years old, that I am happy. And finding, finding that happiness finding that place that makes me happy. gets me through the bad times is something crops up or unknown to a rough time if I'm feeling really lonely, or, you know, I have to deal with the problem. It doesn't. I feel Yeah, I fall down. But I don't fall as far. And I've got tools on board to be able to pick myself up in a very confident way. And if I've made the mistake, I can admit to it and learn from it and go, Well, hey, I fucked up. But I won't do it again. And if I do again, I'll do it differently. Differently doesn't work. I'll try it again. And again. And again. You know, nobody's perfect. Nobody's always Ross, nobody's always wrong. You know, it's about, it's about the individual. It's about you, being who you are. And you choose to feel how you feel you choose to be how you be known as contains that they can have an impact on you. Yes. And they can influence you Yes. But ultimately we might be we make the decisions in our life, and we need to empower those And guys, inside of ourselves. [00:06:34] I may [00:06:36] I love me [00:06:39] night. [00:06:41] My message would they [00:06:43] definitely do it. But be very careful. It is a great [00:06:48] thing when it goes smoothly. But don't rush into it. If you're not sure. Don't do that if you are sure your life in my life, particularly today very drastically, because I had the support of the people behind me and give people the benefit of the doubt, I was really positive I would lose my parents. And most of my friends. And I haven't lost a single person yet. And through people I've talked to no one I know has actually lost anybody through telling them. The Lisa idea is a very good idea, I found that work for me, you get all your ideas down on paper, and you don't fumble, you don't get upset. But everybody's different. Coming up with something so personal, it's something that you have to come from within yourself. I'm not, I'm not out there on the Derrick screamed, everybody come out and throw yourself and I just, you know, for me, it's been one of the best things in my life. And I'm so happy I'm gay, because being gay has made me a person who is in touch with himself and still fans on the underground with those seats. But, you know, if I hadn't been gay, I probably would have just lead my life very unconsciously. You never know what's going to happen. I mean, you can't, you can't talk about what is, but I feel that it would have taken me this much, much longer to, to start discovering myself and, and finding out who I really am. And being gay for definition was means that you have to go through this episode where you have to get to terms with yourself and have to have a very sharp look at yourself. And for me, that makes a person so much more interesting, somebody who is who's actually taking time to reflect and think about himself and what you want out of life and how you want it and in what way you want it and you know who you really are what, what makes you and I find that with a lot of gay men, that that's what is common is that you all have to go through this phase of coming out, which is very traumatic, taking very scary and, and can be very unsettling, because you're turning your whole life upside down. At least it was for me. And I think nowadays, because I noticed that gay men in the bars and that are open and then so much younger than than I was. I mean, they're like, I'm gay. I mean, I see gay people here against them, which of course is very good at when, like 14 and they're openly gay, and they're openly gay, in high school and all that stuff. And they don't, it doesn't seem to be a problem at all. But for me, it's been, it's been very different. And for me, it was very, very difficult to come to terms with it. But once I did, it completely changed my life. And I've noticed so much good come to me after I could be completely myself. And my life has become so much better. And I you know all the things I was afraid for the role false the role, the role, concoctions that which is work, without their will fit these things in my mind, things that I've made up, which is them, of course, from from, I guess from from the way I was brought up. But they're not, they're not real, nothing to be really afraid of. Be true to yourself, I think that's what you really have to be. You have to [00:10:21] decide [00:10:23] who you are, what you are and how you want to live your life. And then you can do that. And like yourself, be proud of the person. Not so much a sexuality. I don't think that's important, while others important to you, but be proud of the whole person that you just basically present [00:10:41] on your sexuality. [00:10:44] Don't try to judge your justify your existence based on your sexuality or anything like that. [00:10:50] Just be proud of the whole person that you [00:10:54] are take the water with people that you know very well and see what the reaction is that I think that my mother wouldn't be able to cope with it. And I kept it from her for quite a long time. She didn't like and when I told her that she wasn't reacting particularly well. And that's the reason why I didn't tell her. She liked that even lyst. So there was no way of winning. Take your time. [00:11:22] It's It's It's your life, you do what you have to do. [00:11:26] It's not important to anybody except yourself and your immediate family and friends. [00:11:32] I don't see how [00:11:35] any political scene needs to have your voice added. [00:11:41] Unless you're comfortable. [00:11:43] It's not a political statement. It's a statement about you. [00:11:47] Be prepared before coming out. Think of any questions you have to be hundred and 10% sure. I know there's a fear of all the gay bashing and stuff I know I had that sort of fear, I think it is. If it happens, it happens hasn't happened to many people on. [00:12:07] So you have to be really prepared [00:12:08] and careful. Especially sex, sex, sex, the way to go. Control your hormones going out to clubs, think about the way I say it is everyone has got AIDS, so you have to be protected. That's just I know, it's a negative thought that to make myself not have any unprotected sex, I believe that everyone has the virus. And I mean, you can't get the virus by kissing and stop. But if you're thinking of having anal sex and going all the way through just meeting in bed at clubs going back to his house, but it was a done that, but be prepared. Here's your come out. When you feel when you feel you're confident enough [00:12:53] to be able to do it [00:12:54] without being your glory, no risk for first. [00:13:01] Coming out, man, [00:13:04] that natural, [00:13:06] fast break a strong voice first from [00:13:09] another transistor or transsexual. And just come out naturally just because we know Russia first. But don't. [00:13:22] Don't be so nervous of the show. [00:13:29] It's kind of hard for me to give advice, because I'm not [00:13:32] exactly that type of approach. [00:13:35] Coming out, I would say that course it depends on your age. Certainly, if you're a teenager, you