Jenna-Rose - Beyond Rainbows
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[00:00:00] This podcast is brought to you by pride nz.com and made possible through a generous grant from our retiree [00:00:07] to na critical tool [00:00:09] called generous oh [00:00:11] no Monica no hon I know. [00:00:15] I know Navy auto renew, to find out upon doing hokey mean that Cahoon not clear [00:00:27] to me no quarter for como que tiene MMA multi Copa bolted on a la cama taka taka, we will tweet the [00:00:37] towel tell ET Okay. [00:00:42] So Nick it to me know. So I'm Jenna rose grew up in Wellington and yeah, I mean, I'm quite identify that way. [00:00:56] And you have been living in Wellington Poland for so here [00:01:02] had a lot of interesting things in my life. I hope I can talk a little bit about that [00:01:05] today. But um, [00:01:07] yeah, that's fine. Great. Um, first off, how do you identify beyond queer? If there is anything? Yeah. [00:01:14] It's really interesting, because when I grew up, I never, there weren't really that many terms that were years at that time, it was usually by gay, lesbian. I mean, I really talked about transgender at that point. And now it's, I'm happy that it's become more connected. And we're talking about that more. But yeah, so out of those three options I kind of had, in the beginning, I think when I was younger, I first started to, [00:01:46] I guess, identify [00:01:49] was when I was about 14, or 15. And I actually had my first you know, interaction with the girl. So I was introduced to those labels and the sentence trying to put myself and one of them was rather difficult, because I still, you know, dead a lot of mean, always, you know, since when I was younger, but [00:02:11] I always had [00:02:13] this, [00:02:16] this feeling that you couldn't explain when you were younger, but I could only really understand as I got older and more intimate with people. So I guess, then I was bisexual. I mean, obviously, I went to my life, and only recently, within the last three years, have really identified as, I guess, being a lesbian. And that was a pretty long journey. So yeah, a lot of interesting stories. Yeah. [00:02:42] What changed in the last three years for you to help you kind of [00:02:46] make that step? Um, well, I guess the relationships that I've had in the past, [00:02:57] my longer two months have been with woman, although I have had relationships with men, but the ones that I felt more connection with, in a sense, were women, and that certainly no disrespect to any men that I've been with, because they've all been really lovely, lovely people. And I've been lucky to have had those experiences. But about four years ago, I was dating a really lovely guy. And before him, I dated another guy. And I think there were two really important mean to me, because [00:03:32] it was a time where [00:03:35] I was kind of conflicted as to how I viewed myself, because although I was with these really lovely guys, I didn't, I couldn't pass a level with them. Almost like you're playing a video game and you're like, Okay, you're at level three and trying to get to level four, but I just never got there. And it was really hard for me because they were really good to me, and I couldn't give them back what they deserved really, and what they wanted for me. So I ended those relationships, but it was the second one was the most important because that's when I really said it out loud. to myself. I said home quickly as well. So then actual day itself when I told him I couldn't I couldn't love him as gay will try literally screamed at him and how did it NL I was really tough. I made I think the day had already been a bit of a nightmare. And it was so much emotion already. So. You know, when you get to that point, it's it's you got nothing but emotion. So it was a bit hard. It was quite hard. But um, for me, it was a really big day, because that day I had talked to my mother about it. And I was like, Mommy, I can't do this anymore. I have to be honest with myself. You know, I think I'm a guy and she's like, I've always known by mama She. She has always not. My goodness. I mean, when I first came out to her as a bisexual when I was 14, she, she stole the thunder actually was worked up to try to have the courage to tell her and I finally confronted I was like mom got a girlfriend and she was like, Okay. I was like, What is that? Oh, okay. So it's always been like that with her. She's been amazing, amazing, supportive woman. