Nickki - Beyond Rainbows

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[00:00:00] This program is brought to you by pride nz.com. [00:00:05] minorities a you're part of a community? [00:00:08] Um, well, I have quite extreme mental health issues, I suppose with anxiety and depression and the like. And I'm not sure if I'd fit under the labels of pencils who bisexual I haven't really decided, but I really like girls, but like everyone else is cool to like after a while. And I'd also identify as Jimmy sexual. [00:00:31] Cool. So, um, you talked before about mental health? How do you think having mental health issues has affected the life for you as a queer person. [00:00:43] Um, I can make it really difficult, like, especially like to access the queer support groups in the community. Because I've often found that quite nerve wracking to go to other groups, because I'll be afraid of that. Don't judge me or anything. And I know it's silly because they really supporting but I could never actually get the confidence to go to like groups like School's out and everything, even though I thought be like, a really good time. And I have, like, people I know in that. [00:01:12] Other any other [00:01:14] ways of support other than [00:01:16] groups like that I'm not alive. I know, I didn't have much access to any books or anything. Before I kind of figured out my sexuality, I was very close to it. And I had no information whatsoever on what was out there. So I only knew what got told to me by my other friends. [00:01:38] So yeah, where did you get most of your support from? [00:01:41] Um, it was mostly just the fact that my friends were generally cool people. And we're totally okay with it. So when I came out, I didn't feel any warrior at all. My parents were to support. Like, I said to me, but my dad used to like to pin my sexuality on the fact that I had problems with my mom. And that was when I was little. I liked girls, which was really silly. But no, apart from that, it was just me and I did find a good book at the library. After I came out though. It was a whole collection of stories based on queer woman and their experiences, like trans woman and everything. And it was really great. And felt good because that was the first time I ever read a book with queer people on it. And it felt really affirming to actually know that like, I wasn't just some weird outlier. Because when also I would always read books and everything because I was quite bullied and to have no representation when I was little. It kind of made me feel like an anomaly like something that shouldn't have existed because like, if it didn't exist in books, then what exactly was that kind of thing? Do you [00:02:53] think having representation of people who are queer be the typical old fashioned DNS is important? Definitely. [00:03:05] Like, there was a [00:03:09] I don't know I don't want to sound unfair. But there's a huge thing of what we see in the MIT Media is gay, white males. Like I can name like, at least three more of those couples on the media like curtain Blaine that the to do so modern family and the like. And that's, but I can't really lay many lesbian couples or bisexual people, transsexual people, or those even rarer. Like, and how they show bisexuality, intense sexuality in life in the media is also really stereotypical. How do they show up? Like, sometimes it'll be like, showing us the person being in the, or just sleeping around people for fun, like, not that that's bad. But just that's always the default stereotype that like, they're only in it for fun, and you see tweets about how like, people wouldn't want to be with one of those people because they would just cheat and they would never be enough kind of thing, which I think is really unfair. [00:04:20] So do you think that some an accurate portrayal of bisexual [00:04:24] Yeah, like there are people who like sleeping around and that's okay. And there are people who don't like sleeping around, that's okay. But like often, bisexuals in the media, will pen sexual get shamed for either one of those. Like, if you're with one, then you have to hurry up and choose. And you know, you can't ever be attracted to one to anything else. But if you sleep around, then you get shamed for sleeping around that that's really uncool. [00:04:50] Do you think that there should be a different representation of people who are bisexual in the media? And what do you think it should be? [00:05:01] Definitely a lot more varied? I think they should be like, Sean's of bisexuals, who have an even preference for both. And that's totally okay. And no one tells them that they have to hurry up and pick or it's not a punch line. And then there could be some that I've shown that actually have a preference that strong for one. Because when you say bisexual, most people think that you haven't equal preference for one of the sexes, and that's not true. [00:05:32] Why do you think representation is important in the media? [00:05:37] Well, before like I said, like, I had no idea that people like me existed. And so I felt really lonely. And it's incredibly validating to see your experiences and to see someone like you in the TV, or the media or anything really [00:05:55] just that I'm extended to mental health as well as you. Definitely there's a huge stigma surrounded [00:06:02] for lack of representation on mental health issues. Like