Snapshot 2000 - Calvin

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride in seeds don't calm [00:00:06] some people are born gay, you know, you don't learn to be gay. Because when I was really young, when I see some handsome guys, I would play. [00:00:18] But I do realize that, you know, I have a feeling for guys until when I was my first year in high school, like 15. So that's when I started to accept myself as someone who is feeling for guys, and not for girls. [00:00:36] I'm in the concert, you know, I don't go out. And none of my friends know that I'm gay. So I have to go to the internet to meet someone, you know, on camera. And I also go to some porn site, and that that really excite me and I compared [00:00:57] gay porn and straight porn as that's when I realized that what I really want [00:01:04] what my sexual preferences. So that's what and then when I met the first guy on the internet, we had coffee, and we talked and we had really had fun. So. So that's how I realized that that's what I really want. And I will be happy being with girls. [00:01:23] Because of my age, and only 19. And soon in college, and my parents, they [00:01:31] i don't think [00:01:33] i think they will accept me as homosexual eventually, but not easily so and supporting me financially. So I'm waiting till I graduate from college and get a job and settle down to everyone. Yeah. So I think that's going to be a big thing. But I am going to tell them eventually, because my mother is always expecting me to marry someone and have kids and stuff. [00:02:03] I think that's [00:02:04] going to be a big disappointment for her. But I have to tell, because I will be happy, if you know if I do what she wants me to do. [00:02:14] The first times was, I think in [00:02:19] 97, [00:02:21] like around October nine, seven, I met that guy, and he's British. And I talked to him. And I was [00:02:32] trying to experience what gay [00:02:36] sexes. [00:02:36] And I talked to him. And I went to his apartment, and we talked and then we get really interested in each other. So we did kiss, and [00:02:48] then we went to our [00:02:50] sex. And as I didn't know anything about anything at [00:02:56] all, I was kind of nervous and wanting to extend stuff. And I call him like, as a scene in upon I want to have anal sex. And then he said he wouldn't do it. Because [00:03:13] I think, you know, he is really sort of cancel me, [00:03:17] because I'm [00:03:18] still virgin. And he has a very big endowment. So he's one of the best gay guy that I've ever seen. And it I'll never see him again. And then I forgot to get his address. So I didn't email him anything. And I sort of wanting to experience other guys, I don't I, I don't know, [00:03:42] I think it's not right. But many gay people do [00:03:47] that. And I think this is what I sometimes I think is like gays life is seeing a lot of different size, which is where a lot of us wind up getting AIDS or HIV. So went to see a couple months, several guys, but and feel the same way as the first [00:04:05] time they went and, you know, so I think it's really hard [00:04:11] to find someone like that first guy again. But I don't know, [00:04:17] I still want to experience with several more guys, you know, to have different experience, [00:04:23] but they just don't feel the same as my first time. It's memorable. And it's really what lovemaking is a [00:04:31] non life at the time. [00:04:35] What I feel what I really want as gentle and romantic stuff is [00:04:41] not it has nothing to do with like sex, but the way he touches us, like, [00:04:46] it just feels so good. I think this is what sex is about doesn't have to be a two factor are [00:04:54] not to having sex in the last guys, which is like excitement. And what do you see in the fourth? Good at this is not all about? [00:05:05] Well, I think that [00:05:08] coming out, [00:05:11] doesn't have to be late, [00:05:13] you don't have to come [00:05:15] out, you know, like, I don't know, if I accept myself gay, like socially, because I try to be with a lot of my, [00:05:26] my friends that occurs. So that you know, [00:05:29] to walk with them. So that so that no people would would like look at me as socially normal here. Because, like the number for the secular people, you know, [00:05:42] the thing that has reception is normal. And we are not normal. So I I don't know. I don't know, like, I do not accept myself as homosexual. But like, in my [00:05:57] mind, I just, [00:05:58] I just [00:06:00] don't know, I just can't control it. Like, I want to be really good to let people see that I do have girlfriends, [00:06:05] I'm not we you know, I'm not [00:06:09] like, don't let them suspect about myself and stuff. [00:06:12] So I don't know why I did that. But [00:06:17] I do accept, I am so confused. But I think I eventually will come out sometimes to tell my friends [00:06:25] because I don't feel [00:06:27] good. Keeping all this stuff myself. [00:06:29] So I tell them sometimes, but it won't be as colleagues, [00:06:37] I would suggest that people just coming out right after this settle down everything. Because a lot of people's, this is a brand [00:06:47] new thing. A lot of people still accept that. So [00:06:51] my parents, they are very kind of old fashioned. [00:06:54] So they haven't been exposed to what homosexuals above, it's going to be really new to them. I can't imagine what my mom will feel. She'll be really, really disappointed. [00:07:10] My dad, I think he would understand and my mom will do and eventually understand. But it would be really, really hard. It would take a lot a long time for her to accept me because she has said so much hope for me and [00:07:25] like, according to them, like heterosexual is what the life should be. So I can imagine Hi, Melinda. [00:07:38] And my [00:07:39] hands are really old now. And the youngsters were dead about $60. So [00:07:44] sometimes I thought about that telling them because they only have like, you know, they will [00:07:49] while you know, they're pretty old now. So just say forget about that. And [00:07:58] I don't know if I still need to. But if they find them in some other way, like find out my personal life, like [00:08:05] find out that I work [00:08:06] hard. But if they don't find out, [00:08:09] then I would try to [00:08:11] avoid that. [00:08:14] You know as [00:08:15] far as I can, [00:08:16] because I don't want to hurt that feeling. [00:08:19] So I think it's better [00:08:21] not to tell them

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.