Riki - Beyond Rainbows

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride in zero.com. [00:00:05] I am a Transco that thing and Wellington and I am 25 years old. [00:00:10] Okay. And at what age did you start to question your agenda? Oh, it's going back. [00:00:19] I say the age of 12 I wasn't really questioning my gender back then I knew there wasn't really something wasn't really right. But I didn't know how cuz I grew up in a real kind of an mot society where, you know, boys and girls, you know, boys, my father expected a lot for me. And, you know, treated me in a certain way. But he took good care of me, but it was just the, you know, the way the genders different genders are treated in that time efficient and 90s. Last kind of the era where a lot of change happened. [00:00:48] Yeah. Did you talk to anyone about your feelings about gender when you're about that age? Never. [00:00:56] Who did you first talk to? [00:00:59] The first person and I haven't talked to talk to it about was last year actually. I was a I was on Facebook. Because I experienced before that it's been about a year doing transgender act. And that's how I kind of expressed it. But I spent a lot of time doing it anyway. And I mainly draw galas, probably because I was more fascinated with the female body and also was kind of my way of showing what I think of myself. And the insights, but right in everyone's faces, as a [00:01:29] way to express yourself. Yeah. [00:01:30] Well, that's a long time for you to have these feelings without telling anyone was that difficult time for you? [00:01:37] Well, those difficult because like, I never fit [00:01:40] with anyone, I was even like it in school, you know, I was always alone, pretty much. I didn't make friends. But [00:01:48] at the same time, this incident me, [00:01:50] I wasn't quite sure. It's either, like I was saying bad things about me or, you know, they, they just didn't understand what I was like, and I wasn't like, they say, you know, like, totally cliche or anything, I think just still kind of vibe I gave up and the kind of things I did. I wasn't interested in anything, anyone else is interested, I wasn't interested in doing you know, like, the casual things like rugby, or basketball or things like that. I wasn't into those sort of sports, and I never really liked to hang around the vino guys as well. Or girls, I was kind of, in my own little kind of thing that they you know, and I'd meet people who sort of the same, but in the end, you know, I couldn't really find who were fit with me. And so I spent most of my time sitting in class drank [00:02:36] because of the pressures that was put on to bio family. How do you think that the process would have been different for you had your family not had those those [00:02:49] gender pressures on you? [00:02:53] I have no idea, man, it could turn out any, any way. [00:02:58] It's because there was no, [00:03:00] there's nothing around eg in my time, there's nothing around it to mention or educated, you know, because I come from a small town in the East Coast. And I never, no one ever spoke about those sort of things. And so in a way, I had no idea what it was because I never met anyone or, or seen anything, you know. So you know, it kind of really, really kind of, kind of already started when I when the internet first came in, and we got the dial up. And you know, I just started I was playing video games on it. First for the night, out of curiosity, I started searching these words, I came there and you know, seek change and all that sort of thing. And you know, I just kind of because it was kind of what I was more attracted to the kind of that's where I was more drawn to in the end. That, you know, it wasn't like something I was kind of switched on. I was always kind of in that field and stuff. But I spent most of my time on internet sites that were related to that. But I never met anyone. And I never told my parents and my family. [00:03:55] Who was the first trans person unit. Well, do you remember the first trans person you meet? [00:04:01] Really, I don't really remember this is transfers, and I met my eyes. During my years growing up, I've come across some. And every time I come across when you know when I was younger, my heart always race. And I get and I can I kind of freak out. Because the for me is not a fear, but kind of just, you know, something slightly slightly. And I like felt really comfortable at the same time this I was really curious what it was, but never never had the courage to ask or say anything. It was just more like EF [00:04:33] out. Because it's like, [00:04:36] something that really close to me is right date and the vibe, but I you know, I just didn't know how to communicate or what to say. So I get to myself a lot. [00:04:44] Are you out to your family? [00:04:46] No, man. Yeah. Now, how did they take it? pretty hot is okay. So it's like, yes, it's not just a normal