people have no idea what panic attack is, sometimes people think that the best way to snap someone else that is by slapping them in the face, which can be incredibly traumatic to that person. But since it's throwing soft, and then the media that that's how you get someone out when they're hysterical. And I've seen people do it, and that's just not okay. And the fact that, you know, it's a common thing, it's a common thing said to people who are depressed that they usually a snap out that will back off, because the person is either shown as something that's beautiful and artistic, or something that's just the person being lazy, and those aren't really true. [00:06:46] Um, do you think that there is an intersection between the stigma surrounding mental health and the efficient oppression faced by queer people? I think [00:06:56] so. Like, there's a lot of people who think that, you know, liking someone else is kind of like a mental deficiency, or there's something wrong with them if they like other people. That's simply a case of bigotry on that person's side, because there's nothing really wrong with liking your life. And there's nothing wrong with having a mental illness. And the factors that just the judgment makes it so much harder for both of those things to get help. But you get judged so harshly if you have a mental illness, and you're judged so harshly if you're queer, and this also support groups, but they're also quite hard to find. Since you know, most of the things that kids are straight people. And so anything that's not kept the straight people tends to get swept over. [00:07:49] Have you faced much oppression and your time for being [00:07:52] bisexual or transsexual? have neither had fiscal violence outright have had slurs yell at and people staring and slowing down their cars to have a look? moped just quiet, unkind comments, like, you know, [00:08:14] just bad saying that, you know, [00:08:18] that was weird, or [00:08:23] I can't particularly focus on one because there's so many of them really. And also, just the way people kind of react, like I've said, some people that kind of like, a two way uncomfortably, or, you know, like, I think if I'm gonna have them, it's like, gross, or Come on. And it kind of makes me uncomfortable, help people kind of push your way a little, especially when you're trying your best not to, you know, appear scary, but that should not really be a thing you have to do. Like, you shouldn't have to hide yourself in order to make other people comfortable. [00:09:02] What about in the queer community? Um, [00:09:08] I know, I've always felt a bit of a pressure from them as well. Like, also considering the word queer. Like, I'm not even sure if I'd use that to describe myself. Just simply because like, some people, it's really good. But some people still as quite a strong slur. And like, I'm not sure, especially because I know, like, not everyone wants to be called the word queer. But like, I remember when I first thought I was always been. And I was reading up on all the subjects, there was a built a subtle pressure to like, say that your sexuality was fluid. And that like you could go for anyone at listens, which I don't know, like, it's not as strong kind of pressuring. But there's still like judgment and the queer community, from gays and lesbians towards the non mana sexual people. And then sometimes for the more pensive show, and people with more fluid sexuality towards ones that aren't that it's definitely a lot more accepting a lot more kinda, then straight people tend to be [00:10:20] what about mental health issues? Do you find the LGBT community is more accepting or less accepting than more mainstream communities? [00:10:32] I also hadn't had much experience to say, I've met a lot more like people who are accepting of mental health issues in the queer community. Why do you think that is, I think it's just more because there's more education going on that circle, like, people there tend to have a lot more knowledge of mental illness, even if they don't have them this themselves. And also, I don't know, was the oppression that we face, sometimes I think it's kind of hard to get with that without a few kind of hard knocks here and there. So everyone tends to be a lot more accepting of people and the difficulties or things that they're struggling with. [00:11:15] What was coming out as a process like for you, [00:11:19] I came out to my cat first, because I was really nervous, because I didn't know what was going to happen or who was going to react. So I told my cat like I always do when things are bad. And she heard my thoughts a lot better. And then I told one of my friends, and he was a straight dude, who was just really blunt all the time. And for some reason, I felt like I could just come out and the fact that he didn't react much or anything, kind of gave me the confidence to you know, tell my mom. And then I moved on to tell him more of my friends by making really bad puns about me coming else closes as I walked out the pet tree, and then gave us crap, because because they will just kind of knew, and then I got really mad because everyone knew before me, but no one told me, which will have saved me a lot of trouble. And I was the only person I really had problem with was my mom's fiance and my dad, because they just one of them had been taught religiously that, you know, gays