Horowai - Q12

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[00:00:00] This podcast [00:00:00] is brought to you by pride indeed. And rainbow you. [00:00:06] Hello, how are you today? I am fantastic. Please tell us a little bit about yourself. [00:00:11] I'm a naughty boy from Danny Vic. And I'm gay. It's quite quite nice. I must say. I like it. [00:00:18] Do do listen to that song. I'm a moderate boy. [00:00:20] Oh, yeah, by Jake's Yeah. Bloody awesome. And I watched him when he says go down and not just like, damn it still CC [00:00:30] by his house a little bit more about yourself. [00:00:33] What do you want to know? personality? Oh, my personality. I don't know. I got told by my doctor that I have a very gregarious personality apparently. Took me Google to know what that means and apparently means outgoing. I don't think I'm very outgoing. I'm pretty shy person. I'm just I just talk that does not mean I'm outgoing. I'm pretty shy. So I just keep going and then I end up babbling and that's what I'm doing right now. So [00:00:57] yeah, next thing you know, I will be doing how swish a frickin [00:01:02] nice leadership. Please. [00:01:08] Stop right now. Good. [00:01:12] Okay. Anything else? [00:01:16] Likes and hobbies. [00:01:17] I like some hobbies. I like to play on the piano and sing and I like to do musical theater. I was performing just this weekend. That was That was fun. Well, that was I've only ever done a production. Wow. That's a big deal. But yeah, that's fun. Lights, Camera action. And I also like to write and I writing a lot. By like planning stories one night like writing things are like, Yeah, you got the story in my head. Yeah, people don't even know what it is. [00:01:50] As you do Yeah, pretty much. [00:01:51] So. What does your sex [00:01:55] about say? Good, but it's a horrible job. I'm a male. f1 think about that. I'm on my own. [00:02:01] Yes. What is your gender identity? Male? What is your sexuality? [00:02:08] Gay. I'm gay. [00:02:09] What is your cultural identity? [00:02:11] I'm holding. And [00:02:15] how do you express yourself and feminine masculine camp tank? [00:02:21] bad [00:02:22] shit. [00:02:24] Oh, shit. [00:02:28] I don't know. I'm getting I'm Brown. I sometimes. [00:02:33] Like right now. I'm not wearing any socks, which is horrible, but I should be wearing socks. [00:02:36] Yeah. Yeah. So feminine, masculine. [00:02:41] feminine, probably more than likely. That's what my boyfriend calls me. He's a good yo girl. And I'm like, stop putting your gender identity. [00:02:50] Um, so when did you realize that you were attracted to male, white Lord? [00:03:00] Since I was a child [00:03:03] experimenting with the finer I guess that's [00:03:07] like voicera like floats. You know? Kissing shit. This is what I used to do. And which one [00:03:14] cousin [00:03:16] and one older male, right? That was dumb. Didn't like that. [00:03:24] But yet, since I was really little, and from then on, I've always had the image in my head of a male on top of the [00:03:31] damage damage. [00:03:38] Oh, no, I definitely did not mistakes. [00:03:40] That was definitely did. There was a good part of me. Well, just like [00:03:45] not not not until you said some abreast for the first time. No. [00:03:51] I gotta go pregnant. What? [00:03:54] Yeah. [00:03:55] Fantastic timing when I was. How old was it? 14 at the time you got pregnant. I gotta go pregnant apparently runs in my family. Every seeking sperm. And my penis was inside ago and stuff happened. And then she got pregnant. And that was fun because I had to just happen just as I bloody decided to go. I'm fully gay. There's no denying it now. No, yes. [00:04:20] I'm sure she knew this. [00:04:23] Here. You're welcome. [00:04:26] Wow, not something I like talking about. [00:04:29] So what happened to her? [00:04:31] Well, we went to notice this last night. Yeah. So grade number 14. You're dead. Awesome. And then she miscarried. And I was like, Yay, she miscarried, but there was still that sense of disappointment because it's like, Fuck, I want to be dead. still too young to be dead. But I know in future I want to say that helped me with that one. [00:04:51] Good dad. You probably be one day. I'll be a [00:04:54] horrible father. I have no