Benji Watt - Q12

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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride and dead and rainbow. [00:00:06] So I'm really excited now because Benji has just walked in. We're now in Wellington. And Benji is just about to complete. q 12. The tour in 2012. And Benji, what is cute off the tour? [00:00:21] Cute? Well, first of all, how can I say this Keith alpha tour as a tour was a project where I go around the North Island. And if you're in all the LGBT IQ communities about realization, coming out, relationships, socializing, bringing up stories, etc, etc, etc. And it's about finding those voices that wanted to be speaking and spoken out. And also it also helps for research as well. [00:00:55] So when you say around the North Island, what seemed has to do visit [00:01:00] I started off in Wellington for Hawaii, and then I went back to Auckland. With fast we had the pre project for Q 12. Before 2012 became and then I went to Hamilton Rotorua. [00:01:18] New Plymouth. [00:01:20] One annoyed my son, Tommy and building as well on the side trip. [00:01:28] Where else and also Nivea. And now I'm back in Wellington, [00:01:32] intimate time, how many people did you speak to? [00:01:34] I think I was counting on my way here. I think it was like [00:01:39] it was 27 males 917 females. And I think there was a few of them that were transgender, [00:01:52] that amount of people. I mean, that must be quite a rare event to actually go and be able to talk to 50 young people about being pulled up to die in New Zealand in 2012. How easy was it to find that many people? [00:02:08] Well, all the other most of it depends on the centers, actually. Because some centers like like pommie was quite easy. There's they've just had lots of friends and family and they're like, Oh, yeah, they want to get their voices heard and Whoo. And like some other, some others weren't. Because they don't have they don't have a group or they the groups is breaking down slowly because there's a new brick group, but they haven't been taught leadership, how to sustain a group and some places. [00:02:47] The very conservative, I think it's cool, it comes of the communities are very conservative and not very open to the idea of sexuality. [00:02:55] So I had to do make initial contact with people. [00:03:00] Facebook was a big help I got Ramer used to help me a launch, like nice, like got me in touch with some people and Wellington for the holy. And then I saw, like adding people on Facebook and adding groups on Facebook. And eventually the word got out there. Hey, who 12 is coming to this place. effect. I'm annoyed closet space for one annoy the person who facilitates their made it a big deal on the Facebook page like wow, he's well he's coming to annoy, you must come to this group this week, because there's a sort of amazing like, wow, [00:03:39] that must be quite neat to have that level of kind of enthusiasm. [00:03:42] Yeah, I felt like a rock star. [00:03:45] I did not expect it whatsoever. I didn't expect me to get so many, like 14 interviews and power me. And like Steven interviews on one noise. So it was amazing. [00:03:58] What kind of age range? Were you interviewing? [00:04:01] A chain? My age Ray, I put around for 18 to 27, generally. [00:04:07] And the majority of people were did they kind of form it [00:04:12] 20, the early 20s. That their early 20s. The very social so they really, you know, however, I did got a lot of 18 year olds as well. [00:04:24] How did [00:04:24] you find talking to people in that age group? Because you're What about 20? Now as well. So you're basically doing kind of peer to peer interviewing? [00:04:32] Well, it was quite easy, really. Because I'm a very people person I talked to everybody. I wasn't really much of a difficulty. I mean, the occasional person that didn't like to talk and I practically hit the beach the answers out of him. And my kept on asking, asking Oh, yeah, it was I think you hit on asking extra questions. So I can talk. So I can like extend the interviews to what I felt like was a good time for an interview. But for me, it was actually a good. I was quite, it was quite easy for me to actually talk to people. [00:05:10] You mentioned the term LG BCI. And I'm wondering, was there much difference around the North Island in terms of how people identify themselves? Because something they could use the term queer. Okay. How was it? How did you find that? [00:05:26] It was quite interesting, because they were quite, they were quite happy about identifying themselves as queer. And I've heard like the one of the interviews, there was someone who was Demi sexual. And they said that Jimmy sexual is kind of like, it's kind of like a sexual in a way, but it's not at the same time, like Demi