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I mean, I have a mom, she's always been involved within the queer community. I mean, she's a straight Alliance, kind of awesome person. Who brother, my uncle Johnny is gay. And of course, so she went to their bed with him in the 80s. For those signs were it was illegal. And in those times, it was really scary to actually be gay. I mean, I think we're a lot safer now. Safer, not completely safe. But we've certainly come a long way. And I'm to have my mother be so involved in the movement longer than I have been. And to have her support and her lovers as it's really amazing. [00:06:11] Have the rest of your family been as we sit with us your mother? [00:06:14] Oh, it's kind of funny, because when I told Tom it was the same day that I told mom, and Tom and I was really like, you're my brother, sorry, Thomas, a my uncle brother. And I was really upset. I was crying. I was crying. And I just needed to go for a drive and get away from everything. And my mom was like, Oh, I can't leave you alone. But I have to go and tikes were at this big event. And my grandmother's 70th birthday. So Thomas, he has come with me. And he is hungry. He was a hungry man. He was hungry all day. And we're having this big feast. And we're just about the habit. So for him to come with me. And he had no idea what was going on. He's like, I'm hungry and what's going on? So anyway, we drove on the beach, and I was still really upset. And and he was like, I you know, you can tell me? Thomas, he was probably about 1615 at this point. And I was like, I'm gay and lesbian. to too many guys. [00:07:11] You made me miss. [00:07:17] Pregnant? [00:07:19] My boyfriend? Oh, you know, so I know, I had that reaction from him. And my older brother was more the tears but of happiness. And you know, my family? My close family, the people around me were really supportive. Yeah, [00:07:33] have you come out to anyone and received any negative reaction? Oh, [00:07:39] I don't think so. Not that I can remember. [00:07:43] And I haven't? [00:07:46] No, I mean, people are surprised. I think, [00:07:49] why do you think that is? [00:07:50] I don't know if for some reason. [00:07:54] I think society is an image of what a lesbian is. And I think it's, it's changed a lot now. But essentially, is this still a kind of image that is more kind of boyish, or more kind of butcher more, you know, kinda like that. And the center, we shouldn't be into these kind of things. And [00:08:14] I don't necessarily fit in all the boxes, but I certainly take a lot of them. [00:08:19] I mean, when I first came out, I had a bit of a struggle, feeling like I could be a part of the queer community. I mean, I tried to get to know more queer people. But I found it a bit difficult, because I think they kind of saw me and weren't necessarily convinced. And so was it that because you didn't [00:08:39] fit the lesbian stereotype? [00:08:41] I think so. I mean, I guess we've had experiences with people like this. So you know, chances are, and so when something different happens, you're a bit more cautious. So I found a little bit difficult at the beginning. [00:08:59] But then I was actually lucky enough to come into a wonderful group of people. And [00:09:05] I was very, very fortunate. I mean, I didn't really have many, these being okay, friends, what I do, but I am I didn't think I had meaning. And, and then when I actually came to meet, like, almost lost society, I was really nice to actually fit into a group of people that you just felt connected with, because I think being morning, there's certain situations where you're on the Medina, and you're really happy to be on the Mariah, because you're with people that understand your T camera, understand your color, your values, your principles, you can all relate. And sometimes you can't find those situations in a normal environment. So when I'm on the mirror I and and I'm surrounded, you know, by tongue thin, while even money hitting, it's just nice, because we live in within the Copa Modi, which is something that I can't live in all the time. I mean, in my house, I do. And in my mind, I certainly do. But within society within people, it's not seen as much, and I miss it, we miss it. I think most people really miss that bond. Because when you made a multi person and and you can connect them when you were made a queer motor person that takes it to another level, because you already feel alone being model, and then you already feel alone being a lesbian model. So when you made other Cremona in a sense, it makes you realize, oh, my goodness, you you're not alone. [00:10:42] What can the queer community do to try and make our spaces safer for multi people? Oh, well, I mean, [00:10:52] altered or me to speak, Wellington is actually a really wonderful place for queer youth. Just queer in general, I think as a real, lovely color. People really reach out to each other, which is really nice. And I think through that we've been able to build up more safer communities. for mobile in particular, I think, because until I moved into my understanding, I studied modal and philosophy and to one on the Auto Color. And that was an amazing opportunity to learn about the history and the principles and values of my people of tomato, tomato, and you didn't really, there wasn't really anything negative towards being Tucker Tapui, or gay or lesbian, or [00:11:39] can you just define that time? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, [00:11:42] sure. Or Tucker taboo is a very popular term used at the moment, to present queer morning. And the lovely thing about the word itself, as it represents all of it, but encompasses and one, which is a really beautiful thing, because it doesn't individual or anything, [00:12:02] puts a nice umbrella term. [00:12:03] Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's certainly easy to say, LGBT. [00:12:09] I mean, it's all of that and encompasses all of it, which I think is beautiful. [00:12:14] And, yeah, so. So in the past, through my research, I haven't really observed any negativity, I mean, it was identified, and people were aware, and that's why we have a name for it. Like, if you think of a lot of Modi terms, there are a lot of terms that we've learned through English. We turn them into monitors, but to the top, who is something that's come before that? So it's something we we've identified ourselves within our culture, and, you know, took a top we were a part of the society, they were a part of the, the follow the hop, who environment and they, like everybody else had their roles in society. Do you [00:12:57] think that I'm homeless phobia? kind of came to ultimate or with colonialism? I, [00:13:05] I absolutely do. However, [00:13:10] I'm sure within soon aspects of society, there is some kind of reason to create some kind of hate or negativity based on the fact of your relationship with someone. However, I do believe that broad homophobia has certainly been introduced from a Western society, potentially at a at a societal level. Um, [00:13:33] it's interesting, because [00:13:37] I think there was Susan Modi, who had the same views as I do. And there were other Modi, who have been heavily influenced by Christianity. And the views can somewhat be manipulated by what they learned from the Bible, and what they know from their own take on. So today, you may have some AV that may not be as friendly because of that emergence. But um, I generally think that Mario pretty sweet. I mean, from my experience, however, you know, there are certain aspects of all financial families that may not have their [00:14:24] advice. What do you think, the other way around? So how do you think queer communities are accepting of may or may not be accepting of multi people [00:14:38] have never really encountered any reason to actually think about that, which is really good. [00:14:46] I mean, [00:14:48] I've always been a pretty confident person. So I think generally, when meeting people [00:14:57] I guess, I've never really felt anyone's [00:15:03] feels Well, I mean, when I was younger, I mean, as a younger child, it was, it was different. Because when I was younger child, and I didn't want to be a malady. I mean, there's a lot more negativity than there is today. Why do you think that is, and I think it's not just me, I, I have spoken with many young Marty, who have certainly grown up in urban areas that feel the same way. Because of the negativity and the stereotyping, it was a lot easier for us to relate to other cultures. And we wanted to be whiter, we wanted to not be moldy. I mean, some of us have probably in the past caught ourselves New Zealand Europeans to kind of escape their identity. And that's a, that's a really bad thing, because no one should ever feel like that. No one and it's funny, as I've got older, where I realized that those things have been pulled out of fear, and pulled out of my understanding, and I feel very proud today to be most It's so wonderful thing, but that's something that I believe all models should have, but they certainly don't. Especially queer model. I mean, you're been out on the MRI is maybe a little bit different. I'm I mean, Bina among your family is one thing. And then being out amongst your hapa was another but I don't think then the very different. I don't think people really care. [00:16:35] You know, I think that came more if you're speaking about something else. Um, [00:16:41] what can we do to help try and instill that sense of pride you were talking about and younger people? [00:16:51] Yeah, um, [00:16:54] it is really interesting, because it's hard to think of a way to genuinely helping everybody because everybody works differently. [00:17:04] I think a lot of us struggle with actually. [00:17:09] First off being okay with ourselves. Because I think that first kind of self homophobia, I think, I felt as, as being gay, I have this internal self homophobia was very annoying. And I think overcoming that is certainly a step closer to feeling more confident about who you are feeling more confident about being out in public. Like, I was extremely scared to be out in public. My goodness, I mean, for a really long time. [00:17:39] Some of my past relationships with women were [00:17:43] non existent. So to say, we will be screen scenario, we went out and it was tough. And [00:17:52] as unusually when the last few years after I met my, my current partner [00:17:57] that I felt so much more comfortable about Bina because she's pretty amazing. And she's like, the opposite of me, when it comes to something she does not care about. She doesn't know any different than to be herself, to be out. And I kind of came, attached her out to the gay world, you know. And, and now I'm way more comfortable about