Billie - Q12

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[00:00:00] This podcast [00:00:00] is brought to you by pride indeed. And rainbow you. [00:00:06] Hello, how are you today? I'm very well thank you. What's your name? belly. That your real name? No, it's not. It's a name. I prefer the name you prefer? Yes. Yes. So can you tell us about yourself? Um, I was born in Cape Town, South Africa. I've only been in New Zealand for three years now. I plan to stay for about three more years. Because I want to get a degree a graphic design degree and from there, go to Japan and teach English for a bit. Yeah, that's it's me. sofa. So you live in Hamilton? Yes, yes. I can live in Hamilton. All the whole three years? No, I spent my first year in a bit in Auckland. And then we moved here I think maybe two years ago. And I love Hamilton. Yeah, [00:00:56] if I can awesome. Yep. Yeah. Surrounded by fools and yeah, yeah. [00:01:01] I find him quite perfect, but it's not too big. Not too small. It's just right. I seem to fit in really nice. [00:01:11] This one is too big. [00:01:13] For the fans to stop. This one's too small. It's just right. [00:01:24] Here for our true true someone so [00:01:28] you have coffee. [00:01:31] So how old are you? [00:01:33] I'm 18 Hey, nice. [00:01:35] What is your gender identity? [00:01:37] Female I'm a feminist lesbian a baby [00:01:41] so that's how you express [00:01:44] Yeah, yeah because I mean you get masculine ESPN so I think are called dates or something yeah, I'm not too sure was an offensive term but it's just something go [00:01:52] Oh, it's like Austrian people. We like to call it ourselves faggots over that ourselves quiz. But when someone else say said How dare they? Yeah. [00:02:00] Yes. You can. nega [00:02:05] nega nega [00:02:08] Okay, that was this game of yours. [00:02:16] So what is your secret? If there's been [00:02:21] When did you realize [00:02:23] from a we age, I always knew that I had some attraction to woman cuz I just I've summed it up as my appreciation for women like I've always loved being surrounded with woman I was always around beautiful woman I was brought up by a single mom. My mom is everything to me. And not only my mom like my grandma, I've never knew redhead and masculine figure in my life. And it's my life's turned up pretty. Okay, so, you know. Yeah. Yeah, [00:02:54] but um, yeah, I honestly I love woman I appreciate the more than the average person would, you know, it's it's an appreciation far beyond sexuality. It's not I'm not a lesbian, because I I appreciate woman. You know, I'm Elizabeth, because it's part of who I am. But I've always known from a young age that, you know, I was different. [00:03:17] Different. That's the name. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. [00:03:20] So as you attract, too, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, [00:03:23] let me experiment with, you know, with people, and I've always enjoyed being with woman. Yeah, you know, [00:03:37] what else do I [00:03:39] did? I [00:03:39] really say that. [00:03:43] Same thing incriminating. But yeah. [00:03:45] When did you accept that? You're, you're a lesbian? Um, did you actually have a stage where you you were denying it for a little bit, and then you accepted? Yeah, [00:03:56] well, I suppose. I could sort of say you Yes. But I never denied being attracted to woman isn't. It's not something I wasn't proud of. I was quite proud of who I am. And, you know, what, and how the can but there was a stage where I thought, because I mean, in society today, we told it being homesick was a big thing. You know, it's not a bad thing. It's not right. It's not normal. And it's there was times where, you know, I made a few guys and [00:04:26] some sort of relationship with something, but I was never really they I always felt that, you know, I was wasting my time, firstly, and they were wasting the time. You know, how do I make him think that I was hit over heels in love with him? When really I wasn't, I was just trying to, you know, fit in and find, find some sort of bearing here. But everything happening quite a young age. For me. I grew up really, really fast. So yeah. [00:04:52] So I think in today's society, people are more open about sexuality than they used to be. Yeah. [00:04:57] And I'm glad so termini, I have to hide my identity for anybody. You know, if you come up to me introduce me and say, Oh, hi. I'm so excited. And I could be like, yeah, I'm Sheena. What do you believe? In Emily's banana? I'm a proud lesbian. I love being proud. I'm proud of who I am. And we have come from, you know, everything I've done in my life. Yeah, [00:05:18] I think like five years ago, there was more toleration these days. They're like, Yay, k people. Yeah, yeah. [00:05:25] I mean, it's changed. Like, even in like back in the day to where women had many more right. Now, today, you know, women I've sort of started, you know, they stood up, stand up and standing up for the stand up for themselves. And it presented themselves as a proud feminine woman who is capable of doing so much more, you know, I wouldn't say we equal to, you know, mean, but we are capable of doing our own thing and being independent. We don't need to depend on, you know, a man. [00:05:57] So, I'm here before they have to keep your sexuality a secret from all the people. I'm, we're just very open about. [00:06:06] I'm very open about it. But I am aware that it could make some people feel uncomfortable. Like, I'm not a religious person, person, but I am quite spiritual. So I do go to churches, I can go to any holy sanction and feel at peace. But