sexual is you won't have sex with someone until you feel like you have made a strong emotional bond with them. So to go over that boundary of having sexual connection was them, which could be either post marriage or not. [00:06:09] And they were quite open about how they identify themselves and the sexuality kind of way. But at the same time, they don't like to be putting the label on themselves. [00:06:24] What do you think has been the hardest part of doing the tour, [00:06:28] sleeping? [00:06:32] It's very tiring. It goes some, my my main job of the tour was actually getting the name out there and like hanging out with the groups and the people around them. So sometimes, I'd wake up at six in the morning, just to plan out schedule my day, get some interviews done, people showing me around this place, and then get more interviews done and then go back home late at night and do some editing and probably won't get go sleep till 12 o'clock. [00:07:06] So I was fair, that's probably the hardest thing for me [00:07:10] in terms of the amount of time it took and what you will actually doing on the tour. Is it what you expected it would be? [00:07:18] No, no. I didn't expect I didn't expect it to be so tiring. But I actually loved every minute of it. I love I love to traveling as well, because I've haven't actually, I've never traveled around New Zealand like this before. And I've never seen so much scenery before. So they always say that you see on such a beautiful country. But I never actually expected that it was this beautiful, especially going on the buses and unexpected thing. Like I said, I didn't expect that being tiring. But I guess that comes with the program. Really? You need if you're tired, that means you've been working hard. So yeah. [00:08:00] You say that? It was you know, physically demanding physically tiring? What about psychologically tiring on thinking that if you were talking with 50 people and almost taking on board these stories, what was that like? [00:08:13] Funny enough, it was actually quite easy for me. I don't I was expecting it would actually be emotionally tiring. But I had love support. So it was a problem for me. Like I always had people there just in case like I had my abuse chaplain Lisa, Mum, my adopted dad and my boyfriend as well if I ever wanted to, you know, talk on Facebook. But I never came to the point when I went oh my god I'm stressed because I'm listening to everybody else while that may cause playing But no, I was all fine and happy and I was excited being around new people every day [00:08:55] with any kind of reoccurring issues that came up in the interviews kind of independently of kind of what you were asking Did you notice any kind of themes coming up? [00:09:04] Actually yes, I think the biggest thing I've actually learned was was actually in my last question when I I actually awesome dude Have you ever experienced or received any abuse will be something heavy because your gender identity or sexuality and [00:09:23] majority like the practically said [00:09:28] on average they say that they've gone a lot of verbal abuse and they and the people who have been physically abused say that they admit that the physical abuse affected them more than the physical abuse and it actually painted a picture there [00:09:50] that physically affects you more than upon sure being big enough. Because I guess [00:10:01] emotions is more of a emotions or the more and the mind has that she is more of their life in the faces on the outside kind of thing [00:10:13] with it any other surprises [00:10:17] there was always a surprise, but I don't know. And when taunted me sexual those are the surprise for me but I'm think when I was in New Plymouth I did an interview that lasted 38 minutes there were when I realized that I think that was the biggest surprise. Yeah, I think another surprise was an Pani. I was interviewing a guy and [00:10:43] they were he will do some when I asked that question, some people he told me that some people were actually outside his garage door months banging on the door just because they knew that two gay people lived in that house. And then they went away and came back with more people to do that. [00:11:04] Yeah. [00:11:06] I think that was the biggest surprise [00:11:09] What about funny moments? [00:11:11] Oh, there's plenty of funny moments. I I have a very a very Barbara Fleiss. That's my personality I'm very often fly. So in that same my emotions at times. But when I'm very when I'm having funny moments, I have funny moments, especially with one of the interviews and Hamilton. It was nice hilarious into ever because here this, we went off start talking about how which Lady Gaga collaborate with 30 Seconds to Mars. admit [00:11:48] I think I haven't said singing closest to the age