Snapshot 2000 - Laurence

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by Friday and seeds.com. I guess [00:00:06] a lot of people say I always knew I [00:00:09] never had a name for it. [00:00:13] I can recall being [00:00:16] I guess, young. [00:00:18] And some guy [00:00:21] hit the way. I said, What does that mean? He said something like, the guy who like fucking out the guys, and they should be shot. Well, I didn't agree with what he said about being shot. But I certainly knew that that was what I was that there was a name for it. [00:00:41] Even though, you know, [00:00:42] I've not acted on it, I just knew that I was attracted to men rather than women. So it wasn't till some years later, when I was 1990, in 1979, that I guess I decided to stop flooding, life that was a lie, and, you know, take the plunge and try and get in touch with, you know, the guy counselling service. You know that, that was one way of sort of getting to know somebody, I just thought the gay community was some, you know, all contained within one pub, or something, or one meeting Tyson, that those are just a few sleazy people. And that would be that after being introduced to the gay community, it was a real pleasant surprise. And immediately, like, I just went out on to Oxford Street and was introduced to [00:01:39] a whole new world was like, [00:01:43] This is what I've been missing out on. Even at the tender age of 19. I felt like, you know, this is where I belonged, with an interesting feeling. [00:01:53] Really happy feeling. And [00:01:58] all I can describe it as is a feeling of belonging. But yeah, there's this sort of world out there that wasn't really, you know, known about probably the majority of people. That was that I was part of it. So I felt part of a larger community. And that, immediately, I just sort of wanted to tell everybody that I was gay, but it was always appropriate. I guess I just tell those people who, for me, it was meaningful. Like my sister's not Mom, I didn't feel any need to, I didn't have that sort of relationship with her, I felt the need to do that. And still happen. And that's my problem. She never ask any questions, so that dicks really wants to know. [00:02:54] And from then on, it's been [00:02:57] something I disclose me when I really need to. But I think people that walk around generally saying, you know what, that I've had sexual, sexual or whatever. But if somebody asked for somebody is interested in that problem. And all I know is that, at that time at that sort of coming out time, I remember really well, I remember [00:03:23] it being one of the happiest times in my [00:03:26] life, [00:03:27] the feeling of freedom, and of, you know, finding who I was, I suppose, or a lot about myself, there was a lot more growth and development and education that came after that. But it was really, and realizing that you don't have to leave the rest of your life, you're not in some sort of way that doesn't feel really comfortable. What doesn't say you. And that really isn't true. To my friends, I will, I guess I'm really worried that you don't know what for the reaction. I wasn't scared about lose friends or anything like that. I mean, you know, so what if I did, not a tragedy, but I guess I [00:04:14] admit having men to confirm it [00:04:17] in it something not very pleasant, right? [00:04:19] Come, you know, if they said something dreadful, or, you know, made some derogatory comments or something like that. So it really wasn't about the friendship. I mean, the valuable, of course, but not as valuable as my identity and my feeling good about myself. And really, I found that people either said, Oh, yeah, I thought so. Or [00:04:44] there was not much reaction at all, or [00:04:48] don't recall, there's no reaction that is, I guess, significant enough for me to have a great memory of positive marcom to give any really negative ones. The generally people you know, if people are really interested, it's kind of, you know, you read the body language and the, you know, the I've made in the subject changes. [00:05:14] But never ever, ever encountered any, [00:05:18] any form of [00:05:24] response that I wouldn't call in a normal, haven't felt any, haven't felt any sort of aggression, or disappointment or anything like that. I know people do. I mean, on that people do experience that have a great deal of problems with it. But I generally found that you know, most people have for the quite happy that, you know, that you are a bit more confident, OBD feel, you know, you do appear a little bit more around the world, people really, you know, deep down denial anyway, sometimes for for you to my first sexual experience, I remember that was with some friends that I was going to school with. And so I met him quite a while and I think I was only about 16, I think, and we had a bit to drink and have various his health and effects, he was going out with my cousin at the time, and with me, for the world just been out together. And I was staying over there and had a bit to drink, and things just happen. But I didn't really feel like I didn't really feel like a sexual experience, because it was all really secretive. And it was almost like, you know, this happened for the thing that really didn't feel like had confirmed anything about myself at all. That seemed to be a much more of an emotional thing, that something that came from the inside, something that came out, you know, in regard to being [00:07:10] honest with myself rather than anything else. [00:07:12] But some little bit, I guess the the experience that will be memorable in that it was not the first opportunity. I guess. Before that, it was all just sort of fantasy 24 hours of fantasy, [00:07:27] imagining what I might be doing. And if we say [00:07:31] that, [00:07:32] after that, after I came out my first sexual experience was the first person to get my hands on Really? [00:07:41] And was good. Yeah, I can recall [00:07:43] it Some [00:07:46] call it being quite comfortable. And, of course this the first time you do this the first time you do that, there's a few first. And yeah, they're all good. Oh, I recall. The first year after I came out was I was really quite active. And [00:08:05] it was [00:08:07] sounds a bit craft. But I was counting the number of different people that have been with [00:08:14] that was almost like a bit of a game [00:08:17] MMO that isn't all that unusual, I just get out it is I think about now [00:08:25] that was exciting time. I mean, just sort of, you know, [00:08:28] exploring different situations as well and different people. If you get a little bit older, it at that sort of adventuring sort of [00:08:39] stopped a little bit. But [00:08:43] the core of it doesn't, doesn't go away. [00:08:48] My message to anyone thinking of [00:08:50] coming out is do it, no matter what the consequences. But do it in a way that say something, do it in it. [00:09:00] I think it's a good idea to be [00:09:03] to be wrapped around discriminating and who you till it's, I think coming out is not coming out to other people. It's really coming out to yourself. And being able to live [00:09:17] a lifestyle it's on us at some [00:09:20] and this feeling sort of nothing like that, you know, really look at Hey, you want to tell them why you want to tell them? Is it really necessary? But yeah, my my advice generally would be that just better to live honestly. And, you know, to to enjoy who you are. And try not to take on you know, a lot of the judgments you've heard from other people over time. [00:09:53] I think you know, they've been that's a product of [00:09:57] different things that people have learned over the last time. And [00:10:03] we live in a society that only understands. [00:10:07] heterosexuality is normality for whatever reason

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