have to remember that you don't have economic security, you don't really know. Although you may think you do, how your parents will react, I would have said my father would lead me and my mother would stay with me and it worked out just the opposite. So I would say be sure that you can say care of yourself, if you have to be sure that you have some kind of support of friends, that will you will not be alone should that various things come out of your coming out. And wait until the time when you're strong enough as a man or a woman to to let people know. Because there are a lot of people really that don't care. And in this year 2000, they just don't care as long as you're a nice person. But there are those fanatics who do. I mean, we hear this guy Gary bauuer. Today, stepping out of our election and saying that he will continue to mount attacks against gays, and abortion. And that's the kind of mentality that you really have to be sure that someone you coming out to doesn't have because they will turn on you. And thanks. But in this society here is much money that you may have to take care of yourself educationally. And realistically, for the necessities and maybe a house and all of that you really are far better off coming from a strong point to come out, then other people will find it much more difficult to disown you or to leave you. But it's not a nice process, although I have known people who've come out and they've had wonderful experiences with it. But there's nothing guaranteed here because this is a very sensitive subject to some people. One thing I wish I would have done differently is actually not really, when I when I came up to my friends I made, I sort of made it a bit of a big deal about it because I did feel really uncomfortable. And it was just like, I'd be like, I had something to tell you. And you know, I don't want this to like jeopardize our friendship. And because I didn't really know how people respond to it. When I was when I was talking to my friends, they didn't really care either that once I actually told them, it was just sort of, okay, you know, what's the big deal? Why do Why do I make a big fuss out of that, or if they just be like it. So the responses were pretty varied. But there was nothing really negative, I definitely didn't lose any friends. I don't think anybody even felt really awkward about it, it was awkward about the fact that I was getting a bit awkward about the way that I was presenting it. I don't know, I don't really think coming out, though, is that big a deal. I think it's more, I think it's more just being comfortable with yourself. And some people I know there are a lot of people that actually need to come out. And they need to, like affirm the fact that they're gay, and they need to have other people affirm that. And if that's the case, that definitely come out of the closet and do whatever it takes. Because there's nothing worse than being unhappy with where you are and feeling like you're not being true to yourself. That I think I think the biggest thing is it, I don't know, just just do what it takes to make you make you content and make you make you happy with with who you are. I think coming out is not coming out to other people, it's really coming out to yourself. And being able to live [00:17:20] a lifestyle, It's on us to some [00:17:24] feeling sort of nothing like that, you know, [00:17:28] really look at who you want to tell and why you want to tell them? Is it really necessary? [00:17:36] Yeah, my advice generally, would be that [00:17:40] it's just better to live honestly. And, you know, to to enjoy who you are. And try not to take on, you know, too much. A lot of the judgments you've heard from other people over time. [00:17:56] I think you know, they've [00:17:57] been productive, [00:18:01] different things that people have learned over their lifetime. And, [00:18:06] you know, we live in a society that we understand. [00:18:10] heterosexuality is normality. for whatever reasons, I think the biggest message is waiting till you're ready for it. And I think with a lot of people that depending on their environment, depending on where they've grown up, it really matters a lot as to how well you plan it. If you just you're in an environment that isn't particularly tolerant to you coming out, look at yourself hard and think, is it really that big need for me at this stage in my life, to subject myself to having to come out? Or is it something that I can [00:18:55] put off free [00:18:57] for six months, or however long it is until your circumstances allow you to come out without a backlash that could affect your education? Well, that could affect your family stability, obviously, it's always going to affect your family to a certain extent, and your yourself to a certain extent. You just have to look at your parents, your friends, your support network, I think is very, very important. I was lucky that when I did come out, I began to develop this support network of friends, that if I did have a very bad backlash, I wouldn't have been on my own. But at the same time, I was also independent that I was living at home. So again, if my parents had found out, and they had to throw me out of the family or something I could have survived on to say. And obviously, that's not going to happen with every family, because I think a lot of parents are extremely supportive. And some are not and only you know how your parents are going to react. [00:20:03] But think of [00:20:04] the long term consequences. Rather than just looking at this is something I need to do for today. Because it's building up inside me too much. I just have to tell them, I think you just need to plan it and have some sort of network or something to fall back on. If it all ends up going wrong. But if it all ends up going right and or if you think it is, then Good luck to you and just do it whenever is appropriate surface if it means that you're a 15 year old and it's appropriate, then do it if that means you've got a if you're a 21 year old, and you're earning just beginning to accept that. Maybe this is what you are then waiting for you 21 it really depends on the person and and whenever they're ready. Don't let anyone force you to come out. I think you have to write your timings, right. Don't just say it because it sounds good. You've got to know yourself if you're gay by [00:21:07] having to say because everybody's different. So, [00:21:10] video gay lifestyle is what you make it [00:21:13] just like age, sexual [00:21:14] life can be as happy or sad as you want to be. [00:21:19] Just be open, be honest, be genuine. [00:21:21] And [00:21:24] you'll get along we'll go a long way I [00:21:25] live a long happy life. [00:21:28] I'm happiest one of the happiest [00:21:29] man alive. [00:21:30] Life I am. I think I had [00:21:34] a health gripe. I stressed out as much as anymore and my values and people adore me because I'm [00:21:45] honest. [00:21:46] I see me for me, and I see them for them. But you have to do [00:21:52] your entire body and mind

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.