of glory. [00:11:53] There's a new song. [00:11:56] So you've actually sent me your question list. I was wondering, would you? Would you like me to ask you the same questions? [00:12:08] Go ahead. [00:12:09] Well, I might skip the first one, which was Hello, how are you today? [00:12:13] How are you today? [00:12:14] I'm tired. I'm actually good. I'm glad that I'm happy that I'm very excited for the tour. I'm very excited. That's almost over at the same time. But I'm excited about the outcome. What's going to come after the tour? [00:12:31] Could you tell me a little bit about yourself. [00:12:35] I'm a fun bubbly person. Like I said before, my but everywhere so as my emotions but in a good way. [00:12:46] I'm a happy face and I'm very outgoing first and I used to. I've lived in [00:12:53] New Zealand, the whole of my life Born and bred there and raised and [00:13:03] always forget how people always answer this question. So I say the same thing. What would you like to know? Um, yeah, I'm into pop rock type music. [00:13:17] I used to go to radio School and graduated which is got this is how I got my experience with doing the whole q 12. The tour and I'm currently working at suck theatre and I'm loving it next year we're going to at for Vince management's Bachelor of its management's which is the three core so yeah. [00:13:40] What gene Did you identify with? [00:13:42] Male but I yeah, my [00:13:46] in sexuality, [00:13:47] gay, very fabulously guy. [00:13:52] Interesting question that you've written down here. How do you express yourself? [00:13:56] Um, there is a reason why I brought that down. When I was at the boy, it's actually opened my eyes because this thing how there's a chart they've wrote draw a chat for us how six gender identity sexuality and expression is completely different things. But at the same time, they all work around each other and create a picture for yourself. And it tells you how, what you are and what kind of why. But a lot of people when I actually asked that question people, the very hesitant of ask answering it, but at the same time they weren't. Because when that a couple of people thought that I was asking them to label themselves and I was like, which is probably one thing. I should have explained a bit more before I answer the interview. But yeah, for me how I express myself. [00:14:52] With a couple like last year, I used to be a transvestite which is, again, it could be straight or gay person dressed up and go close with and wear makeup or no makeup. But not in a drag queen type way. Yeah, but um, I guess I'm in between between masculine and feminine. I'm like, my, my door. I've actually opened the door, but I haven't had to work for a year. My mom is for the day, but not really. kind of thing. Yeah. So you're an open door. Open Door. [00:15:28] That's my that's how I express myself and open door. [00:15:33] So when did you realize you again? [00:15:36] magical moment? [00:15:42] I guess. Um, I realized that when I was Ah, because I I guess I went through puberty quite young as a child or something. I saw again, your reactions at the age of age. And so I started having feelings for people for budge. I went for a big denial phase that lasted about [00:16:09] I can't remember remember, about seven, eight years before accepting it. But um, yeah, I realize especially when [00:16:22] it was like this one, go and class. Eddie was like, Wow, she's amazing. And like, I used to lie to myself to say that, but and secret I was I had a big crush on my best friend. However, I kind of kept. I kept on bettering myself, which is quite unheard of, really, because I was at the age of eight. It was like, 1998 19. [00:16:53] No, even before that, 2008 2000, 2000 2001 2000 [00:16:59] Yeah. Which is like, before we had civil union, which was in 2004. So um, yeah, I went for a big denial period. And [00:17:12] when I turned 13, I was like, I must be by because I was still lying to myself, I have to be attracted to girls because everybody else's until this one time when I was experimenting with my friends, [00:17:26] as you do [00:17:28] so at the age of 14, what was going through your head in terms of your thinking that you might be bisexual? [00:17:35] Well, I definitely knew I had attraction to guys and like, but I just can't accept myself for being gay at that point. Because I still, I kept on telling my I kept lying to myself, I have to be strong, I have to be have attraction to girls, because this is the normal thing to do. As I fought and went to like a very homophobic school, and I keep it a secret to myself where, because they used to be beaten, gay people used to be beaten up and ridiculed. And all the gay people just kept it to themselves and stuff. And but yeah, that was in high school and Intermediate School was