patience for children. I will be the light. I'm here. Have some money go away person. [00:05:03] Yeah. [00:05:04] Wow. [00:05:07] I've never heard a story like that before. [00:05:12] Okay, great. [00:05:14] Okay, so, when did you come out of the closet? [00:05:20] Um, I came out of the closet. I opened the door of the closet and said I'm [00:05:29] gonna deny the bedroom gate play. Just like cuz I honestly didn't want to be gay at all. And I just didn't want to begin nothing. But I'm heavy now but back into this fucking shit. [00:05:42] You came out as by first [00:05:44] Yeah, and I only told my friends at the point of time and at school. I was always a kid that was oh boy that like for the boys. It's like girls, dude. [00:05:55] We got the pink [00:05:57] wiggly thing. [00:06:00] He Yeah, just location pretty much. [00:06:04] When did you came out as gay? [00:06:07] Oh, I'm pretty much after my girlfriend miscarry. [00:06:13] Like Yeah, congratulation. The last new last the child. You also lost both into the gay and then doesn't have anyone can you made him gay? No, I didn't. He was always good. [00:06:25] Cuz he didn't want to be gay. [00:06:28] Is crisis big? confusing? conversation. [00:06:33] So what was the main reaction when you came? That was Bye. [00:06:37] Bye. [00:06:39] Okay, this is funny. Um, one thing my friend did was she tried to ease in the conversation because she wasn't there. When I came out to majority my friends. And she just heard from my friends that I was buying. She was just like, so. Are you like, and just wave your hand. It's like, when I was like, you don't bet Thank you. waving your hand and I thought [00:07:02] go along. And then she guys. See ya. See ya. [00:07:08] Bye. Bye. Bye. It was like, [00:07:12] a lot more satellite. [00:07:16] Shit. And I'm Bye. [00:07:20] And then that's pretty much my thing. But I'm pretty sure that'll buy my bag. They always do. [00:07:28] So what was the main reaction you got when you came out as gay? [00:07:34] From her from everyone? [00:07:37] On average, on average? Oh, OK, then I like a painful. [00:07:49] Yes, of course you've been a gay boy. You've made me [00:07:53] never not being gay. I've always [00:07:55] been there. I just didn't accept it. [00:08:01] So um, have you ever attended an LGBT IQ group before? Nima Nima. [00:08:10] The remedy for last year? There's anything I've been taught alternative ball Yeah, pretty much yeah. And there's anything I've ever been associated with in a group of other guys. [00:08:20] Yeah, I remember that night I was DJ [00:08:23] if I know who the Jane [00:08:24] was I good DJ. [00:08:27] I just like hey, this is a song and then I end up sweating like hell is like [00:08:31] this is advertisement over here because this year I'll be DJ hang back at the rainbow youth alternative ball. And yeah, I'm doing again this year [00:08:40] and also going to be dancing again this year. But this time I'm going to control myself so I don't end up sitting on the dance floor because they're not attractive. My boyfriend me on the dance floor and the rain buddy as well. And is it fair? I know that what was your first impression me? You guys, Spain here. [00:08:56] Okay. Thank you [00:09:04] pretty much. [00:09:06] Just kicked it on the bed. [00:09:09] So I was I was I Alright, so um, [00:09:15] did you say you got some support with your sexuality? [00:09:18] Yeah, my my family were pretty good about it. Because I didn't have to come out to them that pretty much just like put away they'd like the dislike tipped me up because it pretty much just made my parents. My mom was a fatalist parents, which was sitting at the kitchen tables having a general chair. And we were talking about when they die I get all the money pretty much. Except for like all my 15 siblings, and then they're just like, okay, you're pretty much gonna get majority of money. [00:09:46] And and then they just sit there for a while and then they say, What do I do you realize if you okay with still love you. We still love you. We love you very much. And we pretty much accepted the fact that you're gay. And I was like, that's kind of [00:09:59] like, but it's like, yes. And then another way. Hey, guess what? Yeah, I'm gay. Yeah, we [00:10:09] kind of had enough to