are bad kind of thing. And the other one was just quite conservative, and, you know, not that accepting of change. But I knew the Well, okay, I did get kicked out the house months when I went to queer the night, and to help protest because I wanted to get to my mom's wishes. So she kicked me out the house for the weekend. But other than that, like, I've never actually been actively mistreated by my parents homosexuals here, which I'm quite thankful for. Do you [00:12:55] think being kicked out of the house is something which is common for? Yeah, definitely. [00:13:02] Like, almost all queer youth, I know have been kicked out of the house at least once over for related issues, which is pretty horrible, to be honest. And also like, it doesn't help. The whole stigma or the fear that queer people face. Like, they tell you that coming out as simple and easy. Always that's what straight people seem to say. But then you see all your friends getting kicked out for us. And it's like, if it's really that simple, and if you know, queer marriages everywhere, and everything is, you know, we're getting right. Some people seem to think it's kind of over. Like, you know, no one's really homophobic anymore, but it's still there. [00:13:44] What do you think the next steps for queer rights beyond same sex marriage, [00:13:51] I'm definitely looking into queer homelessness, and actually, educating the parents and having education and schools. Like it would be nice to actually have queer friendly, six eaten schools, instead of just openly talking about salesmen and says, ladies, and that's it. Like, what was your experience? Like? in our school, we got told that like to dream up parties now dream partner. But like, if we were into girls, and we just had to imagine that was a boy experience, and I don't really see why. Like, why is thinking of qualities for your dream girl any different from thinking up? Cause his for your dream guy or for someone who doesn't sell on the binary gender? I don't see how that's different. And also did we don't get taught about like, say six, for like, people for China's at all, was just, you know, put a condom on a penis, you know, take birth control that said, there was nothing about that there wasn't anything about kind of, like, dispelling myths about virginity and stuff like that. [00:15:06] What do you mean by myths about virginity? [00:15:10] Just like sometimes that people say that, you know, it's supposed to hurt, it's okay. Like, when you should really be just going slow and putting lots of loot and even tell you about that kind of stuff. Specifically, they just like, well, lots of times it will hurt on this show hymens already broken, which is another false thing because you hymen doesn't really break it some muscle, which stretches is many things, it's like that and it's everywhere. And also, the concept of virginity is also kind of a really gross concept. Like, for one, it doesn't always apply to all people, but sometimes it's not penises and that relation or vagina, like sometimes you just have fingers or other holes and that's and just going strictly his penis and vagina just kind of really doesn't apply to those relationships. And also, it's quite shame me like, people kind of treat virginity as this really special thing. And like, you know, if you if you lose that you're losing virginity, like you're losing a part of yourself and stuff, you know, gaining something you like a new sexual experience kind of thing. And that's kind of a gross way to teach people about sex. [00:16:22] And an ideal world. How would people be taught about sex? [00:16:28] Mostly to keep it safe with an extreme focus on consent and how to read it? Like an extreme look at like post of enthusiastic consent, telling people you know, don't go and sleep with people when they're drunk commission talked about beforehand and even then, if they show any signs of not being into it, ask them and if they don't respond and don't do what kind of thing like in our society, it's seen as a skeptical to go and get someone dropped a sip of them and that's not okay. And also to the crease, like, the thing on like, slut shaming and the like, and also saying that, like if people don't like six, and that's okay. Because a lot of people have like fears or hang ups about it. And they can be made quite uncomfortable sometimes. And I think it's also okay to say that like, it's okay that you don't like six or it's okay, if you've had a bad experience. And this has made you like scared to continue kind of thing. Instead of kind of like doing like you either have six or you don't have six kind of thing like [00:17:36] what about the coming out process? How would that be in an ideal world [00:17:43] is no pressure really like no pressure on people to come out until they're ready to come up? This the process of trying to force people to come out because it because they're denying apostles themselves is kind of a really gross concept. But it could be heaps of reasons why that person doesn't want to come out, or why they can't come out because their boss might fire them or something like that. So people to try and make it as easy and reassuring as possible. And just kind of remain open to the idea that one of your friends or family could be queer and not just think that everyone's straight all the time.

This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.