still I was still learning about sexuality. So, uh, no, I just watch. I don't know, I could be that. Yeah, mass and high schools like I'm by I can't be gay yet to have something like that. [00:18:30] So what kind of abuse would gay people get around 2016 the kind of language [00:18:37] Well, um, I went to with like, Boys High School, and not scared of saying that name. Because at that time, [00:18:48] was like Boys High School had the reputation of being high my health and saying that everybody that comes out there as gay and the that's from all the other schools tying back to them. And the best school a this the students code fair, that's cool was to be a homophobic to try get rid of that reputation. So they're incredibly homophobic, like, not not the teachers or anything like that. However, I found out recently, the teachers that school does not allow any diversity groups, because they said about, that's where all the gay kids will hang out, and people will start being mean to them and like, we don't allow religious groups either. Because of the same reason, and I found out Legal Aid and all that to do that. So yeah, anyway, um, but yeah, they use, they used to, like, throw stuff at the gay kids and stuff like that. The teachers always supported sexuality. Especially, because knows the hot seat, and all the guys was staring at her ass. And I'll see anyone doing the work. And she was like, and he went out to me and won that once and said, Ben, you're gay, aren't you? As like? [00:20:20] I'm not entirely sure yet. How would you know, as you said, while the others are staring it to my ass? You're the only one that's actually gotten a mirror to my class. [00:20:32] Yeah. [00:20:34] And so when somebody actually kind of much of the words confronts you was without saying, You're gay, aren't you? What does that do to you? [00:20:45] Immediately, you put up your own, your own psychological protective barrier type thing, and you go like, what the fuck? [00:20:56] But, of course, that's my teacher. And she this and I knew that there's confidentiality over blah, blah, blah. And Roger said to say, yes, kind of thing. But I wasn't at that time. I still wasn't sure. So I said, I wasn't sure. [00:21:13] So when did you become Sure? [00:21:16] Well, everyone else event, my coming out story is when I became sure was when I came out, which is next question, as I remember, by coming out story was quite interesting. When I thousand and eight, I came out to my mother through a text message saying that I was by because my sister have manipulated me in doing so. Which got the old way. But I kind of had a plan. Like, because exactly on the same day, a year later, I saw [00:21:54] I didn't actually realize but I'll set she's saying to people that I'm gay, and I don't actually realize and all I came to my mother, when she came to me is like, you've been telling people that you're gay, are you gay is like he's like, I am gay. And then that's when I actually clicked that I was actually guy. [00:22:12] It was interesting. It was interesting, because when I actually realized that I was gay and accepted, which was the same moment where I actually came out to my mother. So [00:22:26] and what happened? [00:22:28] Well, she took three months to like, go, Oh, my God, my mom, my son's gay. And she was she had to get used to the fact that her son's gonna start wearing makeup now. But after three months, just fine with us. [00:22:42] She's super supportive. Like, I've got my adopted dad, who's like my father figure type thing. He's, he's gay. And he lives in my garage. We like recreated the Gareth token that she lived in there. And my mom has a T shirt that size. I love my guy. So and on the back has a rainbow flag. [00:23:03] just rewind a wee bit. So you're saying that you've got an adoptive dad who lives in your Gareth [00:23:10] couple of his I met him at, during when I was in radio, school. And he he's he's like 45, and he became a father figure because my, my biological dad and my mom got divorced when I was like around five, and my dad listen Sunday, so I and even though my biological dad was there into a 16 I didn't have a father figure in my life. [00:23:39] Throughout and I conference ended my dad for a while I kind of [00:23:45] know but I know why I could say that I actually hated him for but and then I think recently I can't gotten over that. But mainly mainly it's because he's now in a different side world. He's he lives in Sydney now. He's traveling Athens, I think, Europe or something like that. And I kind of had to accept it. I accepted that and that's who he is and stuff like that. Anyway, um, so [00:24:14] main cow got closer, and he just became the father figure of my life. And eventually [00:24:24] he needed slices day and I said, Hey, Mom. Well, he meant