it. Being out being in a relationship that is out so wonderful. It's like, don't worry about anything. [00:18:28] What what you told me before about when you were younger, dealing shame, which didn't develop them to pride, right? Yeah. Um, so [00:18:38] this way, we were talking about how to help. Okay, sorry, got a bit sidetracked. I mean, I guess it starts in the homes and then you have to reach the parents? What would have helped you? What would have helped me come out? Not [00:18:52] necessarily come out. But how did you come to terms with your identity, as a Modi and as a queer person? [00:19:02] knowledge, education. I mean, I don't understand things that people were saying to me, I actually started to say why that was saying them to me, [00:19:10] I started to understand more, I mean, you can only really get there with with knowledge and experience. And I was lucky to kind of hit those paths. But sometimes I didn't know I had to go out there and do it for myself. I mean, learning to Modi was a really big adventure for me. And to be able to bring that back to my family was even more important, and I knew it was something that I wanted to do, but it was difficult. And I feel like [00:19:38] if you [00:19:40] usually come against these barriers, barriers of embarrassment, shame, I mean, until Modi will call it Ma. And fucking ma as about as not shy shame, sir, quite an important thing because it reflects on how we are as a person. And a lot of people feel the fucking ma about being gay. And it takes a lot of work with yourself. And I was I was things that helped me work was having my family like, heavy my mom going to a school, like Wellington High School, where we had the the first School's Out group. I mean, it was Burlington high school. I mean, it was one of the most open and accepting places that equipment could be in and anytime or for me. And that was really helpful because it allowed me to experiment me to learn literally through experience. And and so I was lucky for that. And I had people that supported me, I had friends, you know, my best friend didn't care that I dated girls, and we were best friends since we're 13. Like, that was a really huge thing, because I still didn't really understand it, but it didn't affect our relationship one bit. But I'm really lucky for that. Do you think you have a friend right there? Oh, [00:21:07] sorry. Sorry. Um, do you think you would have had a different experience? had you gone to a different [00:21:11] school? Well, I guess I mean, I was lucky to have opportunities at Wilmington, Ohio, I don't really know what any other way. I mean, and of course, I was, I was still, I still dated guys. Like, I still didn't really see [00:21:26] much of an issue with it at that time, because I've been bisexual men so good. So so [00:21:33] it wasn't really an issue, which is really cool. I mean, [00:21:38] when I was 15, you know, and I had a girlfriend, and we it was, you know, New Years, and we saw some bad teachers from school when it was just like, teacher was there with her girlfriend, it was, you know, it was it was pretty normal, normal for me. But I think it's probably a little bit different within Tom body. I mean, I think just because we don't have a lot of opportunity to learn more about our culture. I mean, a lot of us, I'm fortunate enough to have the opportunity and the connection to be able to do so. But there are a lot of Modi out there who who don't know the fucker popper. They, they don't know that Oh, and and the field of, I don't say this, but I would assume, field that fucker Ma. And it's hard to be able to reach out and get help. And that's something that I personally want to work on with your motor is helping them reconnect. Because I feel like by helping young Moti reconnect to the FIFO Papa, least having that opportunity to help them reconnect will also help them with other aspects of their life. Because once to my personal experience, feel connected feel rooted. [00:22:53] To Chi port honor, [00:22:55] as a term that we use and Tom audit, I learned from to one Auto Color that talks about the connection or a place to stand a place to belong. And I feel through my papa, and to my take on uncovered that I have my place I believe I have that connection, I practice that connection, it's a part of who I am. And because of that, I feel more in control to be able to do other things to be able to, to pursue other ventures that could potentially help others be able to have that same ground in and I'm not saying that other people don't have that. But I feel like a lot of our modern people are disconnected from to port on. And they fuck up. And I would love, absolutely love to be able to be involved in women in creating a way to help that. And also as a way to help young, of course, queer, Molly, because it's when you look at being a minority of a minority, it's sometimes it's hard to give you energy to both of them. And my focus at the moment is to try to do one to help another. So I guess that's why at the moment, I focus on the Modi from working on. But inadvertently by being gay and doing