Blue - Rainbow Touchstones

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride nz.com. I grew up in a time when little girls were supposed to be a nice little rosebud dresses and play with dolls. But I just couldn't fit into that stereotype. I wanted to be active and run around playing with guns. I grow into a real tomboy and began wondering if that means I was also a lesbian. The traditional thinking in the 70s was that lesbian as a might be a phase you go through. But if you're a main time of sexual in your adulthood, you were a very screwed up person. And that really scared me. My mental health issue started cropping up when I was 18, I started getting deeply depressed. And then after a while, I started developing highs as well. I had a whole lot of stresses, I was just leaving home, my grandmother just died, and are certainly not my sexual identity. All of these things became entwined with my mental health problems. I went to the doctor and said I'd lost my appetite, and that I didn't feel very good emotionally. He referred me to a psychiatrist. He told me I had depression. I went to see him twice a week for about six months, I only talked about the things that were easy to talk about. I was too terrified to tell them about the struggles I was having with my sexual orientation. Because of the fear of being judged. I thought he would try to label my feelings as a medical condition and think I had a sick personality. Over the next couple of years, I continued going to these talk sessions, as well as taking me to prisons, but nothing seemed to help. And so I ended up in hospital. As soon as I crossed the threshold of the hospital, I was labeled and identified as psychiatric patient. Once you've been in hospital, you can't escape that label was a made person. And to this day made has become a key part of my personal identity. The last point for me was facing the prospect of becoming a chronic psychiatric patient. Nothing seemed to be working for me. I've been in and out of hospital for several years, and I was losing all hope for the future. Then my older brother drowned. When Sean died, that Jonathan may or myself Percy, I thought, Gosh, here's this man of 28 his life was going along fine, and then suddenly his deed. And then I thought I might have another 50 or 60 years to live. I suddenly felt that I was the lucky one has this really helped change my whole outlook on life. My medication was changed, and I began to stabilize. I saw several other psychiatrists, but I still do feel like a talk to any of them about my sexuality. At the same time, my own internal attitude towards lesbian and some began to change. And I began mixing with people who thought it was okay. After I left hospital, I moved to Oakland. And that's when I came out as a lesbian. I've gone through similar experiences earlier, coming out as a mad person. I guess what really helped was that the politics of lesbian feminism in the 1980s had exact parallels with the mid movement that were just a template of each other. lesbians and feminists were being subjugated by men or hit for sexual society, intimate people were being subjugated by the mental health system. They were both liberation movements that reinforce each other. So I feed off each of them in my understanding. sexual identity was one of the cluster of identities, I had a team that fit into my mood swings. What I've got depressed if I hadn't been confused about my sexuality, being confused about my abilities, confused about the meaning of life, and I hadn't felt lonely and isolated. I don't know. I don't know now. There's nothing to be afraid of. You just have to be who you are. Recovery is very much tied up with your identity. Going through mental health problems, shapes the whole ground of your being. I felt that coming out as a lesbian was a resolution to part of my identity. It stabilized me. [00:04:37] Another part of recovery is about accumulating good experiences. If you've had instability that goes on for years, you end up with a deeper sort of good feelings about life. And even though coming out as a lesbian was traumatic and confusing and mind blown, in the end, that enabled me to have some good experiences. If you start succeeding and life are you start doing the things that make you feel good, then you gather a bit of momentum. And that tends to continue. In the early years of my recovery, it was about building up that store of good feelings and coming out was definitely part of it.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.