mom a couple times and said, well county suffice to say, Can we put in garage because he he loves living garbage characters because it's like his own places like his own home. Sorry, rebuild the garage into a rumpus room cut tight family lives in there. [00:24:45] What was the reaction like from other people, maybe the extended family and friends to coming out. [00:24:52] I funny story, my brother. Before I came out to him, he was quite homophobic. But I Dells, I'm trying to connect with me in a way to try be funny because that's his way of doing things. He wanted to be funny, and connect with me. And then I came out, and he said, I just as long I don't care if you if you're gay, straight bi, male, female, if you fight for labor, very much of a national photo. If you fight for neighbor, labor, labor, green or anything like that, just as long as you don't play Xbox, you're still my brother [00:25:34] is very anti Xbox. [00:25:37] Um, [00:25:39] my sister. [00:25:42] She, her reaction was like, Okay, another black sheep in the family. And I was like, Yeah, right. I'm with the rainbow one. I'm more brighter than you. And my grandparents. [00:25:56] I took me two years, I think two years could be two years. I took me a year for me to after I came out to actually come out to them, which was because I was very scared to tell tell them, but [00:26:13] I even I actually said, Okay, I don't want to tell them my mother. I want to tell them you have to tell them. And she did for me and [00:26:21] and I was quite funny. Mom said I got some. I wasn't there. But she's she told me saying I've got something to tell you. And she said Watkins gay is like, Yes, he is always knowing that [00:26:38] was quite funny. [00:26:40] I still, I think the realize that they've accepted it. But occasionally they get uncomfortable but because like I've already made one of my boyfriend's. And he was a very touchy feely type guy. He gets on touching my hair, like grooming me and stuff like that. And my grandparents see it. I say to mom behind my back. So [00:27:03] he just kicked him. He kept his head so himself. Which I found it quite funny. [00:27:11] My cousins, I don't know. I know. They've soon so yeah. And my friends, we are face came out to my friends they fought the this is a genuine reaction back in 2009. When I 2010 when I was coming out the genuine reaction was if you come out for a text message, they think that it was just being on his phone. And then I was quite funny, because then they then they came to me and said Oh, before Fs before was there, but then more people started talking about and then people just started realize that you're actually get. I was like, Yes. [00:28:00] But they accepted us. And I think the biggest thing was is that one of my friends was very religious and very homophobic. And he said, and the biggest thing was we didn't talk we don't talk much now, but it was kind of like a big on my god moment. So he came to me and said, Hi, we found I found it that you're kind of well, nice. You're out now and you're true to yourself be true to everybody else. Which to me, I that was him accepting us. So yeah. [00:28:35] And how did it change you? [00:28:38] Well, before I came out, I was very hesitant myself I I had scruffy clothes I looked I was very chubby and I didn't have I I guess I was still finding myself in a way and well after I change after I came out of the closet. I just started myself up for this came out of the closet with good style. Changed my hair straightener practically every day and I was glamorous. Every footstep I took I got to trial was following. I guess any nice I gain camper. Because I that's at the time I thought that was how I supposed to be but then I become me. So yeah. [00:29:27] Do you [00:29:27] think it's easier now with so much kind of queasiness in kind of media and people quite openly talking about you know, gay, lesbian, transgender. [00:29:38] Amongst, [00:29:38] you know, friends and workmates is easy now to come out do you think? [00:29:43] Well, I don't know. [00:29:45] I wasn't very involved. A lot of it's quite strange, because I wasn't very involved with the gay community at all until 2000. At like 2010 when I first when Serbia in October 2010. And then, and then I started going to groups until then, so I don't really I don't know if I can actually answer that question. Because people [00:30:12] I've noticed when I was on tour, a lot of people even when they're not even out there evolve the gay community. And which made it easy for them. I guess. I guess these days, it is easier to come out than it was back when I was because I had no knowledge of the gay community at all. So now it's more bit more open these days. [00:30:38] Yeah. What prompted you to go to somebody like rainbow youth, [00:30:42] a