the model taking I feel like I'm working at both at the same time. Do you feel like [00:24:23] that by being gay? And by being moldy? And going out and doing your life? Yeah, you're constantly representing both of us groups? Yeah. [00:24:34] I mean, my mom, my mom always says, You should be the change you want to see in the world. You know, if you want to make people believe that things can be different, you have to show them. And so I feel just by taking my opportunities and working and doing the work that I do. It's putting me in a place where I'm able to actually be in positions to help people or have effect on people. I mean, what I'm one of the papers or one of the presentations are craters on the treaty to do try Tony the Treaty of why Tony and he Walker put tongue in its I created a originally to help educate people about the history of all terrible, because I feel we have one is the opportunity education. And I want to be able to give people the knowledge so that they can make up their own minds. And that's what I take into anything I do like I want to, to be able to give people the things that they may not be able to find that may be difficult for them to ask, and allowing them to use that to [00:25:49] you know, to benefit them whatever way it does. [00:25:52] Could you remind me the word that you use for had a similar definition to shame? stuck on fuck mom. [00:26:00] Yeah, it's, it's really interesting that to within the mind standing because it, it talks about it's like a shame, but it's also reflective of who you are. I mean, it's something that I haven't heard and things. But I work closer to, to tell him that. Because I feel like a lot of people probably have some kind of energy that they're always going to be battling with. But how we how we act is what makes us different, you know, what we do is what makes us different from this shame that we're feeling. And so I don't I don't really see myself as like, when I do something like I don't think oh gosh, I'm representing the majority people in the game. I just see me being me. I mean, I don't know how to be different. And I just hope that whatever I do, and whatever I have done helps them with what they want to do. They want to be but yeah, been within to Almighty and within top hockey, you know, I love an altered or watches has a lot of different cultures and a lot of different people when you know, the so many minorities. But really, if you just set up all the minorities, they end up in the majority. [00:27:28] If you could send a message to all of those young people that are struggling with feelings of Baccarat about their sexuality, sexualities, and or ethnicities. What would you say? Well, what would I say? [00:27:45] Well, come on, come on. No, no, no, be brave, be bold, and be courageous. Because I mean, it takes a long time, no doubt, for us to truly understand who we are. We go through spans of life when we start to get closer to an answer. [00:28:04] Don't be afraid if it doesn't come to shred away. I mean, [00:28:10] your mind and your body and your heart works at a different speed than anybody else. Don't expect it to be the same as anybody else. And trust I mean, trust your friends, you need friends. And you'll be surprised, you'll be very surprised. And I know with certain people family will be harder, and I completely understand that. But your family will always love you no matter what, no matter what, you know, usually homophobia within parenting comes from fuck them on their own. And, and be yourself. I mean, don't ever think it's wrong or bad to be yourself. Because no matter how hard you find it, it's always gonna come out. And it's always going to be bigger and better in what you were trying to pretend to be. I'm only saying that from my experience, because I spend a lot of my time pretending to be something I'm not. And it takes a lot of energy, and it's not worth it. And have fun. And experiment. Because that's important, because it certainly helps you learn. And [00:29:24] yeah, that's about it. What about, um, something to say to all the people out there? Who are queer youth? How to support them? [00:29:35] Oh, yeah, be supportive. Just Just because people chose to identify differently doesn't mean that [00:29:44] they are any different from any other person in any other body. [00:29:48] And I guess, if you're lucky enough to have people in your life like that we can actually learn and get to know and be a part of that community. Just that person knows that this I've let that friend of yours. Know that they can count on you. I mean, give them the opportunity to teach you take the opportunity to learn what it's like to live life from a different perspective and then yourself, understand that you're not really different. [00:30:22] We're not really different at all.
This page features computer generated text of the source audio - it is not a transcript. The Artificial Intelligence Text is provided to help users when searching for keywords or phrases. The text has not been manually checked for accuracy against the original audio and will contain many errors.