reaction for a family. You know, pitiful parents, in my opinion, experiencing from what I experienced by talking to others, it's more like a, the parents kind of look back on how they treated their own children and think they've done something wrong. Because I think I've seen the parents because their parents come from a different time as well. And they wouldn't be educated on these things as well. And so and also, and so it's funny, the children come out this way they say it this gay or queer or, you know, fill that in on this and the body they want. They might think it's their fault. But they done wrong. My because I told my mother, I couldn't tell my father. My father is a very, he's a, you know, very old school kind of guy. And I spent a lot of time with him growing up, and working with him on his projects and stuff. He even took me out of school, so I can go work for him out in the country. So it's been a lot of time with him. And I know what he's like. And so yeah, it was um, yeah, they still dealing with now, Mike, it's only been almost a year now. Probably a year now since I came out and told everyone. Yes, yeah, just kind of looking back at it all. It's changed since then. But not. Yeah, they taking it hard. And so it's so says my family, but when I recently because my grandmother passed away on October last year, so it was a huge family reunion for the funeral. And you know, I met a lot of family members I haven't seen in a long time. And I actually got quite a good bit of support. But what's really what really bothers me though, what I want to get sorted out as my parents, someone that wants to have the not the approve what I want them to kind of, they do Love me, and I love them, but I want them to kind of you know, fill on a field of love from them. Yeah. And I find it difficult to communicate with them, even though they are accepting. But for me, I know that this you know, this still needs to be a bit more time for them to adjusted. Yeah. [00:06:55] And what ways could they express the love I feel for you so that you feel it? [00:07:00] I got to spend more time with them. Because I've been here the whole time. And [00:07:04] they don't know what's dead and what's going on with [00:07:06] me. They don't know what's happening. And they, yeah, and they, they want me to be I want me to come back and live with them, which I agree. And I will later this year move back with them. But I think, yeah, I need to spend more time with them and show them you know, how happy I am and how much I'm willing to help them help the family. And, you know, and because my father here, he wants me to be the successor to the family. And I said, Well, I can still be the 60s to the family. You know, it's not what's stopping it. And yeah, that's that's all I really just kind of get to know them again. That's all I think because I didn't see them enough enable. Yeah, too far away. [00:07:43] How did your friends react when you came out? [00:07:46] My friends was funny about my friends is I've always I've always like, hung out with people. They were quite open minded about everything. Yeah. And quite quite chilled out about everything show a few of them was surprised. But in the end carried on as usual. Yeah. Sometimes I forget. Which bugs me a bit at times. But that's that's normal. But I think I have not really lost any friends over this. [00:08:12] I think I might have lost one. But there might have been my [00:08:14] folks, I kind of had a little tantrum. But it's the perks that comes with what I'm taking at the moment. Yeah, but yeah, I'll fix our friendship again. Yeah, it's not really broken. It's just kind of I need a bit of a break from them. It drives me nuts. [00:08:28] It sounds like you have a really good support system. [00:08:32] I do. Yeah. I because why am I support? Because what I know, my real support comes from my Kindle, my Masha, that is look, we got a little family doing that as well. But as my martial arts instructors, they're gay couple. And they've been running the club for about over a decade now. And I met them the least I've known them for about six years. And I came up to them, it was great. You know, they're kind of like my second month. Yeah, I'm one of them. Because one of them works for woman's refuge. And the other one works in the diabetes clinic. But she also knows one of the endocrinologist it takes me so it's like a real good connection. But I also got the support as well. I can say my support is pretty good. Like, because, like I said, I think I when I think when I, the people that I met growing up, or coming to lines and the way I was more attracted to those people naturally, there's people that have been more accepting. And when the whatever happens, you know, they'll always be there for me. And they support me, [00:09:33] would you say that the queer community has been overall a supportive place for you. [00:09:39] Um, I like I like to turn