David and Rae

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride in zero.com. [00:00:05] how young were you when you first realized you liked other guys? [00:00:10] It wasn't clear to me until you know, puberty [00:00:14] once I hit pure videos, yeah. [00:00:20] But it was a dream that made me start to realize it. It was, um, it was my principal when I was in middle school, I had [00:00:30] kind of a [00:00:32] I had a dream with him in it. And it when I woke up, I was like, at first I didn't really think anything of it because I didn't really know what it was. I grew up in a very, [00:00:43] and a Southern Baptist, or fundamentally Baptist community. And they don't really talk about that. And when they do, it's, it's nothing good. So um, that's when I started to really notice whenever pastor would preach about homosexuality, that's when it really be hard to really pay attention to it. I didn't really understand but then I started to that was [00:01:12] that was really weird. When did your family find out? [00:01:17] They didn't find out until I was in first or second year of high school. But I'm [00:01:26] only one knew. And he was my cousin. And he only found out that I was gay. Because he told me he was gay first. So I remember we were watching American Idol. And he just turned spins like David. I was like, Yes. I like guys. I was like, that's cool. He's like, really you you'd said to me? I said, Yes. It's like, okay, he turns the TV. He says, that guy's hot too. And I was, [00:01:57] I kept [00:02:02] my identity to myself for two years before that. So I knew what it felt like to just not tell anyone having no support. So [00:02:14] it took me a week, a week, exactly week after when the next time you watch American Idol for me to tell him. And I remember his reaction. He just got ecstatic. And he started jumping on the back [00:02:24] don't like you're gay to your gay to do. So. [00:02:27] Yeah. That was [00:02:30] so and then. Just, I told my parents, I think, I think oh, no, it was the beginning of sophomore year of high school. I first told my dad, and I remember thinking that my dad would react badly. And my mother, my mom would be accepting about it. But it was the exact opposite. But I think it's because my dad was prepared. Because he always kind of thought are suspected. And my mom it just blindside my mom. My mom did the whole Bible thumping. Like homosexuality says thing you can go to hell. Don't be gay. Definitely. And [00:03:15] my dad was nice about it. [00:03:18] And but he believes it's wrong. But [00:03:25] you know, he will tolerate it. That's, that's his stance on it. And my, the rest of my family just found out gradually. I never told them because these found out somehow. I don't know how I still to this day Don't know how they found out. So yeah, [00:03:40] that's it. Um, how involved are you with the gay community now? Not very much. [00:03:48] Um, [00:03:50] I have gay friends. But we're not really a part of a community like, [00:03:58] like, you know, like a huge gay community in a city. We're not really a part of that. So I just have gay friends, but I don't consider myself you know, like, in community. [00:04:11] I don't go to gay bars. I don't go to gay clubs. I don't really. [00:04:18] I don't think I've experienced the whole gay lifestyle and gay culture. [00:04:23] Which like to [00:04:25] Yes, yes. But um, I hear things from other people. Other people who have experienced the lights, that culture. And [00:04:39] they say it's fine, but they don't really have good things to say about other gay people. [00:04:46] Like, they can be a little caddy there. They can be superficial. It's It's not good for someone. Like I'm [00:04:59] not explained it. [00:05:04] So you've heard enough. Negative? [00:05:07] Yeah, there's a lot of negative not not about the whole community. But there's, there's enough negative [00:05:16] comments about them. That just make me a little wary. I do want to experiments. I mean, how can I know? But I just, I'll be a little wary when I do. [00:05:27] I think that's wise. [00:05:30] This is a new thing to experience. [00:05:33] So how about you? How, when did you realize you're gay? [00:05:38] Um, I think I was around four or five. I was born in San Diego. But I did grow up in New Zealand. My earliest memories were actually that in New Zealand. And I remember, we were shirtless. It's a little kids and [00:05:56] I don't know I was never into girls. I've I always found the male body more attractive. [00:06:05] I didn't come out to my parents until much later in life, though. [00:06:10] But when I did come out to my friends, it turned out it was kind of obvious. [00:06:16] I they kind of saw it coming. [00:06:18] Probably because I've never been interested in girls. They never seen me with another girl. Never had girlfriends. And then I was always with other guys, and especially in sports. And [00:06:34] I met my childhood sweetheart, Jorge, and in high school. [00:06:40] And we eventually they get married. And we still love each other have seven years now. How long [00:06:47] are you dating? [00:06:49] We actually never went on a date. You always just hung out with each other and kind of do. We [00:06:57] were very compatible, [00:06:58] say just skip the whole day tomorrow and just said, hey, let's get married. [00:07:03] Basically, we [00:07:06] unless you consider every time we hung out as a date, because we always did things together. And there was a third guy Pat, he ended up being by and we were skateboard together go sketching [00:07:21] which is where you hold onto the back of a vehicle and skateboard for faster speeds. I recommend is not safe. Yeah, [00:07:30] I would never do that. Sorry. [00:07:32] Yeah, it sounds dangerous. Too much. [00:07:35] Fun. [00:07:36] So