I do know that at some churches, I won't openly say that I'm a lesbian, but if I was asked, I would say you say, I'm gay men, certain people are shocked. [00:06:32] Because there's nothing they can do about it. You know, they can't pray it out of me. They can't, you know, beat it out of me can call me names and expect me to, you know, be straight after that. So yeah. [00:06:44] So, um, [00:06:47] so you're not so you never really were in the closet Weren't you [00:06:51] know, there was no closet for me to step out of [00:06:54] the closet. It's just, we're closer. [00:06:58] Imagination like because it is something we've created for ourselves and we come up. Well, we come up with a story is like, Oh, this is how it came out the closet, you know, but I never I didn't always see the need for a closet. You know, maybe the as a point in your life where you're uncertain of your sexual identity, but then you discovered after and then you just embrace it for what it is. It's not like the stepping out is not a big deal for me. I mean, I've made heaps of queer people who still would still be in the closet, but it's just that they respect their personal life and they keep their personal life private from everybody else. You go [00:07:31] to other people's closet. [00:07:34] Okay, what's new closet? [00:07:37] Comfy Couch TV. [00:07:43] On the wall. [00:07:46] No closet. What closet? Yeah, yeah, [00:07:50] the closet. I can't even fit in my closet anymore. [00:07:56] Wow. Yeah. [00:08:00] I'm too shiny to be and the Casa [00:08:03] de fabulous. Yeah. [00:08:11] So if he will come to do they come out to you. And use us. I've heard too much so far that have come out to me. And it's just amazing to see how much they've grown to and how, how they've established the identity to with, you know, coming out first and then everything else after because I mean, the people who are still work in the closet, and they feel that they have to pertain they suddenly not and I just think it's unfair, because we were granted free will. And with free will we entitled to express ourselves in whatever manner we feel need? you express yourself [00:08:55] a gavel above support system? [00:08:59] And what for myself? Yeah. Yeah, [00:09:02] well, I am my own support person, you know, I haven't [00:09:07] had the need to talk to or rely on other people. Because I mean, I've lost heaps of people in my life. And losing people from a young age sort of makes you depend on yourself, in a way. And it's not always easy, but I sort of overcome my battles, by just being me and understanding that I am the way I am. And then I can get through this, you know, without involving anybody else. Yeah, but I suppose my mom would be my support person. But our relationship after her husband has been a bit teens. So mom and I aren't as close as we were six years ago. Yeah, but I suppose innocence may be shaping my support person. [00:09:48] When six year olds, he was still toleration. Yeah, yeah. [00:09:50] Gosh, like, because my dad died when I was two years old. And all I ever had is my mom for about 12 years until she remarried. And that was insane. For me. I couldn't understand it, because I'm a very selfish person. And I didn't see why to she my mom with this man I can't tolerate you know. And, you know, it wasn't only that I couldn't personally tolerate him is that he didn't treat mom the way she she deserved to be traded. And I just was so unfair to go through [00:10:21] all that, you know, [00:10:22] and it just like, broke up our relationship and we drifted apart. But now that is sort of out of the picture. We sort of grown back together again, but there's still that friction. You know, there's missing is, yeah, yeah. That's the sort of impact on relationship at the moment. Yeah. [00:10:36] I was her reaction when you came when you told her [00:10:41] what she, she sort of understood it. But in mom's head, she thinks it's a phase. And I understand why she thinks I because she was my age and younger, she went through the same phase herself. And, you know, she's sitting down with the man who she loves. He probably thinks that in her little mind that that would happen to me, too. You know, and, I mean, I don't have to put thinking that way. You know, we we are entitled to our own opinions. And that's just mom's opinion. But she, she doesn't scrutinize me or she's not angry at me for being who I am. She's She's bought me up the way I am today. You know, expressing who I am. [00:11:21] Have you ever been in a relationship before? Yeah. [00:11:30] Tell us about your relationship. [00:11:33] Well, it was a point we I was dating guys. And all that was quite dysfunctional because it didn't end too. Well. You know, they ended up hating me because I just wasn't me. Like, I can't pretend I'm someone I know. I find it very difficult. And maybe in the beginning, I thought I did like very much. And then I came to my senses. And I thought to myself, like I don't like what am I doing wasting my time like, [00:11:58] but like with, with girls have been with, it's been quite different. Like, all my ex girlfriends, and I were friends. Which is a good thing because none of my ex boyfriends and girlfriends are they can't stay dreaming. But relationships for me personally is quite high. Because I class myself as a commitment five, like I find it really difficult to commit to someone. I think it's also because it's my my ego. And it seems to like I believe that I can do everything by myself and I'm strong and opinion woman. And that sort of interferes when you when you want to not settle down, but when you share your life with someone is