up now and then and, you know, socialize, I've always liked doing it the same time I socialize with my, you know, casual mates, my, my flat or, you know, the places and stuff, but I haven't been too involved in the queer community. Because I'm like, I'm kinda like to keep to myself a lot. Cuz for me, I've always been that kind of person. I never really liked to have too much, you know? Like, I never like to bring too much attention to myself. Yeah. Not yet. So and this like, this is like for like a project or something kind of worth of were worthy of that. Yeah, not going out there looking for it. Yeah. [00:10:22] Have you experienced much transphobia [00:10:26] transphobia from other people? Surprisingly, not much. I do know, I do. See, I do know, these people's expressions. And my opinion, I just find it funny. I just find it like, funny but also like, give someone you know, someone having a usual day. And when they see me looking at someone like me, gives them something to think or talk about regardless was positive or negative. But either I think recently I had one transphobia experiences which quite the bus actually some this drunk Modi guy got on. And I said, he was sat at the back, I went on the same but same time as he did. And I sat in front of him. And soon as he saw me sit down, he kind of went Whoa, and slid across the CI and he's doing his swearing at me and all then I instantly knew and I just looked at him took my glasses off. And I saying some mot but how did I do that in it? And what does that mean? I said what's the problem and money and it gets a blah, blah, blah. And he started rapping to me and as I started getting smart, because I know she talked about Dude, you gotta lay off the booze, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, all that sort of stuff. I was really the VM myself, but in the back. What's funny was, you know, he was rambling on about all this sort of stuff. And you know, I you know, it was half of it was kind of forgot my phobic data wasn't it was just kind of just drunken wreck. But then I told him where I came from, and my heritage and his, his attitude completely changed. Because I said, Hey, no, ain't nobody. [00:12:00] Alright, so you're getting smart to me? Well, I'll tell you where I come from [00:12:05] my family who I am, and who I you know, that ended up kind of shaking my hand we need if the best. [00:12:14] That sounds like a really positive results to Yeah, potentially negative situation. Yeah, [00:12:22] it's like a negative situation occurs that involves your safety, the best thing to do is not to pay any attention or not to feel that kind of aggression that person's giving you the best way to deal with is either to cut politely asked them to, you know, not to stop that all you kind of try to relate to them. And if it doesn't work, well, you know, not, you know, the next bonus, yeah, you got two options, either just label ignore them. If you have a group of stranger, right, oh, you know, which comes with [00:12:54] pedal to the metal. But I [00:12:56] always thought if someone were to come and hurt me, [00:12:59] and public, wherever I have, I think I have the upper hand in the fight because I have more of a reason to defend myself and fight and fighting because I like me, I'm fighting to survive, and I'm fighting to protect who I am and showing them that I really am. So do you [00:13:13] think that something that you as a trans girl have to worry about more than other people? [00:13:18] Um, for me, like, when I walked the streets, I didn't worry [00:13:21] about anything. Like, for me, I expect to be treated just like anyone else. And society, you know, whether they straight you know, a true gay or you know, trans. For me, it doesn't matter. It's like, I work my day, like, you know, like, any day. And the things that go in my mind was just normal things like, what should I get for dinner tonight? or What time is it? I got to meet so and so they and I just do that? You know, I never think about I never because I thought if I were to bring any attention to that, you know, mentally better, better will bring that attention to name because you're you're kind of projecting that onto others neck, and it gives people the chance to, you know, ticket. Yeah. [00:14:01] But there was actually a few days ago, Tuesday night, [00:14:05] yeah, I was at New will down the bottom there. And then it was legal to young Polynesian boys, pretty cheeky Polynesian boys. And so you know, walking through the entrance of you will enter the enter the grocery [00:14:20] store. And then [00:14:22] he kind of was [00:14:24] he kind of came straight towards me, he didn't stop for me to go in. I just cut right through him. [00:14:29] And then he started like getting smart to [00:14:30] me, you know, looking, he's out of here, instead of saying hello to me by like an exaggerated gamer guy. [00:14:35] Oh, hello, [00:14:36] that I stopped and