when did you come? How did your family react to you coming out, um, [00:07:42] my New Zealand members contacted a few of them did contact me back and said that they were supportive and accepting. And the and basically my entire American family, American Indian side of the family. [00:07:58] We're also accepting set for my grandparents who were like to, you know, the traditional old school. And they still won't accept that. [00:08:10] When I told my parents that I was going to manage Jorge, I first told my mom, and she, she took it well, then I, you know, went to the bedroom and told my dad. And as soon as I said, I'm a dad, I'm getting married, the first thing came out of his mouth was why. And then [00:08:36] I thought he was going to say who was so I said, Jorge, and then create an awkward moment. [00:08:42] But he was, he did come around, and there are also Christian people, but the very open minded Christian. And they realize, you know, we're not doing harm to community where we really love each other, we're very loyal to each other, and dedicated to making it work. We both put forth effort and we, we don't go to bed angry is one of our things. So if we're, if we're fighting, if we're angry, then we talk it out, you know, we try to sympathize get on the same page. And that's worked really well for our relationship. [00:09:20] We don't argue with pretty much a very similar mindset. So [00:09:26] think though, your your parents are very much true Christians. In a sense, the words and true Christians are bigots. [00:09:33] Yes. And they're very much into love this message of love. So it's, it works. So my parents are very accepting that way. It's really good. [00:09:47] So do you have any siblings? [00:09:50] Yes, I have a younger sister. She's straight. Um, how does she taken [00:09:55] your coming out? [00:09:56] Actually, she knew before everyone else because we did grow up together very. We grew up in very harsh neighborhood. So it made our bond closer, because I'm always defending her, I would fight off people who would hurt her. And we got closer because of that. So when I when I told her, she always knew [00:10:20] she was very accepting. [00:10:24] It was good. [00:10:26] I had two older sisters and [00:10:31] my other my oldest one was in Sacramento, and I told her first and she was very accepting of it. But I didn't actually get a chance to tell my second sister. Because, um, I remember when I, one of the times my dad and I are talking about it, it was like, [00:10:48] a day or so after when I first told him. He, I told him to not tell her because I wasn't ready to tell her yet. Because especially at that time, my sister that sister and I, we did not get it. So if I was going to tell you, I would need a lot more time to do it. So but even though I asked my father to I remember going upstairs and he just tells her and I'm upstairs and I just I can hear him and [00:11:21] I just told you not temblor. And breaking down and we had a neophyte about that. And my dad left and my sister brought me into her room. And [00:11:33] she kind of gave me this look in there is really long, awkward silence. Every scene, they're just going. [00:11:41] Are we are we going? What are we going to talk because you're just sitting there staring at me. It's kind of creepy. She said, What have I ever do to you? And I remember playing like, I'm sorry, can you? Can you elaborate? Because I don't understand what you mean by that question. [00:11:58] And she kind of just had this long sigh. And she's like, this is all my thoughts. And they just like just lead. [00:12:10] I remember leaving her room with the most people [00:12:14] I did not understand. [00:12:17] So I'm glad your sister took it very well. [00:12:23] This experience someone should have. I was kind of Gareth [00:12:28] Yeah, mine. Mine was like, I as I said, it was like telling her what the weather was outside. It was apparently so obvious to her. She was new even though I don't [00:12:43] know, a lot of stereotypical gay guys, like, I don't know, musicals or something. And I was never into that. I was always into sports. I was kind of like, Guys guy, you know. So I'm not sure how she, I guess. She was she's very observant. I will say that. [00:13:06] I have a gay aunt. When I told her. She was very joyful. [00:13:11] She, [00:13:12] she, her lover, Tina, have been together, let's say, eight 910 years now. No more like 1112. Now, even when Tina went through cancer, she was there. [00:13:26] Tina defeated cancer. So that was great. [00:13:31] And it was difficult for my mom to accept my aunt for being gay. For some reason she was in denial for decades, I think the fact that my aunt came out as gay before me, opened the way for my mom to accept me as gay later on in life. So I think my and for being a trailblazer in, you know, try my mom that not all gays act a certain way or not just because you're gay doesn't mean you're promiscuous. Or, you know, [00:14:08] bitchy. [00:14:10] There's negative stereotypes that [00:14:14] my mom now knows that's not true. So just a sexual preference has nothing to do with personality. I met I've met all sorts of by gay lesbian men, when I was active duty. [00:14:29] And they're wonderful people, they serve our country, just like the rest of the troops. You know, there's gays and special force. [00:14:43] There's Navy marine of men, airman, air, women, you know, [00:14:50] they're even I've seen time and time again, where straight people in the military have covered for those who are not junior enlisted. [00:15:05] I've, I've knew three officers across the branches that were stationed stateside, who ended up being trans. [00:15:17] And they were officers. So [00:15:21] they're, they're in all over all ranks. And [00:15:26] I'm glad Now that may 5 of