not being in a relationship, because that person wants to be a part of you and you kind of grow together. But yeah, my relationships were interesting, but very long. No, I have a habit of [00:12:49] interesting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. [00:12:49] Cuz I mean, they were beautiful. And it was times when they weren't so beautiful. But [00:12:55] even. Yeah, [00:12:58] sometimes interesting isn't always a good. You know, [00:13:02] but it's sort of like, you know, like, sums up most of what it was. Yeah. [00:13:08] So I'm cautious your definition of virginity. [00:13:13] My definition of virginity will be purity. You know, like, I know, in some cases, some people's virginity is taken from them. And I believe that if it was taken from you, without your consent, that you can get it back. You know, [00:13:27] because you're still pure in your heart. [00:13:29] And if you know, but virginity for me. Like, [00:13:34] virginity was [00:13:39] something I could see a bead the sky, because it's so pure and so beautiful and out of control. You know, it's like we can't control it. And neither can we have virginity because it can keep it forever. Well, some people will try and keep it forever. But just [00:13:58] know if you believe that, you know, [00:14:00] No, they don't. But I think it's because they miss understood the whole form of virginity. You know, virginity, it's as your innocence and your purity. It was the beginning of your matter. You know, so yeah, okay. Okay. My definition of virginity is [00:14:19] straight up. [00:14:21] So how do you meet other people? [00:14:25] I'm a very outgoing person. I'm an extrovert. So I find it real easy to meet people for it's just walking down the street and saying hi to someone or, you know, sitting in Starbucks and just meeting someone random, you know, and just talking to them. Because I believe sometimes they don't, you know, we all have our down moments, and just being polite to someone and smiling at them or saying hi, sort of brightens the day and it makes like, it sort of makes me feel good to just being nice to someone for no reason. You don't have to have a reason for doing good. You know, you can just do it because you want to [00:14:56] get a thirst that Starbucks is the place to go for quick community [00:15:01] in Hamilton. Yeah, I'm not sure about anywhere else. But Hamilton definitely. After growth. We just hit off the Starbucks at the end chill. [00:15:11] Maybe we might go tonight. But we usually like sometimes we go on Wednesdays to not the Starbucks we go shoot some call the Yeah, it's, it's, it's good that we can go out there and still be together and still be a community because heaps of the time we just we find guy groups that are just, you know, out in the a little group environment. And as soon as that guy out there, just stay out. Yeah, yeah. It's like done the command. Okay. Like, pretty much right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And alive and understand that being used meeting with YouTube, I see a group member I can just like maybe like, Hey, you come in a group today. And if I would be friends, and I not out, you know, they might, I didn't want to out anyone I feel it's wrong. If you want to come out and express your sexuality, then you should do that you should be the person to do that. Nobody else. [00:16:02] So have you ever received any abuse or abusive behavior? [00:16:05] Um, no, like, I want to class it as abuse. But I do get the odd occasion we had we asked like really weird questions, especially about like, you know, in the bedroom. And yeah, honestly, like, I just walked out of wacky this once and have a quick practice really narrow. And I stopped because I saw this man. And then he stopped because he saw me and then he's like, No, no, you organize another. Now you go. And then we end up walking together. And we will do it if I think they're like, maybe close to 20 minutes. And we were just we just started talking randomly. And then it asked me I came from as a Gosh, like, group, is it? What is it as a god, it's a gay group and gay people get together and socialize and whatnot. And he's like, Oh, that's cool. And he's like, I never met a gay person before. And I was like, oh, first time for everything. And he asked me, like, what is it like being gay? And then he asked me something really silly. On the lines of gay people, straight people have the same organs. And I was like, why, besides our genitalia use, you know, we pretty much are the same. It's just how, how we love and who we love, you know, but a lot, even at schools have been bombarded with girls. But I wasn't intimidated by it. Because they asked me all these questions. And I know that they may not ever find another gay person who's as open as I am to actually answer the questions, because they could come up with all sorts of assumptions and make fun of queer people. We were not here. We're not here as a joke. You know, and I think [00:17:35] I don't know that people are definitely but I think like open minded queer people and extroverts, we should actually be open enough to talk about our sexuality and our community. Because there's a whole other world out there. And they don't know much about us. And I'm, it's good to just kind of get it out and answer these silly questions. And if you like the time, so I felt really comfortable. And I just say, you know what, I don't feel too comfortable answering this. But if you have another question, just like show naspers. Yes. [00:18:02] Thank you for the interview. Oh, you're welcome. Anytime.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.