friend on Beaver. beaver was the big thing in 2009, 2010. [00:30:49] And then Facebook came along. But song was like, it was a friend on Bebo, I think it was some random was like, come on, I need to take you to Rambo. It wasn't even a group or anything. It was a into the drop in center. So I can, you know, say like, Hi, and then La da da da da, da da, Kathleen, and you [00:31:10] had your experienced kind of an environment where there were just lots of gay people before. [00:31:17] You know, it was the big. When I first went into LGBT group, it was like, it was like, Hey, I know you. I know you. I don't know the rest of you. I was like, well, well, but this was when we're in a coffee shop. So it was a little bit more open and everything like that. But which has changed now everything's more, they have their own center will not their own center, but they have a little venue for themselves. But [00:31:48] I've never, I think it should become a shock for me. I just fit right on. So yeah. [00:31:55] Can you [00:31:55] recall how you felt just walking in there for the first time. [00:32:02] Um, I mean, I've seen walking in, I was very nervous going into like, the drop in center for the first time. Because I used to like go like walking up and down k road. It's like, Oh, I won't go in there. But I can't. So this bugger off somewhere else. And then so on the slide practically pushed me for those all so I was very scared. But now but then when I got for I was putting in so yeah, it says the psychological door that I can get for [00:32:33] what do you think? organizations like rainbow youth? What What value do they have for older PGI youth [00:32:43] have big value because I guess about rainbow youth, we wouldn't have a way to connect with each other. And I guess that's one thing that will and the rest of my history women much older because we forget about how we came together, how I came together with a group of the gay community and that was what friendlier. And Randy was actually great value because they do bring the gay community together or the young gay community together. It's like the introduction into the gay community. [00:33:23] I find it quite interesting. When you're talking before about your adoptive dad, and how does that kind of intergenerational thing going on? And I wonder? I mean, as them you know, in your experience, has there been much of it, we're, you know, you've actually interacted with across generations in the queer community? [00:33:42] Well, he was my adoptive dad was the first step into the meeting, older, meeting older people who are more mature than me to actually talk about what happened and like, pre law reform was there on the ground and stuff like that. And that kind of after making cow, I was more of a big eye opener, because I was trying to learn more things about gay history, because I was like, I was clueless about the gay history into a MiG towel. And well, things kept on. [00:34:20] I kept on like, learning about things that happened in the past. And yeah, and I think it's good to, because he was a became a good mentor for me, as well as a father figure. [00:34:36] Speaking of relationships, I'm moving on to the next questions on your list. [00:34:41] And I [00:34:42] was just wondering, the next question you have [00:34:45] is all about relationships. And I'm wondering, you know, have you ever been in a relationship before and in When was that? [00:34:55] I've been in many relationships [00:35:00] is the thing. license for I've actually had to reword the question from how many relationships you've been in and how many things with your fan because a lot of people kept on changing, kept on having different opinions and relationships. And when I change the question, everybody agreed vote. So not actually it was unanimous how I actually changed Christians. And I agreed with me how there's a difference between a relationship where it's fully serious and discipline, which flying would probably be missed in the month and a relationship was fully over a month. So I guess when it comes to flings [00:35:44] thing and [00:35:50] I 1312 links, and I've been in for relationships. Yeah. My longest relationship was six months, on and off, which was like, it was like, on and off and then there was a full [00:36:06] another into relationships were like four months, one of them was on not one was completely four months. And one another one was like two months, I think. And then the rest were like flings. [00:36:19] I would for a lot of relationships I've had, I used to be a sex addict. When I was when I first came out. I i attracted to the gay community like Mitchell, and magnet. And I guess also, I didn't actually know what love was until I dated someone. I think that lasted a month or so. And what she broke up with me. And