last year 2011, we had a briefing at my unit to overcome how to implement the process of introducing homosexuality into the UC MJ, the Uniform Code of Military Justice. [00:15:47] And so it's no longer considered grounds for the small dishonorably discharged, and is no longer grounds to be turned down to be, you know, ship out and do swearing. And you can't get article 15 for it. So it's no longer punishable. [00:16:11] And it's just I've had a very positive experience in the military, with my gay companions, who were very, who really helped me through a difficult time. Because I did come out to my parents during active duty when I was stationed. And they helped me through it, and explain what I should say to my mom and dad. And in fact, I actually knew a couple of my buddies came out to their families to right before deployment. [00:16:48] And for the most part were received very, very well. [00:16:55] Good. [00:16:57] So I'm, [00:17:00] is anybody else in your family gave side your hand? [00:17:03] Yeah. [00:17:05] That's why my mom when she said, Well, I don't know if there should be, I don't know if he should marry. Because, you know, traditionally, it's man or woman, my Ted, he jumps in and says, well, there's lots of gays on my side of the family in New Zealand, and I didn't know that till he said that, like, really, [00:17:29] I should come out. So [00:17:32] when I was in New Zealand, I had no idea I was a kid, and [00:17:37] that any of my family were gay. kind of goes over your head, you don't really fully understand till you're older, later on in life, where you learn lessons and experience things. [00:17:49] So where's your Where's your husband? Now? He's in Peru. So [00:17:57] I plan on being with him at all times? My animals, the wolf, and they mate for life. So I like to think that we're soul mates, meaning for life, and we'll [00:18:08] both logical and rational people, so we'll make it work. [00:18:13] How about you? Do you see yourself? [00:18:17] I'll be alone and better for the rest of my life? [00:18:23] Um, I don't know, I don't really think [00:18:28] it's much a priority for me right now. But I mean, there's a lot of things I want to do with my life before I even think about that. Because I've only had [00:18:40] I guess you can call it a relationship, but it was just one. And it was it did not last long. And [00:18:49] I won't go into details, but he ended it apparently just didn't work out for him. And the whole experience that just made me realize that I realized that I was a lot more insecure than I thought it was. So [00:19:06] I [00:19:08] could have became bitter. But I just took around and just took it as a lesson. And I kind of told myself that I wouldn't. I wouldn't go into relationship again until I felt that I was ready for it. So right now I'm just going to focus on [00:19:27] my priorities, like I'm focusing on writing and finding more creative outlets. [00:19:33] I want to travel, I really want to go to Scotland and the down. I'm dying New Zealand and all those places. I'm not, maybe not so much to Japan. I'm not sure. But that's an option. But you know, maybe someday. [00:19:50] I don't know when I don't know what I'll be ready. But it will happen. [00:19:56] I'm sure it will. [00:19:58] For sure. You'll find it real great guy. [00:20:01] Why? [00:20:06] Yeah, that's that's my that's all I'll say. [00:20:09] What kind of work? Do you aspire to a career that you're interested in providing [00:20:15] for writing? [00:20:19] Well, right now I'm kind of [00:20:22] thinking about screenwriting. And then I think about writing graphic novels, or a Japanese manga, or comic books, or just novels or scripts for movies. I'm thinking I'm considering all of them. But it's not set in stone yet of what I really wanted to. I don't really think I I can't just like, say I want to be this one. And just go into that. I think if I want to be more versatile, I should just experience like experiment in all those areas. So don't really know yet. Always good to keep your options open. [00:21:04] What How about you, [00:21:05] buddy? Well, I would like to be [00:21:09] a graphic designer, I'm hoping that I can utilize my GI bill to go to art institute [00:21:18] and get a Bachelor of Science, gaming art design. [00:21:23] Till then I'm willing to work for money doesn't matter what, [00:21:29] just [00:21:30] as long as I can keep a roof over my sister's head and take care of her. And keep a home. Safe till Jorge comes back from Peru. [00:21:44] And also Pat, and I mentioned earlier, who's also like a brother of mine. [00:21:49] He's my housemate. So [00:21:53] kind of in it together. [00:21:55] It's good. [00:22:00] wrap this up? What advice would you give to someone who's coming out? [00:22:06] I would say [00:22:08] I think it'd be best to do as soon as possible because keeping it inside [00:22:14] can really affect your psyche. And, um, you know, you want to create good memories when you're in childhood, but if all you can think about the depression, and the anger [00:22:27] and plus, I think the longer you give someone to adjust to it, it would be more accepting over time is some people just need time to come to terms with the fact that you're actually gay. So I would do it as soon as possible. [00:22:47] I would, you know, at first feel them out try to be subtle. So that it's doesn't kind of bitch slap boom, with that kind of bomb. [00:22:59] But [00:23:01] especially to your two people you consider friends and close relatives is very important to for them to know. So, [00:23:11] okay, Mitch, you that's it's [00:23:14] probably the best logical approach to it. So, [00:23:19] but, [00:23:21] as always, there's so many different situations. So it really depends.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.