Snapshot 2000 - Jonathan
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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride and z.com. [00:00:05] I think I first realized I was gay. [00:00:08] When I was in my late single for the years, I would guess probably eight, nine. And in Japan, I realized the feelings I had sexual awakening were not for people of the opposite sex, they were for people the same sex. And I had a fantastic family upbringing. From a broken home, my parents were separated and I was very, I was like my mother and her new male partner. And I didn't have any problem with that in myself. So that's not to say that I came out to my, my parents at that age, I didn't actually come out to my mom till I was 1819 years old. 10 years later, but just knowing that the support was there. And I think in reality, your parents always really know whether their child or their son or daughter is good, I think that it's alive to say I didn't my mom never knew my dad never knew. Because I think deep down later, it's the same as the husband is having an affair or the or the wife is messing around in a lunch break with a diet coke regularly. You just know, you know something's wrong. But when it came to coming out my mother, which was coming forth from the other time, because it was I was in less gay relationship at 1819 years old. And I live in London, which is the capital of England and my, my mom and her partner live in como, which is a region some sort of 250 miles away by rugged and when it was, it was a long way to go. And it was a long journey, take being forced into it by boyfriend, he was determined that I should come out to my parents and family before he could truly love me. I'm going to show first same sex relationship if you don't know what the rules are, because that will be offering insights around heterosexual ideals and fair times of what good relationships are and how they work. When you're suddenly thrown into some of the world one day much. We don't know the rules and how the game is played. So I accepted that as the norm, and traveled down for a multitude of days and come out and be honest in my my family, and it was over Christmas. And I remember the precise moment vividly. We were watching JFK or the same movie, on TV. And ever since I was a very young kid, I think it's due to the separation. My mom and dad life and I would join my mother on her bed, in her bed under the covers up under the covers now just fell on the side of the bed. And we watched it together for a little while and have a chat and I can fathom you know we will get free. And that is when we're sitting there. And I think there's a moment when Kevin Costner city space I have around because the family feeling behind the movie. And I said, Oh, God, I'd love to have kids and mom and my mom say that you will have kids right here. And I said, Well, I didn't know. And it was tough. It was when you get that fundamental moment where you don't quite know what to say. And there's a pause that fills the gap is as long as a lifetime but in reality is probably a nanosecond. And moment just suddenly something he wants to tell me and I said vivid as opposed to the first person I said in the third person, your son is gay. To which she said fantastic. Nice, fantastic isn't psychologists Tell me as long as you're as happy as you can be in your safe as you can be? It really doesn't matter. And that was it. That was no dying plant pop across the wall and soil fooling ever there was no red wine glasses being smashed, there was no, your father never wants to speak to you again. It was that simple. And the feeling of coming out. And having that final boundary of honesty, confirmed both both together was more missing them. I think anything I've ever done since anyone ever told since because when you're truly honest with the people that love you, and you can truly be honest with yourself. I suppose my first real sexual experience was with somebody in my secondary school, which is a school you go to from the age of 1115. In the UK, and a chat for lad go Matthew, we were the same age. And we had to go on a camping trip. And in this country, that means intense. Not intense, actually on the canvas. But it was pretty intense. And we ended up traveling to this side in the middle of a more informal again, very remote, very windy, very wet. And it was single second fence. And Matthew and I had always played together and hung out and done stuff going fans given the lunch hour and just had a good time. And that was that rock that you probably can't explain or understand. But you know, it's that is that that that exact intense mind numbing for the electric spark between us and excitement. And you can't quite define it because he's never experienced in general can come and so we lead this camp by campaign doing the things that teachers make you do when you're a kid like rescuing barrels out of you know, red sort of ice likes and all that sort of malarkey. And nighttime came and messy certainly just as a rule getting into the mode, why don't you come and Linux me and I thought there Why not? I know we are late at my best friend. I went to lay with Matthew not like with him in the biblical [00:05:03] sense, but a Mac fan. And I was we weren't sleeping those the usual for lattice laughter that you began playing around and in the middle, and I felt his hand on my sleeping bag and I was still with him. Again, anticipate anticipation and excitement. And I reciprocated it was the old tag games I think I've read a lot of first time sexual relationship based on is that you touch me here, I'll touch you there. And it continues and hands when under sleeping bags. And I'm in one particularly a motive and exciting point was that we were writing words on each other's summer, because we couldn't talk because we have to be absolutely silent. We have to remember that coma was not a place that was very respectful of things that run the norm is speaking with relatives and driving practice. We have to be very, very quiet about it. So he was setting out words on each other's bodies which are intensely erotic. Not intentionally but through necessity but sometimes things that you do to the best of the all of the nature of it and it was sort of are you enjoying this? Yes, I am. Obviously it's a very long period of time. But the one thing [00:06:15] that we never complete is that [00:06:17] sexual acts as as you would read in science. So maybe that was a little part of my insecurity not wanting to give every single lie at one so I just pretended for sleep and and the next morning we woke up and it was as if nothing ever happened until a couple of weeks later when it became a relationship that lasted for some years. I had a message to anybody who was coming out or describing their sexuality or realizing that they weren't who they thought they were. And they are now something else for me to really make and I'm always available for weekend from it was and Baba says now would be to be confident in yourself and to be sure that that you're the person that you think you should be and you're not anybody for anyone else you can only be yourself. There's no right and wrong in the human body. There's there's no there's no lies to yourself, you can have any be true and you will lose friends and you will gain friends and you may have difficult times of family. [00:07:13] But you'll get through it [00:07:14] and you'll be a stronger, wiser better person for it. And that sounds incredibly patronizing and very arrogant and very bloody, unfortunately is really true. We just gotta go for it. Be the person you know in your heart you've got to be and enjoy it because it is the best life you'll ever have. Because it's the only one you'll ever have.
This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.