I was devastated. And there was, I guess, my face depth on beginning becoming a mature person. Having my heart broken for the first time kind of thing. And then I guess, I mean, like this year, I've tried dating, like, last year, I tried dating, like 10 people. And before that was like, for this year, I've only dated try to date two people. But that only lasted four weeks. So yeah, and I'm an accountant. I'm in the relationship right now. That's the third week. So nothing serious. But you know, yeah. But, um, [00:37:24] yeah. I wonder if that whole thing of, you know, when you come out, you just kind of, well, for some people, they just really hit the scene and really seek out a lot of partners. And I mean, it happens both at a young age and also when people come out or an older age. Do you think that's something to do with just kind of [00:37:46] these kind of pent up feelings suddenly being allowed to exist? [00:37:51] I think more it's, it could be but I think my thoughts is I think people are trying to find themselves in a way of trying to find what love is trying to find what type of the gay community even though it's small, it's actually big there's so much variety like this [00:38:13] the gay community is very like and categories which is quite funny because even though it's so small, we're big enough to actually go against each other which someone told me once saying that the gay community got their rights to be who they are these days they near anything [00:38:34] these days before the marriage thing went to Parliament they're fighting against each other because they can't find anything to unify each other worth. And so there anything they could fight as each other but [00:38:52] I think it's because people are fine but finding myself of themselves like for myself I that's how I did it. It's because that's what I think it is, is because I was trying to find myself and it was more like I didn't until recently this year, that's when I became I became properly mature and I've actually found myself I know what I want I know Yeah. [00:39:22] You've mentioned relationships being more than a month flings being around listener month are the things are the things that are the names for things that I kind of list them you know, like a week [00:39:36] a quick fuck [00:39:40] no, I think that's a very short flame. [00:39:44] But I think I think [00:39:48] a lot of people have a lot of people have different ideas while relationship and flingers however that's very close together that unit that there is such thing as flings and relationships there Yeah, but the time differences but different I there was like there was a YouTube video saying how to break up with someone and [00:40:13] they he said that if you're breaking up with them within the week, it will be okay to send a text message efforts over awake it's okay to give them a call. If it's over a month, you need to do it in person or you break your heart and you become an asshole. Yeah. [00:40:30] How are [00:40:31] you meeting people? What are the ways of meeting people nowadays? I'm [00:40:37] big way is into day manhunt grab a grinder [00:40:41] will will just just go big. So NZ D is what? [00:40:44] He's in dating calm. manhunt dating. com or.net. [00:40:50] And this iPhone, [00:40:53] I pod touch at thing or Android called Grindr, which is the biggest thing, because it's like, the closest person to you. And he finds you. Like it brings up like, it doesn't bring up Google Maps. But it goes with Google Maps like the GPS car thing, and it locates the closest person to you, but doesn't tell you you where they are. But yeah, its closest person. Yeah. Also, meeting a lot of people, I've met a lot of people in person for friends. And Facebook helps a lot, especially with the tours Facebook. [00:41:29] So with something like Grindr, you could then say, like visiting the movies or whatever, and it would tell you who's in the room? [00:41:36] Not necessarily because they have what they would have to have grinder as well. And you need to have a chance to use it. So if the grinder is on and your grinder is on, then yes, then it will come up with like saying, You're this person is three meters away or something like that. [00:41:55] And it's free for coffee. [00:41:58] Well, it comes up. Well, everybody ever profile is different. There's like some people say isn't any say, which is no strings attached? It's mainly a hookup site more than anything else. But not, not really. Some some people actually taken and just looking for friends. So yeah, [00:42:19] so you've got any say, what are some of the other [00:42:24] acronyms? [00:42:27] I'm like for men have they have a whole lists? I can't even remember most of them. Because it's a big list. Like [00:42:39] predicates how sighs every single sexual