know. And then my mom decided to go through everything. Like my mom calls. She's a social worker, but she's been getting a master's in psychology. And why telling me about this time when I was mounting told her that when I was seven, I was playing my cousin's Barbies, because I was obsessed with Barbies. vaping. I wanted one but my parents refused. [00:10:30] Me, Bobby. But I [00:10:32] played my cousin's Barbie, and then I kept the hero, the Barbies. And then I'll just like a boyfriend, [00:10:42] boys. [00:10:44] And my cousin was obviously the struggle because I just captured Bobby's [00:10:49] princesses. [00:10:55] Now just [00:10:59] watch is it like being a gay boy living in Denver? [00:11:10] Again, that's good. Living in anywhere, it's pretty much lonely. We got Danny big isn't a homophobic place. It's just very ignorant. I grew up with no game icons or any media or any sort of person that I could relate to. So pretty much coming to myself and coming to terms with my sexuality. [00:11:35] It was very hard because it was really lonely. And I just like looked around, no one day and then I tried to do with my friends and my friends didn't understand. And then I started really bad because I started teaching my friends because they got like, in and out of stupid dramatic boyfriends things and now just like what killed I have a boyfriend to get your boyfriend. [00:11:56] Now you having more boyfriends in? [00:12:03] But yeah, I just [00:12:07] didn't like growing up gay and anywhere at all. And just feel so ostracized from the base of the world, because Danny Vic is an hour away from Palmerston North and an hour and a half away from Hastings. And so you're pretty much in the middle of nowhere. [00:12:21] So how did you got introduced into the gay community then? Oh, [00:12:27] okay, um, let's go with the first way I kissed because he moved into Benny Vic. And my friend was like, This gay guy, you're loving like that, just because he's gay. [00:12:39] Because I don't ask for another cop for [00:12:44] any other gay parents. And you know, and I just acted like that, because I was really scared because they're just [00:12:52] gay people. Oh, my God. What do I do? What do I do? I shake hands. [00:12:59] And so I just like that taking away, I don't wanna I don't want no. And then he takes me this is like so [00:13:05] much. And then first time I made. It was really nice, because I was in the middle of Fiddler on the Roof. And he came to see me and he's just like, [00:13:14] Oh, my God, thank you. And the second time I made him, we ended up on the wall. It was fantastic. [00:13:23] And then after that, he, oh, he didn't dump me. He just takes me on my birthday and said, Yeah, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Ever. Piss off? I hate you. [00:13:37] My day, he came [00:13:41] and got me money. And, [00:13:44] yeah, that was good. That was a bit of a learning curve for me because loneliness spreads this witness, you know, stuff like that. And so from there, I didn't even think about going online to find online communities in New Zealand. I was too apprehensive about it. Cuz I was nervous. I was scared. I was just like, I don't know any other gay people. What if they don't like me? What if no gay people like me, I'm going to be alone for you. But I'd much rather have lived in the fantasy than actually live in reality, which is a horrible, horrible thing to do. But I did that. And then I found a website for rainbow youth. And then on Facebook, I found this Facebook. [00:14:31] I found this [00:14:33] this group called gay teens NZ, and I'm just like, I'm a guy in New Zealand decided I liked it. And then I started to then talk, I was just like, flicking through it. And all I saw were just like, six of me and I'm a border. No, I've, I'm sexy. Everyone should fuck me. And I just I just broke my taste for it. Or just like, I hate this. I'm generally new to this whole online, queer community, x men newspaper in general. And if this is what I'm going to be introduced to for the rest of the time, I'm not gonna like it at all. And people are like, Oh, I understand. Oh, geez. So you're so good. And then I got this brand new facilitator, and he pretty much was like, hey, [00:15:16] so I hear your game. And then it