looked at him. [00:14:39] And he did it to me again. And he expected me to kind of, [00:14:43] you know, say something, say something, you know, kind of like that i real quick. I just stayed at him. And I just put my fists up, like I wanted to fight him shifted towards him. And he kind of stepped back. And I looked at him and he just walked off. This greeted my friend I was reading [00:15:00] sounds like you're you're really good at dealing with those sorts of situations. If you had any advice to people who are trans girls who are coming out, or who are finding themselves in these sorts of situations, what would that be? [00:15:14] Confidence? No instinct. It's like, you know, a few of us to go out. It's like I said before the still behavior. If you go out there thinking negative thoughts. And if you if you see yourself as a weak or vulnerable, so others, you will you will receive that because you're attracting that negativity, I say I'd say the best way to deal with it is not to think about it. Right? Because you know, a few a few asset, if you if you do say you are being who you really are, then what's the other worry? You know, of course, people on the outside are people who do not understand this, you know, treat see it differently, or there's a bad thing will see it as that. But that's not [00:15:57] your problem. [00:15:58] That's a problem. And then they want to show you that problem. Well, you know, just you know, don't don't worry about it. Yeah. Because they want to what people these days want to see is a reaction. And you don't want to give them that? Yeah, it's Yeah. [00:16:15] If you could give any message out to the parents and friends and close family of people who are coming out as trans? Yeah, what would that be? [00:16:27] I'd say, support. Because, like, for me, I have a lot of support. But like this, is even if the effect goes by by fraction, that that is that has a huge impact on me. Like I you need, you need your support. Like I say, for parents, parents, it is normal for parents [00:16:49] to to hurt, [00:16:50] when when a child comes out saying they you know, they wants to be this person, because that's how they really want to be. Because [00:17:00] parents perspective, it's like, [00:17:01] okay, the child they just raised, [00:17:04] and the way is as passed on. And now this is not a new person is taking a place, but it's not a, but you're still still that same person, but the parents see it as that. And then either they'll either deny that it's happening, or cast you out, or we just, you know, kind of take away this understanding that I know. So my so for words for parents is you know, it will be hard. But given that support, no. Help them through it. And then if, if that person is in doubt, have a decision? Well, you know, let them figure it out for themselves. But you know, but never doubt the never, never show them neglect. Never, you know, never cast them out. Because the parent, your parents are probably the you know, the biggest thing ever going to have. You'll have your friends to help you. But it's your parents don't have to you Well, that makes it a whole lot harder. Yeah, be a million times better if your parents lucky. Sophie, parents you love your child no matter what. [00:18:03] Yeah. And what can we as queer people do to help make the way for coming out trans girls easier? [00:18:12] Well, there's no way I wouldn't say is no way that the push that comes naturally, it's up to that person to decide whether to come out or not whether you know, whether the be who they really want to be. And when they and then if they do, you know, like you can, it's kind of hard to tell who wants to know who's coming out and who's not. It's really up to them. [00:18:36] What can we do to make the community a more inclusive space? People? [00:18:43] I'd say like, you know, like how we how we did our grief at transform. That's a good, that's a good thing. But as Transform, transform as a group that takes place at the evolve you happen every Tuesday fortnight. And it is for queer and trans people to come in tough and speak their mind about things and learn from others with, you know, come out earlier who know more about what's going on. Yeah. [00:19:10] Do you think groups like that are important, [00:19:11] very important. [00:19:13] Because it's actually you know, as needed, because for me on a regular basis, I had a made up of any trans people until like a today. Yeah, I may see some on the street and things but like, you know, they just carrying on the day like I'm carrying on my you know, we don't want to go around, you know, talking about that all the times as is complete strangers or other people, you know, I think that group is [00:19:35] specifically for that, [00:19:36] and he gives you the chance to express feelings about these such about these subjects and then get your answers from it.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.