sexual thing that you can imagine that as a tick box or anything like that. [00:42:47] So what's the most people you've encountered on Grindr? Like, what kind of movies [00:42:53] I haven't actually really went to have been to actually look for Grindr. But however, I want to try one day this I actually do want to try one day go to the big guy out and to know my grind. [00:43:04] See how many people were so close together? But yeah, but I haven't actually. [00:43:11] Oh, the most actually, the most, I can actually say is that family gay bars birthday. I think it was like four people in one room that had the grinder on at the same time. Right? Yeah. [00:43:26] Coming to the next question on your list of questions that you were actually asking people on the tour? And I'm not sure if it would be a question that I would have ever thought of kind of asking, which was, you know, what's your definition of virginity? And I'm wondering how you came up with that question and kind of [00:43:43] the responses but also what your response would be, [00:43:46] but generally, everybody has a different opinion on it. And it's something about six and I think I can't go I me personally, I felt too uncomfortable to ask him about what type of six they were into or stuff like that. So the next best thing was asked him knew the personal opinion on the judiciary and well, there was so many responses that everything always started off every guaranteed every single interview he started off was like [00:44:24] exactly like that. I don't know I haven't thought about it before Well, there was this free that did that but um [00:44:32] a lot of reactions were like purity [00:44:38] about being pure a lot of people sayings fitness type Found Love is not necessarily a sexual thing. Some people say it's emotional thing some fake for the physical thing some people as a religious thing. I think my favorite reaction up reaction and so was [00:44:57] one of them, which is my favorite interview was [00:45:01] when someone was talking about virginity how virgin she was, was really something back in the olden days where it was a lot of value to a female when they [00:45:15] because the virgin was a big thing. Like and like specially I know sex before marriage type thing. But and he fought their speech and she doesn't have any value these days. Which I disagree because I think my pistol opinion of virginity. I think there's not. virginity is hard to define. Because I think there's more than one definition of urgency I think this completely a lot of meanings to energy. I do agree with the fact that the first time you fall in love, you can lose your virginity. There is sexual for dementia when you first first I had six and is also the random virginity is like the first time I went to a lady gaga concert Catholic. I lost my Gaga she got it. So yeah, that's my definition. It's the three definition my three definitions random face on the phone loud faced on you have six and it's penetration of six not probably Yeah. [00:46:16] And then getting from that question on your list to the next question, which is about [00:46:24] being abused, you know, have you been abused in any way whether it's physical, mental, sexual? [00:46:30] How did people respond to that? [00:46:32] Well, I've abused as as the last one because it's the most difficult question throughout the whole thing. A few people [00:46:43] had problems what they told told such a cult like after the interview and there was one and specific Lee one broke down in tears right afterwards which [00:46:57] which was fine later, but luckily, not during the interview. But a lot of a lot of people were okay was answering because I want because even though I had to tell the tell them it was more of like it was the past is not happening anymore kind of thing. Yeah. [00:47:16] And how would you answer that question? For me? [00:47:21] I'm never was really physically abused. I was thought I've never really was marginally abused when it comes to that either. I mean, there was always the people that try to scream out faggot and stuff like that. I was like, here I am. Well done. Well done. [00:47:38] But I never really was abused. [00:47:42] Now at the end of the North Island tour, and after doing 47 interviews, which is just amazing. And three more to come so 50 all up what are your thoughts? I mean, how do you think that when [00:47:56] I think it was amazing, as tired, the amazing I loved every second of I'm still very I'm glad it's over but I'm not at the same time. Because it was a fun tour meeting so many people. And I wish I could actually do it again. I probably will do is let's do one big holiday is traveling all around the North Island. But yeah, that's that's really my thoughts on it.

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