was really nice from this. It was nice. I guess. It was it was nice. And he introduced me to the community. Okay, [00:15:27] so you [00:15:30] obviously now Lord. Oh, dear. [00:15:35] Yes, I'm in a relationship right now. How many [00:15:36] relationships have you been in? [00:15:42] See, it's really hard when you have to think of what the concentrated relationship Well, [00:15:47] like I said, a relationship lasts more than a month. More than a month. [00:15:51] Yeah. A lot. A relationship is a month and onwards. A flying is two weeks and onwards. Quick FUCK IS Listen, wake and one night standards one night. [00:16:03] Okay. Um, so would you consider long distance relationships into that category? Yes. Okay. So, [00:16:09] um, [00:16:10] to to relationships, I guess to relationships, relationships? Yeah. Okay. Not including, you know? [00:16:19] Sorry, would you like to give a talisman for your experience with a fling or relationship that you've had one fulfilling [00:16:28] relationship? [00:16:30] Okay, so, earlier this year, and a bit. [00:16:34] Earlier on this year, I got really sick. But before I got really sick, I thought this fellow from fielding. And he was very, very nice. But he was also very, it wasn't, he was like, Hello, he was 25. And so I didn't care cuz he was excited. And he was just like, hey, when hotel Schiller and so I snuck out the first time in my life a difficult [00:17:03] position don't like right next to my parents bedroom, that table play around them. And so they happen and then we pretty much know I have done this car. And I had a knife in my pocket just in case people said [00:17:16] I don't know. And you pretty much just drive to the reserve and make Jason this guy every once in a while. But what happened was like after the first night I made him I got really sick. Not that the first night but first night we met and stuff and talked and he said oh let's build a relationship and was like, okay, and it's all happy. And Bible really sick. And I was sick for weeks and was really bad I couldn't go to school. And what happened was after after I got better, because during the entire time I was sick I was the like I couldn't move my arm I couldn't move this out my body very much at all but I still out and you know had sex with him because [00:18:02] what do you do? [00:18:04] And I didn't he wasn't got mad. And but I actually got better and was able to go visit him and his family then he wanted me to what happened was What happened? That's right. And he told me that he broke up with me because as I was sick, I had gained too much weight and it wasn't attractive to me anymore. And I hit the other side. fuck you fuck you didn't go away. Go, go go go go go. And then I just like slid him to the side. And they know that story. [00:18:35] So um, how do you meet other people in the LGBT IQ community? Well I don't go outside my front yard Zika Hello [00:18:44] I'm pretty much I'm online does that any way I can do it cuz there's no other way except like, Oh, do you know this person? Can you give them their phone number so I can call them you can't sit there people listening to this. You can't see my hand justice. I have got a phone on my head and I'm looking at the microphone like you can hear me. Okay, sorry. [00:19:03] And what is your definition of virginity? [00:19:06] Okay. [00:19:08] virginity is not the first person he had sex with cuz even I got even though gotta go pregnant that didn't constitute dead as my virginity because I wasn't bisexual straight. [00:19:21] I constitute my virginity was the first time I had anal sex with a man. [00:19:28] Oh, male. Oh my Oh, that wasn't right. [00:19:32] Okay, and [00:19:34] have you experienced or safety abuse or piece of paper because of your sexuality or gender identity? Yeah, I [00:19:41] was walking home one day from school. car pulled up next to me full of senior boys. This was when I was 18. And they pretty much just threw bottles at me. And some of them are glass and one had me directing the him and I fell in the ground. And that sucked. [00:20:00] Thank you for the interview. [00:20:01] Oh, no problem. That's my family fun. I was talking. It's my favorite thing to do. [00:20:04] Thank you.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.